The Captain's Log

May 1992

May 23, 1992

Dear Diary:

Today I have decided to start a diary because my life has gone to hell [Edit] I have decided this because my commendations/deficiencies have come and all the ground I had made with my father is lost [Edit] I have also made the decision to report him to the police and school if he lays one f*****g finger on me. He's done it before. Once he got really angry and he threw a knife and it almost hit me. Another time, he saw my room was a mess and he trashed it. Today the hydraulic wrench wouldn't work and he threw it as hard as he could at the concrete of our driveway and it landed about 2 foot away from me. Then he threw the regular wrench inside the garage and broke something that was glass. I am probably going to be grounded because he thinks I am failing this year, but I worked it out:

1: I need a 0.75 average to pass for the year.
2: As it stands, I have a 1.90 average.
3: That means I could fail the 4th marking period completely and still be promoted.
4: My parents don't understand this.

[Edit]

I have a lot of beliefs. And some of them are complicated. My beliefs are really strange. I have a belief about almost everything and at various entrances I shall tell you about them.

I believe that there is no such thing as a possible future. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen and nothing we do can change it. That includes choices. People say, "One thing will happen if I make one decision, and another if I make another." Bull s**t! It doesnt matter which choice you make, that's the one you are meant to make.

Branching off of that, I dont believe it is possible to leave the future and change the past. The past has already happened. If you go back and change it, then the lives and memories of every person everywhere would be two-fold (which can't happen because there is only one future). Also, say you were to go back and change history by making people recycle sooner or quit cutting trees, or plant more trees, then the problem is solved and there is no reason to go back in the future to ensure people do these things. But if you don't go back, they won't do these things and you're back where you started. That creates a paradox.

I might as well tell you about myself. All the times before this that I have tried to keep a diary I never stuck with it. I am going to try really hard this time. I am 14, my birthday is October 9th, and I am a girl.


May 24, 1992

Dear Diary:

[Edit]

Today [Name] came over and we hauled dirt. I got two blisters. He's coming back tomorrow at 10.


May 27, 1992

Dear Diary:

So much has happened, I haven't had time to write you. Last Monday (today's Wednesday), [Name] and I went to Great Adventure. I went on the Parachuter's Perch at last. I've always wanted to go on that but I never had the guts (or the permission). I'm going to go on the Scream Machine next time. [Name] was added to our season pass family pass.

On Tuesday, nothing much happened. We started watching "The Secret Annex: The Diary of Anne Frank." BOOORRRIIINNNG! [Edit]

I'm reading a new book: The Dragon Prince pt 1. [by Melanie Rawn] Great book.


May 29, 1992

Dear Diary:

Nothing happened yesterday. [Name] was in this weird '50's to '90's music thing. I only got to see part of it.

[Edit]


May 31, 1992

Dear Diary:

I have decided to call you by a new name: Maui. I am naming you after my cat, Missy Mousey. Yesterday we went to IGA Nursery and bought 10 very large pine trees. While they were being loaded onto the trailer, one of the men threw a nest away. When we got home, we found a bird in one of the trees. We went back and got the nest. When we got home, we found a second, younger bird in another tree.

(Later) [Name] and I got into an arguement only one month from our one year anniversary. I'm glad. I originally didn't want to go out with him, and only said "yes" to him because I wasn't going out with anyone else. Something just occurred to me. What about the [junior] Prom? I know no one else will ask me, and [Name] and I are almost certainly breaking up. My life is hell. I wish I had the guts to ask [Name] but I don't. Too bad!

Life is a door
Nobody knows what's behind it
Is it a place where people store
records and histories?

I don't think so
I think it is a blank page
Waiting for people to have a go
And write on it

We write our own lives
We determine our future
Behind our door is not hives
Behind our door is a page

Behind our door is a blank page
And it waits
For us to age
And write our own lives.

[I'm gonna quote Emerson here and say, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of a little mind."]


** to be continued in the next chapter**