Late Night Philosophy

More about Heaven and Hell (or Life and Death)

If I knew exactly what would happen to my conciousness after I dies, I would commit suicide without a second thought. I can overcome what few biological emotions and fear the compel me to stay. As it stands, the only thing that I will admit to keeping me alive is a fear of Hell. Or rather, the possibility of Hell. Granted, it would be horrible to kill myself and have to spend eternity in agony, but it would be even worse if I knew that I had missed out on eternal bliss in Heaven. So, more preciesly, what is keeping me alive is the fear that I have a choice in the matter of my eternal fate. For the sake of argument, if I stay alive and die naturally, I may get into heaven or be judged to go to Hell. However, if I kill myself, I get Hell by default. This is truly much worse than if EVERYONE was destined to go to Hell. Also as likely is the idea that something else might happen to my mind; I could become a free soul or I might just cease to exist, as is the nihilist point of view. Now, if I had the choice between eternal freedom and some worse fate, I would choose eternal freedom. But if I have no choice, then what's the point in trying?

Therein lies the problem. If I knew for a fact that my conciousness ceases to exist at brain-death, I would still kill myself. Some people would not agree with me and say that, if that is true, I should enjoy life. I say that if everything I do and experience and remember; everything I AM disappears at death, what's the point in being here at all? The counter to this is the idea of leaving behind your legacy for future generations. My counter is that legacies, no matter how great, eventually die out and disappear like everything else. Nothing lasts forever. So if my life and everyone else's is destined to disappear into the void, then why bother continuing. If I knew for sure that this was my fate, I would kill myself in a heartbeat knowing that the pain that I have inflicted upon those who knew me would eventually disappear like everything else and are irrelevant.

But, of course, I don't know for sure what will happen. Nobody does and no one should pretend that they do. But assume for a moment that I am right and God does not care either way, so there is no choice in the matter; no heaven or hell; everyone's conciousness ends up the same way at death, good or bad, forever and ever until the end of time (and maybe beyond). I would still kill myself. One lifetime is irrelevant in an eternity of experience. 40, 50 or 100 years are but less than a drop in the ocean of time. So what does it matter what I do here in a finite time with finite abilities when I have an eternity with which to experience without bound.

Of course, complete freedom is but one result of death. Eternal entrapment might also result. But if eternal freedom or entrapment are my one and only options, I would still kill myself. If I have nothing to look forward to than suffering in Hell or just entrapment, than why delay the inevitable? How can suffering seem so bad when there is no alternative? When there is no hope? Hope where there is none casues failure after failure, bringing more despair. So if I suffer in Hell and I know for a fact that there is no hope for an alternative, than it would not seem so bad. But in the end, I don't know for sure what will happen and that is why I am so afraid of suicide. I cannot put aside the possibility, no matter how remote, that Heaven and Hell exist. I do not know the mind of the Creator or the Creato's plan, so how can I be sure of the result of death or my actions? That is why I have decided to just exist until the moment I die, with no regrets and without suicide, so that I can either experience the sole fate of all sentient life or be judged into whatever fate my choices have led me.