Sarah's Life

Jackson

So, I was talking to Munchie over the weekend and he mentioned that Jackson won't talk to him because he has contact with me. The boy's that paranoid. So I'm sitting here thinking: I still post in this journal. I still post on my various forums. I still allow myself to have a life both on the internet and off the internet. If one of Jackson's friends wanted to talk to me, I'd be cool with it. I don't even really care what's happening with him now, as I figure he's either found his way to be happy or he's still an obsessive little kid who refuses to get over himself or any percieved insult to himself. But what purpose does it serve to cut yourself off from people like that? If I tried to contact one of his friends, what would he do? I think it's kinda weird, and it bothers me.

It also bothers me that I still have no clue who the people really are who view my journal from time to time and for all I know he's reading this. I don't really see it as fair if he gets to be part of my life and I don't get to be a part of his. It's not right. So I'm seriously considering dropping this journal again. Despite how thereaputic it is to have a place to put my thoughts and feelings on various subjects. I'd move it, but I've found in the past that it doesn't work as well. There's something about the fact that I have all my history sitting right here in this journal. I can go back years now and look at things that happened to me back in my Junior year of highschool. It's something interesting for me and I don't want to end it. I couldn't imagine letting go of something that actually has meaning for me.

I wonder what goes on in his head that justifies these reactions. I've been burned before. I've had my share of heartbreak and pain, but I never reacted like this. I find it interesting that he's the only one that hasn't ended up friends with me in the end. Even Munchie managed to stay friends with me. So why has it been so hard for him? I wish I knew, so then maybe I could say the right thing for once. I wish a friendship could have formed, and I at times still hope... but I've given up on it, and I'm not expecting it anymore. Especially if he's going to keep acting like a child over the whole issue. I don't know why I still care. And it bothers me.

I'm seriously considering taking my ramblings private again for a while. But then I'd just be sinking to his level. I like having my thoughts here so the people who I want to keep in on my life can read them, but not have to say it all to every single one of them every single time I talk to each person. It makes things easier.


"If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time, or the tools, to write." - Stephen King

"Forbidden fruits create jams" - Chuch sign saying

"What a strange path I took to find my heart" - Crime and Punishment in Suburbia

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

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