The Thought's of Me!

The "Real" Me

Alright, so I know I haven't updated in a while. Truth is, nothing really important has been happening.

Well last weekend I did ask a friend a question about *another* friends. Her response was "Don't ask questions whose answers are right under your nose." I hate when she goes all cryptic like that.

But, I took her advice, well it wasn't really advice. I "observed" and that's when I noticed it. Okay...so I had previously thought that *something* was going on, but yesterday I actually *saw* some of it. Then, my observations were considered true when I ummm...."talked" to my friend.

Now I'm not mad. Not a bit. Well, just a *tad*. I really wish she would have told me. It kind of hurt. I can't say how...it just sort of did.

My friends say I've been acting weird since Monday. What they don't know is, that is how I *do* act. Ever since Monday, I've been me. No games, no tricks, no hiding behind a wall. The truth of the matter is, I've always been a quite girl. Didn't say much, of course I laughed along with my friends. But talking? No, I didn't do much of that.

And that's how I've been acting. I decided to take a break from my *fake* self. The one who is always laughing and talking, and happy.

Because of this *new* attitude some of my friends have been avoiding me. That hurts just as much. I don't know what to say to them. Nothing's wrong? I'm okay? This is me? I'm not completely spaced out? I tried those. It didn't work. They didn't believe me. They just can't seem to believe that I've always been a depressed sort of girl.

See, one of my friends recently said to me... "Don't stop talking! Or I'll stop talking to you!" I said "Fine, I won't! I'll talk!" Although I ended up storming off. See, I take comfort in listening to my friends talk. I don't care what or who it's about. I just like to see and hear them joke around and have fun.

That's what I've been doing. Listening to my friends, just not giving any output. I also take comfort in knowing my friends are there. Even if they are close, or a few feet away, it calms to know they are there.
Like on the bus, my friends that goof off and crack jokes. I just sit there quietly, listening in watching. Or looking out the window and listening. I know *they* are there having fun, and that's all that matters.

Same with lunch, I might seem all spaced out. But I'm not. I listen and smile, though they don't see it. I *stare* off into space, but I still listen to my friends. I take comfort in them being *around* me. Like a security blanket. It's why I don't like being alone.

So...that's pretty much what's been going on for the last week or so. Tommorrow is Valentine's Day. According to me...The worst holiday of the year! Pink and red thingies all over, makes me want to puke! I'll have to admit, I don't mind the candy. But I could do without the other couples walking around school make ga-ga faces at each other, holding hands, hugging, and kissing. *Shudders* I might have to restore back to the old..if somebody comes running up to you with their arms outstretched...RUN! I swear, I'm not in the mood for Valentine's day this year.



"What would you do if Death stared you in the face? Would you run and hide? Or take it with pride?"

Merry Meet and Blessed Be