Complex Numbers

Star Wrecked

I'm going to take a break from my usual format today to talk about drinks.

Specifically, Star Trek-themed drinks.

Now, drinking has been a part of Star Trek since the beginning. While the abominations based on synthehol are featured in most episodes of TNG, the show has otherwise been alcohol-positive. Consider, for example, this TOS episode where an invading alien is defeated when Scotty tricks him into a drinking contest.



"What is it?"

"Well, it's, um..." *sniff* "It's green."

They even, quite famously, made up their own multicultural drinks, the most famous probably being Saurian brandy (featured in that clip), Klingon bloodwine, and Romulan ale.

With the recent spate of new Trek shows -- Discovery, Picard, and the animated Lower Decks -- it has been my tradition to whip up a batch of Romulan ale to accompany my Trek viewing. Yes, I'm still slowly getting through my rewatch of all the earlier episodes, but that doesn't stop me from partaking in the new stuff. I know opinions are mixed about them, as per usual, but I like all of them.

But I digress. Romulan Ale, of course, doesn't exist, because the Romulan Empire doesn't exist. That doesn't mean we can't make our own version. The defining characteristic of Romulan ale is that it's bright blue, so obviously you need something like Blue Curaçao. So I found this recipe   in a web search.

In short (keeping in mind that this is not meant to be consumed in one sitting):

2 Cups Blue Curacao
1 Cup Clear Rum, no flavor or spice
1/2 Cup Grain Alcohol – (NOTE – You may substitute Vodka if you can’t get or do not want the Grain Alcohol – We use it in Geek Manor because we’re nuts).
1/2 Viso Will – (NOTE – If you can’t get Viso Will, you can use any Cranberry Lemonade, just know the color will be off, since Viso does not color their drinks).

Now, there are several problems with that recipe:

1. Way, way, way too much Blue Curaçao. It doesn't take much to make the drink blue, and I find its sweet orangey taste to be cloying.
2. Grain alcohol is, sadly, not available in Virginia. This might be my fault; it used to be available, but I used too much of it back in college and the authorities found out and banned it. (It is, oddly enough, readily available in Utah.)
3. What in the name of Kahless is Viso Will?
4. As it is "ale," there should be some carbonation involved. Doesn't have to be a lot, but it should be there.

So I made some modifications.

"But Waltz, didn't you just do a Comedy newsletter editorial saying you never make substitutions in a recipe?"

Yes, I did. But that's just for food. This is the important stuff: drinks.

So here it is, my recipe for the perfect Romulan Ale. Tastes vary, of course, and you should make it to your taste if you're so inclined.

1 Cup Blue Curaçao
1 Cup clear rum (this part I kept)
1 Cup vodka (and just to be utterly clear, this is unflavored vodka, not the teenager stuff)
1 1/2 Cups Sprite (or Sprite Zero if you're concerned about calories) (that's a joke)
1 1/2 Cups Club Soda (or plain seltzer)

Pour everything into one of the beer growlers you have sitting around. Close the growler and turn it gently a couple of times to mix (DO NOT SHAKE). Refrigerate overnight. Pour into beer glass.

The result:



Now, at that link they also refer to a Cloaking Device, which they describe as half Romulan Ale, half absinthe.

The problem is that absinthe is a) warp-capable and b) overpowering of any other flavors. So I make mine more like 2 parts RA and 1 part absinthe, and I pour it over ice instead of shooting it because it's better at making me undetectable.

It also looks pretty:



And fair warning, you will achieve warp speed while cloaked.

My friend also invented a drink we're calling Lower Drunks (in homage to the show Lower Decks), but that's not my recipe to share. Perhaps another time.