Personal Journal

Just another day

I can just listen to this album over and over: Sting, the Soul Cages. When I think of what my unique spirit feels like, I find it reflected in the guitar throughout this album, especially on the songs “Why should I cry for you,” and “Wild, wild sea.” It has a very light, floating quality to it, and it’s so smooth, the transition from note to note. I saw Sting on this tour, in New Mexico – one of the best shows I’ve seen. Sting’s a great performer, with a real feel for his audience, and an ability to perform to what they want.

So I’m writing at work, why work, right? Doing a little treading water, wondering whether I can backpedal well enough so that the latest architectural redesign of documentation will pass over me with little or no real consequence. That’s likely, actually. And I have to write my own performance review today. I’ll be honest, no need to BS anyone. I have my strengths and weaknesses, but I’m a value added asset, I believe. It’s too bad they don’t utilise me to the ability that they could. This is such a boring job. If I could, I think I’d work from 2 in the morning to 10 in the morning, and try to be here alone a lot.

I was up at 2:45 this morning, so I’m actually pretty tired now (7 a.m.). I ony got about 5 hours sleep. There was some activity across the street this morning when I woke up, some young adults having a social gathering, nothing of consequence, but I wasn’t tired when I awoke, so I got up after lying there a half hour. I painted a little. And it was nice, and quiet, and serene, and cool, too. Didn’t get much painting done, though, but came into work at about 5:30, a nice hour of extra quiet.

Jean and I have been doing okay. Worried badly about money, of course. Have to take a look at that, but every time I think about it, I get pretty nervous and anxious and I have set my mind on doing it tomorrow. Going to have to hit up one of Jean’s relatives about money, I think, every month now. Jean’s probably going to be resistant to that, and I swear I think of telling her sometimes that it’s okay, I’ll just default on the mortgage and she can move out and I’ll just go off and die somewhere from shame… Not worth fighting over though – she’ll hit her family up, or that’s exactly what’ll happen, and I really don’t need to threaten about it. It’ll happen or it won’t, I’m not going to get upset about it. It’s only money, that’s been my outlook for quite a few years.

I think there’s a bit of an upswing in Jean’s health, albeit mild. She just seems to have a bit better attitude, even if she’s still got the dizziness and blurred vision.

Politics is bothering me. Loved the Reagan commemorations. Loved them. Made me feel alive and reminded me of all the pride I have for my political positions, and how Reagan was a true hero of mine. Been thinking about re-opening my old political thread, and I probably should. That’d give me something to write about. I’ve also been thinking of re-opening a campfire I was doing with P. Maybe try to keep the entries ultra short – 1 typed page, and just try to get a pulse back for fiction. I feel like I need to push a little.


It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn