I'm A Florent Fox, Listen Carefully

Nobody saw Nothin'

         Myrtle did not intend to eavesdrop, but the good Lord blessed her with two ears and some folks could not seem to modulate their voices. She really intended to keep her nose out of the affairs here at the seniors' home. Her therapist had insisted she stroll the corridors and those same hallways were never without some commotion. Trouble courted her attention try as she might to ignore it.

         Mildred, poor dear, huddled under her dreadful mauve bouffant and waved her cane whacking the young support worker doing her best to duck and weave.

         "Do you hear me? Nobody saw nothin'."

         Myrtle, the former English teacher winced. Out of long habit she approached the ranting woman and admonished, "It's nobody saw anything."

         Mildred rounded on Myrtle and attempted to silence her with the thunderous scowl she'd perfected staring down prison inmates.

         "Whaddya say?"

         With the briefest of sniffs, Myrtle explained. "You uttered a double negative."

         With a smirk and a nod she commenced her daily constitutional.

         The rapid tap-tapping alerted Myrtle Mildred had followed her.

         "Whaddya know from nobody?" demanded the panting pursuer.

         "Excuse me? I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

         "Nobody," repeated the red-faced figure leaning on her scuffed walking stick. "Nobody saw nothin'."

         " Nobody? I can assure you I don't keep company with nobody because he doesn't exist. The proper term is anybody."

         "Oy, ya beknowin' 'im, the security guard. Bloody thieves! He just let them waltz away with my stuff."

         Myrtle guffawed.

         "Ah, him. Nobody. Nobody saw nothing. Has anybody considered giving him a new nickname?"

         Mildred shook her head.

          (267 words)