The Trials of Chris-chan!

Chapter 6: Chris-Chan goes before the Grand Jury!

It was June 2022, and you are still royally upset! Just a month ago, you were bought back from Western State Hospital, and are very upset because you thought you were going back home, not to the Jail of Fail! However, while sulking in your jail cell, you get a letter with a familiar handwriting. You recognize it as Helena's and begin to read the letter!

In the letter, she talks about how your latest mugshot taken has sent her into a bit of depression and she has taken her hand into making some gory artwork. She then tells you the bad news about how websites across the internet has been removing Sonichu content off of their webpages because the owners of the website are disgusted with you and what you have done last year! She then hears about your bitching about how trolls are still making OCs without your permission and asks if it was OK for her to make some. You gave her the approval to do so.

During the month of June, you decided to fill Helena in on what all happened at the hospital full of "slow-in-the-minds." You told her that on the day just before the one where they sent you back to the jail of fail, you were getting argumentative with a nurse. The bitch went by the name of Betty Hoover and she was telling you some things that was making you upset! You try to smite her with your goddess powers, but she ended up ordering a group of Jerkops to dog-pile you and repeat what has happened to you in the 4th grade. While you were pinned down, flashbacks from the horrific event filled up your head as you begin to scream in a state of panic. You also claimed that the bitch gave you PTSD and you were going to take her sorry ass, along with the rest of the facility, to court for daring to harm a CPU Goddess! You then tell her that you knew that you were going to be betrayed and thrown into jail LONG before the call got leaked, by both Null and Bella! You then make a claim that your mother's testimony is "moot" and therefore, will not be allowed to be entered into evidence in a court of law.

You later tell her that the reason why things got so quiet during your stay at Western State, is because the Jerkops were sending the letters right back to the senders and you were not getting any! You again claimed that you never did anything with your Mother...nothing that you think would hurt her anyways, and stated that you did what you did because you needed to "soul bond" with her and heal her up! Helena asks what "soul bonding" is and you simply tell her that it only involves you, holding the hands of your loved one and staring right into their eyeballs...because that's exactly what happened between you and your mother and TOTALLY nothing sexual, AT ALL! She then asks why you were sent to Western State to begin with, and you told her that you were sent to be educated on how to properly behave in a courtroom. You were told by Heilberg or somebody that your antics in the courtroom was getting on the Judge's nerves and he had sent you there to see if you were able to stand competent in court! You also decided to take the time to bitch about how the Warden stopped you from drawing the Sonichu comics! You were drawing the comics to detail everything that has led up to your current predicament from last year, when the no good jerk forbade you from doing so! You argued with the warden that you were just doing this just to blow some steam, but the warden will have none of it!

Later on, you tell Helena that, under your new religion, witches and mystical shamans will not be punished anymore, BUT THOSE DANG, DIRTY TROLLS WILL CERTAINLY BE!!! She then asks you what you think of Pride and instead of talking about pride as in the kind shown in the LGBT community, you talked about the DEADLY sin of Pride and how it's not really a sin anymore...ARROGANCE is...and you told Helena to please plead with Gibi and persuade him to not give in to the dark forces and become a DANG, DIRTY TROLL! You then decided to once again air out your dirty laundry with Helena. You told her that while in jail, you have been trying to convince what little family you have left to try to be nice to you and help your mother out! But that bitch Harriett and Uncle Tom keeps butting in and telling them off, telling them that you are in jail for a reason and your mother is fine! You then reached out to your half-brother Cole Smithey and asked him to please help out! He just laughs at you and tells you to kindly fuck off before hanging up on you! That fucking bastard! If he wasn't such a greedy turd, he could of EASILY used his MOUNDS of money to not only help your mother out, but to possibly help you PAY OFF YOUR SHIT AS WELL, ESPECIALLY WITH FUCKING SETERUS! You also tell her that you hardly ever get angry, forgetting the fact that, just days before the fiasco has even started, you were making a Youtube video, screaming your head off like a lunatic at Hasbro after finding some slanderous Pony toys at Wal-mart and Target! You then tell her that before you went to jail, you tried to save Bella's soul from the demons, but she was too tainted by the evil forces, and did the evil deed of leaking the call and forcing you into this Hell-hole! You then decided to tell Helena a "Little White Lie", because, you know, since she is such a good girl, she is probably more than willing to help you out! You started off with one lie, claiming that the Sonichu Temple is nearly paid off and that all is left is for about ninety grand to come in and help finish it off! You then make up another lie and tell her that your mother...is no longer at home, but is rather "elsewhere." You claimed that you didn't really know, and she could either be in a medical facility, or at the bitch Harriett's condo! You also talked about how whenever you got back to the Holy Temple, you will be hard at work, cleaning up the place! You also decided to share a couple of things with her. You told her that at times, you think the prison guards are looking at the letters and posting them online! Yes, that's how the letters are getting online, the prison guards are TOTALLY looking through your mail and TOTALLY not the people you sent the letters to in the first place! And lastly, you decided to admit to the fact that at times...you have role-played as your own father...because their is nothing creepy about that! You even told her that you might have done this when doing...things...with your mother...

Some time later, when Helena is checking up on you, you decided to finally confess your lie...You tell her that you lied about your mother being elsewhere and that you still owed quite a bit of money on the Holy Temple. She then asks, while in shock, why you would lie about such a thing. You tell her that it was just a harmless "Little White Lie", but she tells you that, as a Goddess of "Truth and Honesty", you shouldn't of lied to BEGIN with and you should of been up front with her! You then tell her that you need her help in paying off the mortgage and putting your mother in a nursing home. Helena then tells you to kindly piss off before cutting off contact with you...

JULY 2022

You had begun to pace around in your jail cell, being quite nervous about your next day in court, when you get another letter. It was from Kenneth! You open it up with glee and find out that Kenneth is freaked out and asks why you lied to Helena and asked her to help put your mother in a nursing home?!? He then asks about a fundraiser you mentioned to her, and that's when you decided to lay out your grand plan! You tell him that you need him and Helena to start a fundraiser and raise about $150K to help not only pay off the mortgage and get rid of the greedy assholes from Seterus, but to help entice your Mom into going into a nursing home, since the traitorous bitch won't share her pus-, I MEAN UM, bed with you! Kenneth then asks if you have lost your mind and tells you that he is not going to go through with it! You tell him that the last time he committed blasphemy against you, you were a hairline away from smiting his ass, and you are getting to that point again! He again tells you that he is not going to go through with this preposterous idea and you angrily tell him that he better get off of his hamburger boiling ass and go work on it, OR HE WILL FACE THE FURY OF THE CPU GODDESSES!!! He then tells you that you have lost it again before cutting contact with you again also.

THE DAY OF THE TRIAL!

You have been pumped up for this day! IT HAS BEEN SEVERAL LONG AND PAINFUL MONTHS, BUT YOU ARE FINALLY HERE! AND TODAY, YOU MAY FINALLY SET FOOT IN THE GRACIOUS HALLS OF THE SONICHU TEMPLE! As you sit next to the dorky lawyer, he reminds you to please go along with the plea deal and you agree! You remember that during your stay, you have often been pulled into meetings with the dorky lawyer where he told you about a plea deal. It was basically saying that not only are you pleading guilty to the crimes committed, but you will also have to find a way to stay away from Mommy! Whether this means no longer staying at the Holy Temple or having her live elsewhere makes no difference, as long as the Judge is happy! You didn't like this idea...and have come up with an INGENIOUS PLAN! Not only will you REFUSE to confess to the crime, but you will gladly TELL THE JUDGE THAT YOU CANNOT BE SEPARATED FROM YOUR MOTHER, NO MATTER WHAT! Things go smoothly in the courtroom until Judge Miyamoto-San asks how you plead. That was when you stood up quite proudly and announced that not only are you rejecting the plea deal, but that the soul bonding is NECESSARY to help keep your Mom ALIVE! Your attorney starts cussing up a storm and tells you to stop this nonsense and plead guilty! You tell the dork to shut it! The Judge then threatens to send the case to a Grand Jury! Heilberg flips out and begins to beg you to, again, accept the plea deal, but you bravely tell the judge to send it to the Grand Jury! Your attorney goes into another cussing fit before asking what the Hell is wrong with you and asks if you have any idea what is going to happen. You tell him that it's no big deal because you are a Goddess, and you can conquer this courtroom! He tells you that, by being sent to the Grand Jury, you are getting set up to have FELONY CHARGES tacked onto you, and if you are found guilty, YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE SUN AGAIN!!! You roll your eyes at this totally empty threat and say whatever, when is the Grand Jury coming in? The Judge has set the date on August 8, 2022!

You then say fine, and that you will be leaving now! Before you could though, Jerkops start to grab and drag you out! You start to panic and yell, asking what is going on, and the Judge tells you that you will be waiting for the Grand Jury, IN JAIL...

no
NO
NO
NO
NOOOOOOOOO!!!


HOW COULD THIS BE HAPPENING?!? YOU WERE TOLD FOR MONTHS THAT AFTER TODAY, YOU WILL BE BACK AT THE HOLY TEMPLE, AND YOU WOULD NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS NONSENSE! YOU EVEN TOLD YOUR FOLLOWERS THAT AFTER COURT TODAY, YOU WILL BE IN YOUR TEMPLE, MAKING ANOTHER YOUTUBE VIDEO, SIGNALLING YOUR TRIUMPHANT VICTORY OVER ALL THE EVIL THAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE PAST YEAR AND YOU WERE GOING TO GET BACK AT THOSE DANG, DIRTY TROLLS!

After you get tossed back into your jail cell, you climb back onto your cot and cry your eyeballs out, UPSET THAT YOU WERE ONCE AGAIN WRONGED BY JUDGE MIYAMOTO-SAN AND THAT GODDAMN GREEDY...HEILBERG!!!!!