Porthole

10th week of the year 180

Be Romantic

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28/05/66

blog. Critic/AmyJo/Tigger 09:55
Exor. 200/100/50/200 10:30
Walk. 11:30
Foto. 12:00
ss&s. 12:30
shop. Pannya needed goggles, food (always) and we saw the Little Mermaid. 18:30
Pool. 20:15
tvBL. UMG 21:00
Thai. 22:55
PorP.

To Cricket: "I think it could help me write a skeleton of a story that I could then revise.

Or... it could create entertainment and I'd never have to read nor write again.

We already have enough entertainment available on-line. There isn't any need to leave the cave, interact with real people or create anything new. We won't live long enough to listen to all the music on youtube or learn everything at wikipedia.

It can lead to stagnation: the regurgitation of yesterday's offerings."

"I was 100 years old the day you were born. I'm only 82 now. Together we'll always be 100. May you live so long so you can see me as a youth and I can see my childhood again."

Pannya believes in rituals and keeping the cultural norms... so, of course, he ordered enough food for both of us even though I didn't want to eat. We took half home. Which is fine with me. I tried to explain, but we're in Thailand.

Earlier... it rained in the morning, not as hot a day. Gloomy but by night a beautiful moon and Venus.

My life is getting into a rut. The good news: I'm doing okay. The bad: I'm very isolated and have no friends.

27/05/66

Exor. 200/100/50/250. 09:15
ss&s. 10:40
Fast. Finished breakfast at 10:55. Pannya cooked fish and rice.
blog. Joy/Neva/Robert 11:24
Foto. 13:15
Walk. 13:15
PorP. "Run, run, run [180.47] M#19 40w"  15:45
tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ | EP.6 1-4 "I can live anywhere. But it's damn lonely." 18:00 (again on TV)
Pool. 20:00
Thai. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pU0k13dr7_k EP.1 22:20

It was 80 at 8 am, 87 at 10 am. Partly cloudy. Wish it would rain. Most likely tomorrow. 85 at 21:14. After the swim... ate what Pannya had cooked: rice with pork, raisins...

Observations: A woman blowing bubbles for a little girl, my burn has healed, bite still reddened, tree-loppers, floor-swishers, phone-talkers, sod-layers? tile-fixers? (both not today),

40 words:
05/27/2023-'run' I would walk away. As fast as I should. I would say little. Nothing if I could. Don't want your crumbs. Don't think it's fun. I'm not so dumb. I'm not your chum. Stultify, nullify, justify, petrify. Good guy? bad guy? bye-bye and I run, run, run. 47 Edited, posted.
05/28/2023-'wish'
05/29/2023-'will'
05/30/2023-'next'
05/31/2023-'prime'

26/05/66

Exor. 300/50/50/200 10:30 Cut back on twisting and swaying. My back isn't 100%
cook. rice, pork, duck-eggs, quail eggs, onion, green, cabbage... 11:00
ss&s. 12:30
blog. Sorji/Gemini/Cappucine 13:05
tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ | EP.5 1-4 16:30 บทกวีของปีแสง (You Are My Favorite, Botkawi Khong Pisaeng) 21:30
Foto. 18:45
Walk. 19:00
Pool. 19:50 Something bit me.
PorP. 20:15 "This weight of water [180.46] M#18 40w" 
Thai. LTT S2:11-13 23:00

84 degrees at 11:10. Cloudy. 89 degrees at 19:10. Not as hot today.

Pannya thinks I'm hot...

So I took my temp.

97.9.

Guess I'm not.

But truthfully? I feel a bit feverish and listless. I'm worn out.

But at least Pannya thinks I'm hot.

14:01... lying in bed under the a/c watching "Moonlight Chicken". I ate a bit more. Wonder whether that will help or not.

Pannya focuses on rules and rituals. He interrupts me when I'm writing or doing something important to me because I've broken one of the rules and that must be attended to first.

This. This is why the Swiss aren't known for expressive creativity. Fortunately they can be a haven for folks like Tina Turner... but she would never have become her creative self growing up there.

บทกวีของปีแสง (You Are My Favorite, Botkawi Khong Pisaeng) is new... and twisted. Vi får se.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw

25/05/66

Exor. 200/50/50/200 84 degrees and an easterly breeze. 08:40
blog. Harlow/Judith/Dianne 10:30
Wash. 12:50 Pannya washes the clothes
tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.4:3-4 online. 13:45 TV: Our Skyy 2 is an annoying farce. Thumbs down.
rose. white 15:00
Foto. rain video, tattoo, market, Lumpini 15:15
Walk. 14:30-15:30 slow walk getting wet.
shop. eggs, greens, light bulb, TP. 18:30
Pool. 19:20
ss&s. 19:30
PorP. "HERE LIES A QUEER [180.44] ((8)) "  "The best, the better, and the rest [180.45] M#17 40w "  20:55
Thai. LLT S2:8-13 23:05

07:26 and 81 degrees. May have sprinkled. May sprinkle again. May not get as hot today!

Saw three monks walking with a helper (novice?) with a cart following. The street behind us seemed busier at 7 then it will be later. Also: bumblebee, women in a pink blouse high stepping, an ant among the fragrant orchids, heavy equipment making noises, one hoot by the southbound 08:20 train, finches, mynas, the elevator floor still damp from being mopped.

93 degrees at 14:00 and getting dark. It poured around 14:30 and cooled down drastically. Now 80 degrees at 18:00. May rain again overnight. One can hope. The land still thirsts. Another slurp would be best.

To Harlow "Oh... I'll hop in! One of the issues of Western Christian culture is a dualism that goes back at least to the time of Moses and Zoroaster. The right/wrong black/white paradigm does not allow for other options found naturally (like 3 lobed, 4 lobed, 5 lobed leaves and repetitive patterns of fractals).

If modern-day Christians would learn something from Biology 101 they wouldn't be puzzled by multi-gender cultures found around the world. With their insistence on purity (my way or the way to hell) they have unintentionally killed and, intentionally, murdered millions.

In Thailand "lady boys" are referred to as lady boys and lesbians are tom or dee. In biology, XXY, XXX, and X are well-known among geneticists and secondary sexual manifestations are just accepted as such. Fascinating knowledge, but Christians cannot cope with anything outside of the narrow high-walled, deep-moat, gated existence of the self-righteous.

I have had acquaintances and friends in all of these categories. But... I'm old. It took time to actually meet people because not everyone felt safe decades ago and still don't. A certain openness, on my part and theirs, helped. It would have happened sooner but I was very shy and private growing up. Still am about many things.

As far as chopping "things" off... eunuchs didn't always have a choice. Apparently, they were considered safe among women (google 'eunuch'... quite fascinating) and accepted in roles that restricted men.

In a gender dichotomy without a trans category (or any other options) I accept a person as whatever they say and however they present themselves."

The Hill we die on will be blood stained with the miscarriage of justice, just us shouting through the silence of those muted by your dogmatic bigotry gifted to you by generations of hatred and fear. Hear us when we say queer. Hear us when we shout queer. Bury us with the epitaph, here lies a Queer. We will shout from the graveyard, my dear. ((8))

"​@tinagary3696 MSTSL ... make sure your learn Thai (American-French sign family) not Taiwanese (Chinese-Korean sign family) sign language. In Thailand you could do both. I'm in Udon Thani in Isan (Thai/Lao speaking with a large Vietnamese community). No need to stay in Bangkok or the beach unless that's your preference. This series is placed in Pattaya, a major ex-pat party hub but Thailand is big and amazingly diverse. Visit as a traveler (one month max is good for a 30 day visa) then fall in love with the people in a place that speaks to you."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/why-i-like-ron-desantis/ar-AA1bEVx3?cvid...

24/05/66

Exor. 200/100/100/300 09:20
Foto. Flowers, gazebo, workers 09:30
blog. Robert/Brian/Elizabeth 10:15
ss&s. 10:40
PorP. "At the zenith [180.43] M#16 40w"  11:15
Walk. To UD Town. Shopped at Lotus. 19:00
Pool. I got bit and Pannya won't let me swim until it's okay.
Thai. LLT S2: 8-10 22:00
tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.4:1-2 online. Our Skyy 2. 22:25

88 degrees at 09:44 which isn't so bad. My body is definitely getting used to the heat, but I still must be careful. Part of my problem yesterday may have been the walk I took when it was stifling hot.

I'm finally eating left-over rice with an egg. It's 10:50 and 90 outside with barely a flutter (3 mph) of a breeze.

98 degrees at 14:00 and no rain. We need the rain and I need a break from the extreme heat.

23:57 ... pee and go to bed. 81 degrees. I don't think it rained in town.

The Hill We Climb (or is it the hill we die on) https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/author-of-poem-removed-from-florida-school-fir...

40 words:
05/24/2023-'Golden' Retrieved: At the zenith a golden retriever smiles as always, happy to be loved, even happier to return that love. Whatever is thrown his way he brings back, again and again. Nothing is ever lost, not a ball, not a toy, not one stray happy thought. He always finds what his master is looking for. For him, that's enough. 57w Edited, posted.
05/25/2023-"The Best" the better and the rest. In your world of morality/venality/normality/exceptionality /totality, we who are merely mediocre dare not apply our exceptionality nor bow to your totality.
05/26/2023-'depth' Depression Glass: At the bottom what lies above crushes (the lies above crush the crystal vase that contains our soul). Yet this weight holds bones and flesh and thoughts in place. In the shallows all pain and sorrow would be released and dispersed. He returns to the depths to hold on to his treasures. 40w
Served on a platter: Breakfast was served on her very best china by her favorite eunuch of a husband. Her second favorite had served her earlier in bed. She felt sated by the mere memory of salty sweat. She'd taken two hot showers just to savor and relive them.

Character Prompt for May 2023:

Whatacharacter: An opsimath is someone who begins to learn or study only late in life.
Write a story about an opsimath of an unusual field or subject matter.

Once a May Queen, once a maiden, then a vampire, now immortal, the memories of a sunlit pasture with sunny flowers would lose all color. The books would have to do. As would the friendly mole and badger. They brought food ... now and then ... she had suffered on crumbs above ground. Here she would be grateful for less.

she listened to the gurgle of water; each whoosh or trickle told her what season it was and carried the news from above. she withdrew into the liminal space between here and there where nothing mattered.

she studied the language of water. It was older than her and she'd always valued the wisdom of elders. she cupped some in her hand. hot or cold, clear or murky/foggy in a rush or languid she knew the messages they conveyed. Her journals held the notes of one thousand years and the tears of generations of humanity. she was no longer human but refused to deny that she had been born a daughter of warlike barbarians. she would die in peace, if she were ever granted her greatest wish ... to just die.

Bard: pictures and haiku.

1095327 winds among the mighty / leaves wither from fallen branches 14
1093743 jayhawk's dim view / stone framed by crab apple blossoms 13 S
1092605 a tracery of purple redbud / a puddle surrounded by friends 16 S?
1099710 old larch tree knees / what lurks beneath the pond's surface 12
1543992 october tenth leaves / red gold leaves hold on tight 11 S

entry:644820 "May all life be a calm summer morning" In the voice of a boy 16
calm july morning / voice of a boy
1551694 fragile pink blossoms / the dinner will be served late 12

To Michelle Tuesday on FB: Missed out a lot over the years. Too many doubts, too many fears. I should be grateful for this chance, one fleeting fling before Death's dance.

23/05/66

Chronologically:
Exor. 200/75/75/200. My back aches just a bit so I did what I could.
blog. Jim/Jennifer/Beholden
ss&s. 11:40
PorP. "Lordie me [180.42] M#15 40w [18+]"  13:25
Thai. LLT S2: 6-8 14:35
Walk. Nong Bua 16:30
Foto. Nong Bua 16:30
Shop. Duck and quail eggs, Milo. 16:45
mess. Not much to do.
tvBL. พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.3:1-4 20:55 online.
Pool.

87 degrees at 09:38. Light grey cloud cover should give way to rain this afternoon. อาจมีฝนตกในช่วงบ่ายนี้ One can hope. Forecast for the week: 95/77 with rain probable. 91 degrees at 11:50. Out of the sun it doesn't feel so bad. My body has acclimated somewhat.

Notes: fragrant pink orchid, spent white trumpets, "cool" handlebars, pesky flies, twitter, clouding over, weak sun, mottled brown slug (5 cm), pigeons and doves, white, oranges, yellow, pink, violet, red flowers.

Sad/happy note: seems like the anti-ant chalk is working. I applied some last night. But... found some in the rice.

Cooking. Pannya usually cooks but I felt like it today and he got up late as usual. Sometimes he'll get up, make rice for me, and go back to bed. He randomly cleans, so I cleaned just a tad. Noon: he's resting/sleeping.

It's 97 at 14:36 and it wants to rain. Time for a walk (with my umbrella). Didn't rain. I walked to the Chinese Cultural Center and Nong Bua. Saw Ben. Then walked across the tracks to UD Town and bought eggs at Lotus. Pannya did get up and actually cooked rice.

I'm worn out, weak, not feeling well. I'm worried about Pannya but I'm also worried about myself. Watching Moonlight Chicken makes me weepy. It's the perfect hour to call Gare... and I'm afraid.

87 degrees at 21:17. I went out for a short walk. It's now 23:40 and time to nod off... if I can.

Last night/today is the commemoration of the Declaration of The Bab.

22/05/66

Up at a decent hour. 93 degrees when I exorcised (not a typo). No oomph = did less. Air looks bad. One doesn't see air when it's good. Hopefully the rains return tomorrow. Now 97 at 11:20.

Finished my 40w. Started studying Thai. Ate some rice and fish. Coffee. Fuzzy headed. I want to take a nap.

Dancing with fears. Dance. Dance the dance macabre. Dance as if your life depends on it. It does. Dance the dance that only you can dance. Dance until you drop in a swoon for all the beauty you've created.

Random memory of Lima 1974. No clue why... was I dancing? I did feel free. I was so distraught that I'd given up. Is 'not caring' a type of 'letting go'.

Two hour nap may not have been the brightest idea. I'm groggy now at 14:49. An oppressive 95 outside. Big thunder clouds. ฝนตกแล้วเหรอ? 98 at 16:22. I really need to go for a walk. Bought bananas and took some photos.

กินข้าวกับเนย ซื้อกล้วยสิบเก้าลูก 30 baht

PorP. "Mirror, mirror... [180.41] M#14 40w" 
Thai. LLT S2:4-6
Pool.
Walk. Bought bananas.
Foto. ถ่ายภาพ Dog, hat, chickens, flower. Pool.
Exor. 100/100/100/200 Not feeling too good. ฉันควรออกกำลังกายทุกวัน
tvBL. On-line พระจันทร์มันไก่ EP.1-EP.2
mess. ทำความสะอาดระเบียบ
ss&s. I remembered without putting this here, but I should anyways. อึโกนหน้าอาบน้ำ

QOTD for Lilli: "My (almost) daily objectives as recorded in my weekly blog "Porthole" .

PorP. Poetry or prose. At the moment 40 words and Express it in 8. The bottom line: write every day.
Thai. I must practice and use Thai e.v.e.r.y day; otherwise, why am I here? Pannya has noticed my effort.
Pool. I never learned how to swim. We have a pool! So... every day I try to deal with my fears.
Walk. It means I get out, say hello or take pictures, get to know my way around or just walk for the exercise.
Foto. Flowers, culture, animals, buildings, sunsets... whatever. I've taken some underwater photos and video.
Exor. Exorcize/exercise. What's the difference. There is a 4 station work-out. I need to strengthen muscles.
tvBL. Thai BL series help me learn language, culture and helps me deal with old personal issues.
mess. I'm not as organized or orderly as I should be, so I should work on my mess to make it better.
ss&s. Shit, shave and shower, etc. Sounds silly except that it's so easy to not take care of myself.

If I do these daily I make new habits. Living in another country is not a picnic."

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