It matters becuase?...

Just another day in paradise....

I'm no good with titles, as you can guess by now... I used to be really good at coming up with a title for a particular plot... Now even the plot won't come to me.

Come to me, Come to me... Sweet blade of agony, come to me. Pierce my soul, set me free... Come to me, Come to me...

Sorry... had to let out my poetic anger, frustration... No, that's not right. Identifying my own emotions is difficult too, sometimes. The word I need here is dispair.

Dispair... Depression... Have ruled my life, my mind, my soul for days now. day after day after day. Every moment prolongs itself like an unwelcome guest.

Lying in bed, last night,(or was it the night before?) I could not help but think of how much I wanted to die. How much I wanted to pull the trigger, scream myself to death under water, cry until my heart stopped...

I swore almost a year ago I wouldn't cry in self-pity ever again... and yet last night, I seemed to have broken down. Locked away, knowing that no one would try to open the door, that despite being in a city of millions, I was all alone. There was a time when I would have basked in such an oppurtunity. But now, I'm like a lone wolf that has found her pack, only to be seperated again. My heart is howling to the round moon. Why? Why can't they be here, now? Why, when I seem to need companionship most, are they all so distant?

Taryn, Judith, Adriana, Mouna, Amy, Michael... Hell, even Larry! What I wouldn't give to hear their voices right about now...

But, despite my longing to die... never has my conviction to stay alive.. to live through this pain.. been so strong... These people also gave me the best reason to live I've ever had... Love... Like sisters and brothers, like friends, and even in its most literal sense. Dear Goddess, how I long to see them!!

The only comfort I have is a thick stack of books I brought from the library... But some of them only make me feel more alone...

Stargirl... How I used to be like her in some respect... Unknown, unnoticed, or simply ignored... how naive I was then...

Someone to Love... Yes, siblings do seem to steal away the attention. Yes, one can be idealistic enough to think that just by stepping into the real world, all your problems can be solved... Yes, Human kind can be selfish and creul...

A Carress of Twilight... Now this just makes me angry... This author, Laurell K. Hamilton, has me lost in her wonderful writing. Such passion, such intrigue... This is the type of writing I would love to be able to do... her writing, Specifically, this book, inspires me to write. Late at night, I'll be reading.. get an idea... spring up to dash to the computer and write... and be cut off by an angry mother... such wonderful writing!! I'm trying to prolong the book so that I can enjoy it more...

*sighs heavily* Off to try to write another seemingly great story... *sighs again and starts to sing as she fades away* Like the rain... Like the rain...