A Compendium of Carrolls

G2 - Paint the White Roses Red

"Mr Trampolini, I think you should come and see this."

My heart sank as I followed Wally, who is our loyalist, most diligent, and downright stupidest employee.

"What happened Wally?"

"You know the machines that put the cake, the jelly and the custard into separate boxes, so they can all be stacked together?"

"Yes." I answered warily.

"Well, I thought it would be a good idea if I made it so that they put all three in a box at the same time."

I could see that this was going to be a trifle silly, so I moved on.

All my life I have been something of a troubleshooter. As a professional I have a proper licence to carry my Smith & Weston-Super-Mare Official Bucket and Spade, the tools of choice for all who are 'in the trade'.

Often I'm asked what was my most difficult case, and I always reply, the small brown one with the dodgy lock that had a tendency to spring open at airports.

Once that little confusion has been cleared up, I will tell them about the moon landings. Now literally everyone who has half a brain, (or less), knows that the moon landings were faked. Usually you hear that they were filmed in a studio somewhere, or occasionally that it was in a small quarry near London, (they will point out that a small blue Police Box is clearly visible just behind Buzz Light-beer's left shoulder in several of the publicity shots.)

In point of fact they were actually filmed on Mars. This was glossed over because of the space race, and because the US Government didn't want people to realise that David Bowie was actually an alien from Mars, and didn't have a valid visa. (All this was subsequently covered in the documentary 'The Man Who Fell To Earth')

Enter Trampolini. My brief was simple, to "sort out this unholy mess" and "to foster Earth/Martian relations by furthering Mr Bowie's musical career."

During the spring and early summer of 1969 I was busy tying together 3,641 Standard Fireworks 'Fantastic Rockets', and two Catherine wheels, (because - why not!), under a Happy Wanderer Touring caravan. After a quick trip to Madame Tussauds to borrow their Collins and Armstrong figures, (Mr Aldrin had kindly volunteered to help out in person), I lit the blue touch paper and quickly stood back.

Then I realised that I should actually be in the caravan, and after nipping round to Fred's, (Fred Bloggis Window Cleaner and Kipper Salesman), to borrow a ladder, I scrambled aboard with just moments to spare. A scant ten minutes later and we were on the moon.

Buzz and I spent the afternoon arranging the wax figures, taking selfies, tweeting about the trip, and sticking flags all over the place. Owing to a slight oversight on my part, the flags had been bought last minute from a catering wholesaler, and were intended to use to show food origins. As they were a bit titchy, Buzz and I used some close ups of Lego figures with these to make them look to scale.

As the rockets had all exploded in getting us to the moon, we had to hang around for a few hours for a number 49 bus to take us back to Earth.

With the first part of my task clearly completed, I knocked up a song about the trip for Mr Bowie. It was of course his breakout hit 'I'm A Believer'.

As a result of these successes, I have been in high demand for years, and have even appeared on the FBI's most wanted Dead or... Actually - just dead List - twice!

What am I working on at the moment? Well, that's a bit hush hush actually, but let's just say that I'm working on ironing out the flat earth problem. No, seriously, I'm making the world's biggest flat iron.

WORD COUNT & PROMPT ▼

Word Count: 649 Words.

2. "Paint the White Roses Red" - Mistakes happen. Some beyond our control. Create a blog entry (or static item) telling of such a time(s) that has happened and what you did to rectify the situation (if any). (<1000 words)