When I Die

Metallica - St. Anger

All metal heads, please don't bang that guitar on my head. This one's not a nice review, I know. But puhleez, don't bang that guitar on my head. If anyone deserves a whack, it's probably the band itself.

I got some really nice emails (sarcasm) telling me some really nice things (more sarcasm) when I wrote 'Metallica's St. Anger sucks' in this journal a few entries back. And to those who sent me those nice comments, here's my reply--the sane bunch of you may consider this as an attempt to describe why I think the album sucks; the insane bunch of you may consider this as my reply to your NICE comments (read: a smack in your face.)

St. Anger - Metallica.
Metallica. Somebody once said that Black Sabbath invented metal; Metallica perfected it. He said that Metallica are the Gods of metal. I used to think so too. But, no; the Gods have fallen.

I'm a Metallica junkie. Metallica's been a favorite ever since times immemorial. I've got most of their songs, all the way back to Sanitarium and before.

So, when I heard that there was a new Metallica album in the store, I rushed out, and bought it; I usually never buy an album without having heard at least one song on it before.

I almost ran home, and pushed the CD down the player. I pushed Play. I mentally prepared myself for a religious experience. I expected a sonic masterpiece.

And then a lazy beat came on. Relax, maybe it's just some FX. No, the beat rolled on. It sounded like a kid playing with a steel can and a stick. Jesus!

Then, there was a constipated wubba-mmm-wubba-wubba-mmm-gung-gung rythm. At first, I thought it was FX again. But no, it was the bass. Oh, God!

Then, a ninety-seven year old duck was singing something in a tuna-fish voice. Shit.

I fumbled around with the CD cover to make sure I'd bought the same CD I wanted to. It was.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my fellow heavy metal brethen, this is not METALLICA. It can't be. Metallica never sounded so bad. So pathetically bad.

Let me tell you what is wrong with the whole album:

1] The drums. I don't think Lars Ulrich did the drums. There's absolutely no bloody way he'd sound to sick. The drums sound tired. There is no energy in them. the snares are all wrong, the kicks have no thump; the cymbals don't clang and shatter your minds, and the hats sound like soft farts. There's no wicked roll here like FUEL. No CRASH like Wherever I May Roam. No delicious fade in like Enter Sandman.

2] The bass guitar. I never thought that Jason Newstead's departure would weaken the band. I mean, he was just a bloody bassist. But the bass here, well, it sucks. It sounds like it's computer generated TB303ish bullshit. [TB303 is a legendary bassline synth - you've heard it on almost every other techno/trance song you've heard.] No, the bass ruins the album. It would've been okay though, if the drums had been thick and juicy enough. But combine the bad bass with the ghastly drums, and this album goes straight to heaven [if this was a kick-ass album, it would've gone to hell, as all good Metallica albums are damned by the rest of the world [meaning, non-metallicans] anyway.]
Remember the pounding bass on Enter Sandman? How about the one on Sanitarium? Don't Tread On Me? You ain't getting any here.

3] Hetfield's voice. He's lost it guys. He sounds tired. Old. And this sad transition has taken place only in the last year. If you doubt me, go listen to I DISAPPEAR - which is on the Mission: Impossible - 2 OST. Holy God! That song rocks. His voice booms so magnificiently. In fact, that was the last song where Metallica were still Metallica. That was the last song they had with Jason still in. Maybe it's true. When bassists leave the band, everything goes wobbly. But here, Hetfield sounds like a thirteen year old trying to imitate Pavoratti. I know you'll hate me for saying this, but it's true.

4] Guitar riffs. There are none. And this for me, is the BIGGEST reason why this album doesn't work. I mean, the beats are in a coma, fine. The bass is puked out. Okay. The singer isn't at his best. Fine. But not guitar riffs? None? Shit. If you look back, every single Metallica song had screaming guitar riffs. Can you ever forget the one on UNFORGIVEN? Remeber the weird synchro on THE MEMORY REMAINS? How about the twisted one on OF WOLF AND MAN?

All in all, they tried to make an album which has a] repetitive beats. No breaks; a simple Dhum-chuck Dhum-chick arrangement that gets boring after about thirty seconds. There are no beat variations in-song.
b] uninspiring songwriting. All the songs, except maybe 'invisible kid' fall flat on their pee-wees.
c] farty bass. I suspect they tried to sound different. Well, it's a royal screw-up.
d] asphyxated vocals;
and it doesn't work. It absolutely doesn't.

I hated every word I typed in this review. I love Metallica. I really love that band's music. I mean, come on, who can ever forget listening to NOTHING ELSE MATTERS for the first time? Who can forget jumping out of their seats and screaming, 'Yeeeeaaah!' when the lead guitar kicked in? I can't.

Hear THE BLACK ALBUM. Then listen to this one. You'll know exactly what I'm trying to say.

Remember the grandma humming, 'na nana na na na na na, na na nana na' on THE MEMORY REMAINS? No such stuff here.

I'm sorry to say this. So bloody sorry. Metallica have fallen.


I mean, they did the whole MP3 lawsuit thingy, but that was okay, as long as they still could rock like hell. But man, commercialism has just screwed them up


But listen to this album carefully, and you'll see just how beautiful this album could've been. Tighter drums, real bass, controlled singing and lead guitar solos would've done the job.

It's like the guys had to hurry up, and recorded the songs in three hours straight. And somehow they managed to take every bit out of the songs that is METALLICA's MUSIC, They've taken the METALLICA SOUL out of the album, and dumped the remains down on us. And the result, is dead. It's a zombie. It has nothing in it to redeem it.

I just wish that the next time Metallica decide to give us an album, they actually listen to it and wonder if it sounds like themselves before the ship it to the stores. Commercialism killed Metallica.

I'm sorry, guys, for being so harsh; but it's the truth. So sorry.

And all the hate mails you send my way are justified. Even I hate myself for not liking this album. But I tried. I really did.

Chimpatica,
wondering where Metallica's magic went.


[P.S: If you're wondering why the only things I seem to be writing in the journal recently are reviews and lists, it's because nothing worth mentioning has happened in my life. Simple as that. ]

When You're Surrounded By Guilt And Fears,
A Fallen Angel Can See Your Tears


"Time had a beginning, and therefore,
logically, it will have an end.
We weren't there when time began.
Nor will we be there to witness its end."
---- Stephen Hawkings


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **