Sarah's Life

Subconscious issues

Every night for the past few nights my dreams have one way or another lead to Jackson. I've begun to think that perhaps I'm not supposed to get over him, or that perhaps that chapter is not yet closed as I formerly believed it was. The end of all these dreams is my calling his house, trying to reconnect with him one last time, and failing. Every time I fail because someone else picks up the phone and refuses to let me talk to him. I keep trying to figure out what this is supposed to mean and I simply can't (anyone out there in cyber-land who could help?).

I don't know why I feel like there hasn't been closure on that front. He and I have talked since the break up, and even that went badly. Though I find myself wondering now if perhaps it went badly simply because of everything else that was going on that week which interfered with my judgement. Not that now would be any better, I'm sure. Having Screech as a friend isn't much help either, knowing that he is a potential way for me to indirectly contact him... I wonder if I will ever be truely rid of the "Jackson influence" in my life. Then again, I'm not really sure I want to be rid of it.

I become tempted to call him. I know he would not respond to an email sent by me, which only leaves me with that option. I don't know what I would say, however, which makes it that much more difficult. Decisions decisions.


"If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time, or the tools, to write." - Stephen King

"Forbidden fruits create jams" - Chuch sign saying

"What a strange path I took to find my heart" - Crime and Punishment in Suburbia

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

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