Sarah's Life

Now then...

There is a slightly odd feeling knowing that now Cody can access my journal. Should I continue to talk about how much not having him around sucks? Hell, I guess I never really talked about that much in the first place - just how much losing him hurt.

Then again, I guess I did just bring it up.

Anyway - the odd thing is, I'm not really sure how uncensored I should make my thoughts. I'm not even sure I can ever avoid censoring my thoughts, so perhaps I should just go about my usual journaling - the periodic bitchy rant, and that's it.

Or I could use this as a medium to basically communicate with Cody, even though I said I would leave him alone... Is it my fault if he emails me? I've been told that when he does I shouldn't reply... but it wasn't my choice to leave him alone... he asked me to. Thus, if he's emailing me, he's basically asking for a replay.

In that case, then, why doesn't he just call me? I won't call him - I won't approach him - I won't email him... but if he tries to contact me, I won't refuse contact back... it was his choice to end this, not mine. Hell, I'm even cool with being used as a punching bag... if that's what he needs, then whatever. I didn't turn my back on the friendship, he did - I still consider him a friend, and that is in all meanings of the word - I would go out of my way to help him... if only he would ask.



As for everything else - I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this job opportunity I have at the Holiday Inn... it was kindof creepy just being back on that side of town... much less working one city block away from where he lives... Not like I'd run into him in a hotel or anything, but it's still a weird feeling. Somewhat like when he and I were fighting, and I didn't like going down to the creek, or anywhere else in Idledale for that matter, because I was /afraid?/ of running into him.

*sigh*

*leaves to continue pondering in a safer place - her head*

~~Sarah