Nuvasu

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That night my dreams weren't bright and cheery at all as they have been since I started dreaming of the field and forests. That night as I dreamt, I could see no other animals other than Nanuk, and the moon wasn't bright because it was covered with clouds making the field appear gloomy and dark. Nanuk walked slowly towards me, as if afraid of something or afraid of me. The air in my dream felt as if were going to rain an minute, and the wind was blowing a cool, almost cold breeze. Once Nanuk reached me, I could see that he didn't have fear in his eyes, but sorrow. "Why is it so cold, so dark here? Where are all the other animals?" I asked out loud, hoping that the wolf was going to speak as he had done earlier. As I asked him these questions, it dawned on me that I wasn't afraid of him. Though it were only a dream, he was still a wild animal, a wolf. Didn't they prey on small children like myself? I know my grandfather had told many stories about wolf attacks, especially on little children. "This place is what you feel inside," replied Nanuk "You feel sad inside, so it is sad here. Clouds, rain, darkness. They all reside in your heart as well as outside of it. You didn't fall asleep thinking of the beautiful things, so they don't really appear here." While he spoke, he glanced around, looking to the sky and the tree line then back to me. "I am so sorry that you are in a dark place in your heart. That is the last place I wish you to be, unfortunately there are many things in this world that no one can predict or prevent. If I could have stopped him, I would have in a heart beat. Just know tht my sister." He finished saying, then looked down towards the ground. "I hate him!" I shouted, not even realizing it. "He hurt me. He put... He did things to me that hurt, and he liked it. I'm sure of that. Why? Why did he do that? How can I make sure he doesn't do it again? I'm scared of him you know. I wasn't always, but I sure am now." The tears once again from the pain George caused me began to stream down my cheeks as I spoke to Nanuk. "I try to be good, honest I do. He told me that it happened because I was bad, a bad girl, but I'm really not." "Of course your not, don't ever think even for a second that you are or were." Nanuk assured me, "He is a coward, one who preys on fear. Once a man , no, once a monster like that smells fear, they attack, then try to use the fear to control. Nuvasu, I have been with you a long time, and I know that you are not one to cave to fear. I know you are scared now, but you must not let it over take you. Perhaps once you speak to your mother, she will leave that monster behind in the dust as you both begin anew." "How did you know that I was going to tell my mother?" I asked, quite surprised by what he knew about my thoughts. "I am in your heart, I am in your mind. We are connected in a way that I can not explain to you right now, but one day you'll understand." Nanuk answered me and then added, "That is why you’re not afraid of me. Deep down inside you know that we are bonded. I know what’s in your heart, and because I know what is in your heart, I can say that I am very glad that we are together like this. Oh, and please don't listen to all the stories of wolves dragging children to their deaths. Stories are meant to teach lessons, but sometimes the stories end up doing more harm than good." As he spoke, I looked down at him and seen what looked like a smirk appear on his face. "So, you do think that I should tell my mother? Do you think she will leave him? We could go back to my Grandparents house. But, but wait... I don't want them to know. They already look at me as if I didn't belong." I said not even knowing if I were speaking out loud if if I were thinking it to myself. "You must tell someone. Your mother is the only one in the real world you have, for now anyway." Nanuk replied. "What do you mean 'for now'? Who will be there later? I don't understand." I told him, more confussed than ever. "I thought you said no one can predict things." "Oh, I can't predict, I just know some things. Like for example, one day, you will no longer need me to be your light of comfort, though I will still be here." Nanuk said. "huh? What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, I can try to explain. Look up to the sky. Do you see all those stars?" He asked as I looked up. The clouds were gone now, the sky was covered with stars shining so brilliant and bright that I almost wondered how the clouds could block such a light. "Yes, I see them. They are beautiful, and so many." I answered him. "Well, all those stars are connected to each other by a force that is greater than you or me could ever understand. That same force brought us together in the heavens even before you were born. And that same force will bring others into your life. Ones that will show you true happiness one day." Nanuk said with such conviction that I knew that it must be true. "Well, does the force have a name? is it God?" I asked. "Some believe that that is his name, but our people have always known him as The Great Spirit. He is the life force behind the wind, the rain, the sun and the darkness. Not to mention he is one force behind our actions as long as our hearts remain pure." He explained. "Our people? You mean Indian. Is The Great Spirit an Indian God? My grandfather said that Jebus was the only God, and Indians didn't believe in God, that was why we went to church. To find God." I questioned him. "Yes, I am speaking of Indians, Native Americans. We have our faith in The Great Spirit, while others seek belief in Jesus or other Gods." Nanuk answered and tried to explain, "Your grandfather lost his way in the Indian culture, so he looks for happiness in other peoples ways, but he won't find true happiness until he knows who he is and where he came from. What is a mystery is why people feel they must look everywhere else to find the God that is always inside themselves." For some reason, I knew what he said was true, even though I didn't understand it all. "Have I found him? The Great Spirit?" I asked. "You never lost him to need to search him out. He has always been with you, even last night. He gave you the strength to block out most of the pains your heart and body felt." Nanuk said, reminding me of what had happened. "But he wasn't there. You were, and that thing still happened, and it hurt!" I said feeling angry and sorrow all over again. "I was there because of The Great Spirit. I wish I could explain it better, but you must know that time is also a healier, and in time you will not hurt anymore, and you will have understanding in what I have said here, tonight." he assured me again in such a soft manner that most of the sting my heart felt had turned into something else, something good instead of fear and hurt. Neither one of us spoke as we just looked out into the field, watching as the sun in my dream began to welcome the day. My body knew it must have been time to wake up as did Nanuk, because he looked up at me and spoke one last time before I was awake. He said, "Be strong my sister.Be strong."
I woke up that morning with the sun shining through the blankets that covered my windows. My room was still cold, but not as cold as it was last night. I quickly hopped out of my bed, hoping to find my mother already awake and in the kitchen, alone. As I stepped out of bed and onto the hard and cold floor, a small stab of pain reminded me of the horrible thing that took place the night before. I quickly slid on my bedroom slippers and headed towards the bathroom first, then I would look for my mother. By the time I reached the bathroom, I thought my bladder was going to burst. I hadn't realized it, but I really had to go, and as I sat down I thought to myself that perhaps that was why it hurt down below, because I had to go pee so bad. It seemed like I was going forever, but I didn't care. I was just thankful I woke up when I did, other wise I might of had an accident in my bed or something like that. Most of the pain I felt subsided after I relieved myself, that is, until I used the toilet paper to clean myself. I was still sore in my private area, which only made me more determined to tell my mother what took place the night before. After I left the bathroom, I walked down the hallway to the kitchen, and listened, hoping to hear my mother either in the kitchen or one of the other rooms George wasn't in. The house seemed different, as if I was an intruder on strange land. My heart was pounding as I quitely walked from room to room. I liked this house yesterday, it was my home, but now it felt as if I didn't belong which was fine by me. I didn't want to belong here. Not with George anyway. Why was my heart beating so fast? Why was I sneaking from room to room? Why was I afraid? Maybe it was because I never believed in monsters until now. I looked in all the rooms except for their bedroom with no luck of finding my mother. At first I thought of going to the reading room to read something until my mother woke up, but decided not too because they were all Georges books. I wasn't hungry, so that left me with either sitting by the window or going back to my room and playing with my dolls until my mother woke up. I could wake her up, but that would mean waking up George too, and that was something I didn't want to do, so I went back to my room. I stood there for a while looking at all the dolls in there. Gifts from George they were, or were they? Maybe these dolls belonged to Georges daughter and weren't his mothers old collectables. Maybe his mother gave them to his daughter and she didn't except gifts from monsters, so he tried to pass them to me. Well, I certainly didn't want them now. I decided I would get dressed and play with the doll my Nanna had made for me, and though I couldn't see him, I knew Nanuk was with me, so I would play with him too. Just the thought of him playing with me, even if in my imagination cheered me up, and made me feel not so alone, which I never really felt before today.
Nanuk, Hanna and myself were having a nice time playing when I heard the door to my mother’s bedroom open. I quickly ran over to my door and swung it open in hopes of greeting my mother a good morning before I told her about last night. To my disappointment it was not my mother, but George who had come out of the bedroom. He stepped into the hallway, and left the door open behind him as he headed towards the bathroom. As soon as he closed the door behind him, I walked quietly to my mother’s room only to see that she wasn't in bed, or in the room for that matter. I stood there for a second wondering where she could be when I heard George begin to speak from behind me. "Boy, I got one doozy of a headache this morning." He said as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I was so afraid all the sudden, that I couldn't have turned around to face him if I wanted to, which I really didn't. He began talking to me again. "I guess I drank a bit too much last night. I don't remember too much about last night. Do you?" I wasn't sure what to say. How could he not remember what he did? I was about to remind he, so that maybe he would feel bad about what he had done, when it popped into my head that he wasn't asking me anything, but making a statement. I just said no, and turned to head towards the kitchen. I felt his hand slide off my shoulder as I started walking into the hallway to the kitchen. "Your Ma isn't home yet. I guess she ended up staying at work all night. That is who your looking for, isn't it?" George asked me in a tone that all but assured me that he knew I was planning on telling my mother. "I just wanted to wish her a good morning is all." I said, lying through my teeth. "Hmmm. I see." George replied as if not believing me. "So, I don't get one? A good morning that is?" "Yes." I answered, but yet I just stood there, saying nothing. We stood in silence for what felt like forever, until George placed his hand on my shoulder again, but this time with a grip, and guided me towards his and my mother’s bedroom. "Well, I can see either the cat has your tongue, or your fibbing again." he said as he guided me into the room. "I'm not fib…" I started to say but George began to speak over me. "No, no, no. I told you last night that I didn't want you to be bad, and here you go, trying to be just that. I was hoping we could sorta forget about the mess up last night, but I guess not." he added, as his hand started undoing his pants. My heart was pounding, I was petrified with fear as I watch George take out his thingy. I closed my eyes and tried to turn away when he grabbed my face by my cheeks and said, "Now, see this? If you want this to go where my hand was yesterday, you'll open your mouth to your mom. If you don't want that to happen, well, you won't say anything about it. As long as you be quiet, I'll be good, and you'll be good, then we'll all be good. Got it?" "I got it. I don't want you to do that. I'll be good. I promise. I won't say anything." I cried to him still trying to look away. "Good, very good." He said as he let go of my face and began putting his man thing away. I was still so afraid that I wanted to throw up, and probably would have if I had eaten this morning. George opened his door to allow me to leave, but stopped me as I entered the hallway. "Oh, Nuvasu..." He began to say with the most crookest smile I ever seen, "Good Morning!" I just replied good morning back, and went back to my room. While I sat in my room, I kept trying to tell myself that I was strong, like Nanuk had said, but the more I tried to be strong, the more scared I got over the whole situation.
My mother finally got home around ten that morning. Apparently she was snowed in and couldn't drive home. She told George and I about how deep the snow was and that there was a house that burnt to the ground because the firemen couldn't get to the fire because of how awful it was last night. It seemed that every time I was alone with my mother, even for just a minute, George would have some excuse to either interrupt us, or call my mother way to talk about this or that. As we sat and ate our lunch, the time finally presented itself to tell my mother about what took place. She had asked how last night went and George spoke up and told her how I was such a good little girl, and how he finally won a few dollars playing cards even though the game ended early due to the weather. He even added that since I was so good the night before that he was going to get a surprise for me. The whole time he spoke, he kept looking at me, almost waiting for me to tell her my version of the night. I just sat there and ate my lunch and nodded here and there, and through in a few shrugs for good measure. My mother looked at me and asked why I was so quiet, that normally I never shut up. I wanted to stand up and scream, "Do you know what he did? He hurt me! He did two disgusting things to me so far! I want to go home!" but I didn't, I just sat there with George's eyes staring at me and lied to her and said that nothing was wrong. I felt even worse now that I had my chance to tell her, and instead I caved into fear. After lunch, George and my mother decided to take a quick walk and left me there alone. I sat in my room, and was about to start crying again, but a voice in my head, Nanuk's voice said, "Don't do that. Don't cry. George won't always be around, and then you can tell your mother the truth. It was very brave of you not to say anything in front of him. The monster would have just called you a liar anyway." I thought about it for awhile and knew that that was true. He would somehow turn it onto me, making me look like I was a bad child. A liar. I could wait until a better chance comes across, I thought to myself. Then an idea struck me like a bolt of lighting! We are supposed to go visit my grandparents soon, within a day or two. I could tell her then, after all, George hates going there I over heard him telling my mother. I could wait till then and try to avoid George as much as possible until I got to tell her.
I must have started to doze off as George and my mother came in because I didn't even hear them until they were in the hallway by my door. "Oh Nuvasu, can we come in?" George called to me. "Yes" I answered and he and my mother walked into my room carrying a box. Not a large box, but not small either. "I think George has something for you, Honey." My mother said with a big smile. As I looked at first George, then the box and then back to George, I was about to say no thanks, I didn't want it, when I heard the box make a noise. There was something in the box that really wanted out. What ever it was, it made a 'Ow' sound. I couldn't tell what the sound was exactly because, it was muffled by the cardboard box that was now it's prison. "What is?" I asked my mother and making sure I directed it towards her. "Well, I don't really know. Why not ask George? He is the one carrying it." My mother said, still smiling. I really did love to see her smile. She seemed so beautiful when she smiled, even now when you could see she hadn't slept much. "Well?" said George, "You want it?" I wasn't sure if I did until I heard it make another noise. A meow. It meowed! I quickly sprung from my bed and ran the three feet to where they were standing. "It's a cat, isn't it? Oh, yes, yes I want it!" I was saying while hopping up and down with excitement. "Well, he's not a cat just yet." answered George as he handed me the box which I quickly, but gently took and placed on my bed. No sooner did I open the first flap, when this tiny meowing orange head popped out. Oh, he was so tiny, so adorable that I fell in love the second I seen him. I opened the box the rest of the way even though he was three quaters of the way out by then. At first he sniffed around and then he came right over to me, which I was half on the bed and half off, and meowed in my face, but not a mean one, but one where he was like saying Hi or something. He stood there looking at my face and into my eyes for a second or two, and then he started rubbing his face off of mine. "Now, he's your kitten, you gotta take care of him." George said from behind me. I picked up the kitten and cradled him in my arms as I turn to face them. "I will. I promise! Look at him. He is so cute. He looks like a baby tiger. I'm going to call him Tiger! Is that o.k?" I said and then asked my mother. "Tiger? Well, he's yours. You can name him what ever you want." My mother answered as she rubbed Tigers head. "First thing is first," added George, "Is he going to be an indoor cat or an outdoor cat? Cause if he is an indoor cat, you gotta make sure he uses a litter box or something so he won't be crapping all over the place." "O.k. I'll teach him to use the litter box. I promise. I don't want him to go out side. He's small and the other cats will hurt him." I assured George as I cradled Tiger and listened to his purrs of contentment. With that, George and my mother left my bedroom so that I could play with my kitten.
I put Tiger on my bed and watched him play with a piece of twine that I found on the floor. He was so funny to watch because he wasn't very coordinated which meant just about every time he went for the twine, he fell over in a comical way. Why was George being so nice I wondered. Perhaps he bought me this kitten because he was sorry for what he did, or maybe he bought me the kitten to keep me quiet. Either way, I loved Tiger, but I knew I still had to tell me mother when it was a good time. While I sat there contemplating when this could happen, Tiger jumped down from the bed and ran into the hallway. I followed him as he went from room to room, learning his new home. He quickly found the litter box that was placed in the bathroom, but didn't use it just then, Instead he trotted towards the kitchen where George and my mother were talking. Apparently my mother had the next few days off from work and was suggesting that she used her time off to go visit my grandparents. To me, that was the greatest news I have heard in a long time. I missed my Uncle Jacy and my Aunt Bena alot. I guess when it came down to it, I missed them all, even Matwau and Abir who just loved to be mean to me. It's funny how you can miss things you disliked your whole life. I didn't miss the cruel and rude things that Matwau and Abir used to do to me, but I did miss the way they would play jokes on others. Not the mean ones, but the funny ones like when Matwau unscrewed all the light bulbs in the house just enough so that when you would turn on the lights, they would flicker on and off as if there were something wrong with the wiring or something like that. After my Grandfather finally figured it out, we all had a good laugh, well, except Matwau that is. My Poppy was a Jack or all trades, but a master of none as my grandmother like to put it, so when a joke like that came into play you could bet that he would be laughing afterwards while you or who ever played the prank was knee deep in extra chores. My mother was still talking to George about going when I noticed that Tiger may have found the litter box, but he needed to learn to use it because he peed on the floor in the hallway. I quickly went into the bathroom with kitten in hand and placed him in the litter box and then grabbed some toilet tissue to clean up the puddle he had made. Just as I turned to go into the hallway, I could hear George cursing about the cat pee on the floor. He looked down the hall and seen that I was already getting something to clean it up. "I see the cat got the floor already?" he said as I knelt down to wipe it up. "But I'm glad to see you already know and are cleaning. Good girl. Where is the cat now?" he asked. "I put him in his box. I sure it's just because he's excited." I told him as I cleaned the spot the best I could. "Very good. That was a smart thing to put him in there." George added as he returned to the kitchen. Once I was done with the mess in the hall, I went back to the bathroom to flush the toilet tissue and wash my hands. I looked over at Tiger who was scratching in his box, as if looking for something, then I realized that he went to the bathroom again, only this time it wasn't pee, and he went in his box. I was so happy, I ran down the hall to the kitchen to tell my mother about what a smart kitten he was when I overheard George saying that the trip to my grandparents house was off because of the snow. I could hear my mother telling him that the roads weren't that bad now, and by tomorrow they should more than fine to drive on, but George wouldn't even consider it. My mother became upset, but yet she did try to see his point, and then finally gave in under one condition, that we would make it there for Thanksgiving. All George said was to talk to the man upstairs and ask him for no more snow until after Thanksgiving then. After hearing that, my heart sank deep inside myself. That meant two more weeks until I got to see Jacy and Bena. I wanted to cry, but what purpose would it serve? It wouldn't get me there any quicker and it wouldn't make me feel any better, so instead of crying, I took Tiger to my room to introduce him to Hanna and Nanuk.