Complex Numbers

Hush, It's a Secret

Today, I have secrets to share (yes, I know that just last week, I refused to share secrets). From Smithsonian Magazine:

    Eight Secret Societies You Probably Haven’t Heard Of  
Many of these selective clubs peaked in popularity in the 18th and 19th centuries

Of course you haven't heard of them. They're secret.

The university I went to was infested with secret societies. Still is, as far as I know. The only thing most people knew about them was their penchant for tagging the major landmarks, like the one pictured here,   in a fluff piece focusing on their altruism rather than their penchant for trying to take over the world.

Naturally, I was never invited to join any of them (or was I?) Not that I would have; I'm firmly of the Marxist opinion about joining any club that would have me as a member.

But other secret societies are larger in scope and membership, and some have already taken over the world.

It’s not uncommon for public figures to be involved in selective societies, many of which have deep historical roots.

One reason for the proliferation of public figures in secret societies is simple: control. You've probably heard rumors about goat-shagging or circle jerks or other compromising activities at initiations. Some of those rumors have a grain of truth to them. The deal is that the society helps you get the power, money, and position you crave, but you have to toe their ideological line, or the pics/videos of the goat-shagging or circle-jerking come out, and you have to resign in disgrace.

...the popularity of these secret clubs peaked in the 18th and 19th centuries. Back then, these societies served as safe spaces for open dialogue about everything from academia to religious discourse, removed from the restrictive eye of the church and state.

As far as it goes, those seem like worthy goals to me.

In recent years, Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code, and other novelists have shined a light on some of the bigger secret fraternal organizations, like the Order of Skull and Bones, the Freemasons, the Rosicrucian Order and the Illuminati.

Yeah, look, I'm not going to disparage Dan Brown as a writer. But he's a fiction writer, and fiction writers are known for Making Shit Up. It's right there in the name, folks.

I may be biased because I read The Da Vinci Code right after I read the purportedly nonfiction Holy Blood, Holy Grail, which made it obvious to me that Brown had cribbed some of the main points of the latter, and added his own embellishments.

So, on to the actual societies featured in the article. As there are eight of them, I'll select only a few:

The Improved Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks of the World

It is well-known that you want to name your group something innocuous to hide the dastardly deeds they're doing. Like calling your dictatorship a "democratic people's republic," or your fascist movement "socialist," or your propaganda arm the Ministry of Truth.

In any case, come on, who hasn't heard of the Elks?

Around the turn of the 19th century, two Black men in Cincinnati were denied admission to the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks of the World, an organization founded in 1868 with the goal of serving those in need. Barred from membership, Arthur James Riggs and Benjamin Franklin Howard decided to create their own order.

Hence the "improved" bit in the name.

The Odd Fellows

Interestingly, real skeletons appear in the order’s lodges; they are used during initiation to remind members of their mortality, the Washington Post reported in 2001.

"Do as we say, or this will be your fate."

The Ancient Order of United Workmen

While Elks and Oddfellows (along with Meese and Masons) are fairly well-known, I hadn't heard of this one. Sounds like it's time for them to make a comeback.

The Molly Maguires

Come on, now, even the article admits they made a movie about this one, so its existence is hardly a secret.

Still, known or not, some of these societies do operate in secret, which has certain advantages. If you really do want to do good in the world, without the inevitable pressure of the press, that's one way to go about it.

Or you could be trying to take it over for nefarious purposes. And that's the problem: Lots of these groups claim to be altruistic, but one can never be sure.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my International Benevolent and Democratic People's Order of Malt meeting. It's kind of like the Knights of Malta,   only it's not Catholic, it's missing an 'a' at the end, and it's not-so-secretly about beer.