The Thought's of Me!

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that

WARNING: This entry is very different. Read at your own will. Understand if you can...

I despise my mom. Yes, DESPISE. I don't hate her. Oh no, I couldn't do that. She is after all my mother. She gave birth to me, and kept me clothed and feed for about seven years of my life. I despise the way she's to lazy to walk three feet to get herself a glass of water. I despise the way she says I shouldn't complain about stuff because I don't have a job. HELLO?!?! I want a job! There are such things called child labor laws. That's not MY f***ing fault. I despise the way she makes me feel, and how she treats me like a servant. I despise the way she point out my flaws. It's not like she's perfect. I despise the way she won't let me defend myself, and blames me for things I didn't do. I despise the way she can't SEE that I despise her.

However, I love my father. I love the way he comforts me when I'm sad. Makes me laugh, and treats me like a daughter. I love the way he ASKS me to do things, and thanks me afterwards. I love the way he doesn't call me by some nickname that I HATE! I love the way I can cry into his shoulder, and he'll just hug me and say that it'll be all right. I love how he'll protect me from everything that makes me angry or sad.

I know I'll always be his little girl, and that no matter what he'll be there for me. I know that even though he says he'll have to be dead before I date, that he'll support me in any partner that I choose. I love the way we can just "hang out," be friends, and yet still be father and daughter. I love him, and even though he doesn't say it, I know he feels the same. I'm proud to admit that I'm my father's daughter. I know, that through thick and thin, he'll always be there. Supporting, protecting, caring for, humoring, cooking for, and just plain loving me.

I'm angry at *her* no names are going to be said. The way she says one thing, but then later it's almost like she didn't mean it. She knows I'm insecure about myself, but says things that make me feel worse. I have major trust issues, and she knows that. Yet, she continues to crush my trust in her. I hate they way it seems we're growing apart. I'm hostile, and she doesn't get it. She has NO clue. I wonder if she does it on purpose? Does she know how bad I'm suffering from this?

I often wonder...what am I? She doesn't SEE what I see, or understand what she's doing. Or, maybe she does. Just maybe, she's doing it on purpose. She could be trying to break me. I want to yell and scream and just take out all my agressions. I want somebody to talk to about *her*. Somebody that understands, and knows where I'm coming from. I want somebody (besides my father) to show that they DO care. Maybe she knows what she's doing, maybe she doesn't. Maybe I'm bringing this on myself? Who knows...I'm messed up right now.

I want a TRUE friend. One that lives near by. One that I can talk to about anything and everything. Somebody that I don't have to worry about. A friend who I can pour my heart and soul out to, and not worry about them running off and telling people. A person who understands what I'm going through with my mother, and my friends, and *those* people. I want somebody who can make me laugh, care for me when I cry. Somebody I can run to when everybody else just isn't good enough.

I sound just like about every other teenage girl out there. I know, they say it's a phase. I believe it may be, but that doesn't mean I can't EXPRESS what I'm feeling. As soon as school starts I'm hoping things will get better. I'll be able to have friends that'll keep my mind off of things like this.

I think, more than anything, I just want to be UNDERSTOOD. Like many girls my age. Do you understand? I bet you think you do, but you really don't. Just like they are, you're clueless. I pity you, I pity me. I pity this pathetic little world. What have we come to?

You say you understand, you THINK you understand. Show me then. PROVE to me you understand. What EXACTLY am I talking about? Can you tell me what EMOTIONS are running through my mind? Can you tell WHO I'm talking about, can you tel me WHY? If you can, then you DO understand. If you can't, don't feel so bad. Many people can't. Sometimes, I don't even understand myself.

Untill next time....

~*Mistress Of The Dark And Morbid*~

---------
I Am The ~*Mistress*~ Of The Shadow Realm. Here, Nothing Is As It Seems. I Am Your Mistress, And You Are Nothing But A Toy. Take Heed, Remember That. For If You Forget Your Place, Not Only The Highest Power Can Save You.

Carpe Noctem!
(Seize The Night)

*Wishes For An Up-Grade!*