Writing Addict

Anna Lee Parker - Protagonist

Physical Description:

Intelligent, witty, short ball of fire. Her quickness with words intimidated most men. They made her taller than she actually was at 5.3. Her whole freckled face lit up her skin and her eyes danced when she talked just as her hands did. She had a natural beauty and an artist when it came to makeup. She could adapt to any environment she was in but she liked to dress up. She was a prep in high school and delighted in being different. Sometimes shocking. She was 26.

Personality:

She could be know it all snotty. She was always right when challenged and it was her way. She did not start out this way. She was generous, compassionate, she loved and felt with her whol heart. She was a people please whose lack of boundary got her in over her head often. She trusted people because she only saw the good in people. She expected everyone to have the same heart as her. She learned the hard way life did not work like that. People were often jealous of her but she had no clue why. The way she saw her self was not how other people saw her. If she could see herself in anothers eyes, life may have taken a whole different path. She was a giver who liked connection. She was possessive and intrussive. Empath/Altruism, Availability She was prideful, with either inflated or deflated self-worth. She was either prideful or humble. There was no in between for her. Her basic desire to be loved deterioriate in to the need to be needed.

Basic Fear:

Her basic fear was she wanted people to like her. She could not stand it if she thought you did not like her. You were not given the option to choose. She would make you like her. After her relationship with Dash, this changed somewhat. She self-protected. If she did not like you, you knew it. If you did not like her, she could care less. She would make sure you continued to not like her.

She feared being unworthy of being loved.

Pattern: She gave her value away to others.

Basic Desire:

She wanted to be loved. She wanted to be loved like she deserved to be loved. After she had her son, Gray, all she cared about was him. She would do anything to make sure he had what he needed. All she ever wanted was a family of her own. One that stayed together, she wanted to give her son and children to come what she never had. She would do anything she had to to do it. This never changed.

Key Motivation:

This was her motivation. She wanted to be loved and appreciated for who she was. Would she ever find that? When Gray was born, this was still a motivation for her. It motivated her even more. Gray became her motivation. He deserved to have a family. She was afraid she could not do it on her own. He deserved better in life. Life became more about him and less about her. That is what you are supposed to do right? Yes, but in healthy ways. He did not need or want the same things she did. All he wanted or needed was her. She wanted or needed for him to have a family because that was something she never had but always wanted. She pushed her agenda onto her son but she would not realize this until later on in life.

Kryptonite:

Her weakness changed from time to time. She could arrogant and intrusive or she would be a doormat. This changed according to circumstances and how she was feeling about her circumstances. Her self-worth varied because she found her worth in others. She by herself did not feel worthy. She did not feel worthy of anyones love and found it hard to look into her sons eyes because she wanted to give him the world and could not. She did not feel worthy of his love. After her relationship with Dash, she became even more needy. She was never able to see her own self-worth. She found it in her son. She found it Dash. She found it Buck. She found it in Lily. She found it in Clara. Her relationship with Buck made this area of her life swing wildly. They deserved so much more than her. They deserved better because she was inheritantly bad. She was worthless. She was beaten. She never saw herself as strong even though she was.

Her misbelief about the world:

She believed that everyone had the same heart as her. She believed that people could and would change for their children. She believed she could fix people. She believed that her love was enough but it was never enough. Therefore, neither was she. She believed her value was found in others because she did not see value in herself.

4 moments in her life that could have changed her story but she chose to believe the lie instead.

1. She was molested as a child and she thought her mom knew it but did not care. Instead of talking with her mom about what she was feeling instead of believing the lie, she just believed her own perception. Had she had that conversation, she would have discovered her mom had no idea because the one person Anna had trusted enough to tell did not tell her mom. So, she believed that she was bad.
2. As a teenager, she gave herself away to people. She had sex at an early age because she thought that was her ticket to feeling that love. But people talk and she quickly realized that it only made things worse for her. She was mocked and taunted - called names. This made her feel even worse about herself because she was a people pleaser and wanted people to like her. Again, she could have talked with an adult before making grown up decisions and she would not have done those things. Again, she believed that she was just bad.
3. She believed that she was not good enough for her mothers love. Because she failed to see her worth, she did not feel worthy of her mothers love. She believed she was bad and that her mom could not love her like she was.
4. She believed that she was unworthy of God's love. Men did not stay in her life they were taken away. First it was her father, then her step-father, and when her mom re-married she instantly pushed him away. She feared getting close to him. She was bad. She was not good enough. She had major issues. She needed help. She held everything inside and it came out into the form of running away. This made her feel even worse about herself. Everyone though she was bad. Maybe she just be bad.

What Lesson Does She Need to Learn?

She needs to learn that she is worthy of love. She needs to learn that God designed her and he does not make mistakes. She needs to learn that people will not love you because you are pretty or a good person. She needs to learn that most everyone else in the world is also struggling to love themselves. They are just as human as she is and that if they did not love her - it had nothing to do with her but everything to do with their own internal battles. She could not fix that for them. She could not change it for them. That was between that person and God. She was not God.

What is the best thing in her life?

Her family. Her grandmother, her children, her extended family who loved and supported her despite of herself.

What is the worst thing in her life?

She turned to drugs and men as the solution.

What does she look down on people for?

She looks down on people (in the beginning) for not following that path that people are supposed to take in life. You know, the worlds agenda. She looked down on people for using drugs. That quickly changed and she looked down on people who put down people who used drugs. What she looked down on people for changed everytime she walked through one of her own boundaries.

What makes her heart feel alive?

She likes doing for people. She likes to be the hero. She likes being able to give and to do for others. Until drugs made her dead inside.

What makes her feel loved, and who was the last person that made her feel that way?

Being loved, she also enjoys being in the spotlight, and making people laugh. She likes being the center of attention. She likes being the center of everyones lives. Her grandmother was quite possibly the only person that had ever made her feel that way. Her grandparents on both sides. She was their world and they were hers. That is how life works right? It was not that she had never felt loved by her own parents but they were busy pushing their own agendas. They were growing up too. Her grandparents had already been there and done that so they had the time to put forth the effort to make her their world and they were hers.

Top 3 things she values most in life

Gray
Lily
Clara