Down The Rabbit Hole

D. 1. "Identity Crisis - Who are You?"

"Identity Crisis - Who Are You"

- create a blog entry (or static item) that deals with the moment(s) you’ve questioned yourself over any decision. (<1000 words)



W/C 606


         I arrived at this prompt, and I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about. I thought and thought. Like most people, I had a lot of dark moments in my life that required me to make decisions. Some had to be made in a split moment, and others gave me a reasonable amount of time to decide. I had already spread some of my dark moments in "The Drowning in Tears," and I couldn't do that again, at least for now. I decided to share my turn in helping a new mom give life.

         I graduated from nursing school in 1982. I began my career at Memorial Hospital, working in Labour and Delivery. I worked there for five years. At that time, a group of doctors built a Birthing Unit. It was independent of the hospital and a new concept here in town. It offered an alternative to birthing—all-natural.

         The staff was small. It consisted of three RNs, three techs, and four Doctors. We triaged our patients to make sure they weren't trips to the hospital waiting to happen. The first year went smoothly without incident. It was a great deal of fun, comradery, and rewarding experience. The Unit was starting its second year when the Doctors brought in a new Doctor. I knew this doctor and was knowledgeable about some of his personal habits. One of which was drugs. One of the founding doctors was my own personal physician. I tried to discuss this new doctor with him, but it didn't go well. I learned that this new doctor was a friend of his.

         It was Christmas. I had one admit. They were a sweet young couple, and they were expecting their first child. We were all happy, and the entire process went well until it was time for her to "push." I sent my tech to call the new doctor. He was asleep in the Doctors' Room. I could feel the baby start to crown. Again, I sent my tech to call the doctor. She called him a total of three times. He never showed up, and then it was too late.

          I had watched the doctors deliver babies for the past five years, and I felt confident knowing the procedure. I calmed the mama and the daddy down and went to work explaining every move I made to the parents. The mama followed my every instruction. Together, we delivered a 7lb+ baby boy.

         The Doctor finally showed up. I was the one who was blamed. He told the others that we never called him. I agonized over that and whether or not to move on. In the end, I figured that he was the dangerous one. I had worked too hard to lose my license or worse a baby's life. So I went to the county hospital. I am glad that I did. I started there in Labor and Delivery. Nine years later I transferred to the surgery department and became the OB/GYN head resource person.
The birthing no longer exists, and I have never been in contact with any of its Doctors since I left.

         I have grown over the years to believe that sometimes questionable things happen to open the door to the jewels of life.

         I want to add, that baby I brought into this world was the first of many for me. I can't describe the feelings that I experienced with each one. I'm not sure if anyone invented words for that yet.