Fearful Passion

Chapter Eight

Caroline awoke the next morning and went to stretch her bones. She let out a whimper when she tried to move because she was sore. Joshua was immediately in the room and looking around for an intruder. Caroline pulled the covers all the way up to her neck when she realized she was still naked underneath the blankets. Joshua looked at her and went to her side.

“Are you ok this morning? Can I get you anything?” Joshua asked.

“Some clothes would be nice? And maybe a bath?” she asked and tried to give a smile.

“We’re about to touch land and I’ll find you a nice room with an indoor bath. You may have your privacy and rest,” Joshua said brushing her hair away from her face. “Until then, I still have your dress from the party. I’ll bring it to you.”

He left the room and returned shortly with her green dress. He laid it across a chair and stepped back out of the room. She stood up carefully and shuffled to the chair. She donned the dress and found a brush lying on the table. She quickly brushed through her locks and then opened the door. Joshua was standing there waiting on her. He walked into the room carrying a tray of bread and wine. Caroline ate quietly and kept her head tucked down knowing Joshua was watching her. When she finished, she pushed the plate away and pretended to see something interesting in her hands.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Joshua asked.

“Don’t be silly. I’m not avoiding you,” Caroline said looking up and smiling, but then immediately ducked her head back down.

Joshua leaned over and lifted her chin to look at him. She kept glancing away although he held her chin. Finally, he made her look at him and she saw the compassion in his eyes. Her eyes filled up with tears as she looked at him. He moved his chair closer to her and held her head against him.

“Joshua, it was awful. I was so scared. I didn’t know if you’d be coming back really or not. I tried to escape after you left. Michael caught me and accused us of planning the escape. Then, he hit me a few times before having me carried to my tent. Then, he came in when I came to and…and…he tried to rape me!” Caroline cried.

Joshua held on tight to her, letting her emotions come out. He hated all of this had to happen to her. It was his entire fault. If he hadn’t taken her in the first place for his selfish desires then, she’d still be safe and sound in England, living her life in society. Now, she had all bad memories associated with him and he would never be looked at fondly again in her eyes. He held her tightly and rocked her back and forth calming her. He rubbed her hair down her back and kept it out of her face as she cried. He felt the bump of the ship hitting land and sat Caroline back away from him. He reached for a cloth that lay on the table and dabbed her eyes and wipe the tears away from her cheeks. She sniffled and tried to compose herself.

“I’m sorry I dumped all that on you. I just needed to get it out. Tell someone who wouldn’t say it was my fault.she said with fear in her eyes.

Byron knocked on the door to tell Joshua that they had docked. Joshua thanked him and stood up from the chair.

“There’s fresh water in the pitcher if you’d like to freshen your face before we head up. I’m going to go up and see to a few things before we find an inn,” Joshua said.

“Alright,” she replied.

Joshua followed Byron out. Caroline stood up and went to the pitcher and placed the cloth they had been wiping her eyes with into the water. Then, she squeezed it out and ran it over her face. The cold water felt good against her skin and she wiped her face and down her neck. Then, she wiped down her arms, sending shivers through her. Joshua came back down a few minutes later and retrieved her. He had found an inn and already bought lodging for two nights. He’d give her time to rest from her ordeal.

Caroline followed him out of the room and up to the deck. She reached for his hand as walked down the ramp into the city. People were out bustling around, but it didn’t seem as crowded as the last port. Caroline heaved a sigh of relief. She didn’t want to see a lot of people. She felt like they all knew what happened. The inn wasn’t very far from the dock. Joshua ushered her in and showed her upstairs. She walked to the room he pointed to and stepped inside it. There was a bed to the left, a dresser to the back wall and toiletry area to the right. A tub had been placed in the room and a note saying to ring the rope when she needed hot water.

Joshua brushed her arm, “I’ll be in the next room. If you need anything, just knock on the wall. I’ll come right over.”

Then, he left the room. Caroline closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed. It was so soft and the room seemed to be cleaned recently. The tub was the thing she was most thankful for however. She got up from the bed and walked to the bell, tugging on it. A few minutes later, three serving girls came up with hot pales of water on each shoulder. They carefully sat them down and began pouring each one into the tub. One of the serving girls came forth to Caroline.

“My mother says to give this to you. She saw you come in and thought you would like something to make your body smell as sweet as your face.”

“Thank you very kindly. Tell your mother I appreciate it very much.”

She took the proffered soap and smelled the rose scent, smiling as she remembered the first night Joshua had kissed her in the William’s gardens. That seemed like ages ago since she had been in their home. It had been at least two months now since she was in a familiar place. For now, she was just glad to be on land and alive. When the girls left, she lowered herself carefully into the steaming water and sighed as the heat cleansed her soul as well as the water cleansed her body. She took a sponge the girls had left behind and scrubbed her body with the soap. It felt good to scrape away all the dirt from her skin.

When she got out, the water had turned cold, but her body felt refreshed. She stepped out of the water and dried herself off and then slipped into her green dress again. A knock came at her door and she walked to it asking who was there. Joshua answered her and she opened the door to admit him.

“I thought you might like to go downstairs with me and get something hot to eat. I know you must be tired of the fruits and bread that we have on the ship,” he smiled.

She smiled at him and nodded her head. He took her arm and wrapped it around his and led her downstairs to a table. The innkeeper came over and got their order and left for the kitchen. A few minutes later, one of the serving girls came with some glasses of wine for them. Caroline asked them if the innkeeper was their mother. She nodded her head proudly. Caroline made sure to thank her for the soap when she brought their food. Then, they ate in silence. When they finished the mother came and cleared away their dishes, leaving them to their wine.

“Would you like to go back upstairs now? You can finally rest on something that doesn’t move in the night,” Joshua said.

They stood up and walked back up the stairs. Joshua deposited her at her door and then turned to go to his own room. Caroline stopped him.

“Please stay with me,” Caroline whispered.

“I’ll stay with you for a little while until you feel comfortable to be alone,” Joshua said and opened the door for her.

“I meant stay the night with me,” Caroline said softly. “I don’t want to be alone. I’m not asking for sex, just some company. I’m afraid to be alone.”

Joshua gathered her into his arms and held her, “I won’t go anywhere. If you want me to stay I’ll sleep on the floor.”

She went and lay down on the bed, handing a blanket to Joshua. He went to take it from her, but she held onto it. He looked at her quizzically.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. You can sleep with me. We’re both clothed,” she said shyly.

“Are you sure?” he asked her.

She nodded her head and he climbed into the bed behind her with his back to her.

“Joshua,” Caroline said in the dark.

“Yes, darling?” he asked.

She started to whimper, “Hold me.”

He quickly turned over and wrapped his arm around her until she was cradled against him. He felt her quietly sobbing, but didn’t want to stop her. He knew she needed to cry to get it out of her system. He didn’t want her to keep it all bottled up inside. Before long, she was asleep in his arms. Unfortunately he couldn’t get comfortable in any way. Every time she moved she rubbed up against him, driving him mad. It was all he could do to force himself not to be aroused. Finally, she settled though and he was able to breathe slowly once more. He adjusted himself so he could get comfortable and then he was asleep as well.