Odd O'blography

Shopping Hide and Seek

My wife is a woman of many talents, not least of which is her ability to disappear for long periods of time at the supermarket. I'm not talking about a long shopping trip while I wait at home. No, she can turn the corner at the end of the aisle and utterly vanish for five or ten minutes at a time while I wander around in confusion. These odd events usually coincide with my picking up a heavy, awkward, or frozen item. And no matter how many times it happens, I never seem to learn. In spite of my determined vigilance, she still manages to pull it off.

For example, she'll say, 'Oh we need a bag of potatoes' and then disappear with the cart as I walk back to pick it up. I can walk every aisle in the entire store, dangling a ten-pound bag of spuds, without ever seeing her. Or, she might say 'I forgot the milk. Will you grab a gallon and meet me at the checkout?' only to vanish entirely. I'm left holding the jug for what seems like hours as my hand slowly goes numb.

Our supermarket has about a dozen aisles with open space both at the front and at the back. I've tried to outwit her by standing at one corner and watching, but ten minutes can pass without her ever rounding the end of an aisle. And it doesn't matter whether I'm near the registers or back by the meat counter. Wherever I am, she's not. I've even considered asking the staff if she has an arrangement to duck into the back and watch me on the surveillance cameras, but I'm afraid they'll think I'm paranoid.

I'm not a paranoid! Really, I'm not. But if you see a guy at the supermarket, holding a frozen rump roast with a puzzled look on his face, please give him a little wink and nod in the direction of the woman hiding her cart behind the bread rack. He really needs to get a clue.