Memories Of Us

Memories of Us

I'm five years old, in Septemer I'll be six. Toot, that's my grandma says that for my birthday we can do anything I want to do. I told her I wanted cube steak for supper and I want her to teach me more about how to play Gin Rummy. She says that sounds like a good day. I think it does too. Today we spent a long time in the yard cleaning up rotten apples from the "damned" apple trees. That's what Toot calls them, the damned apple trees. I know damn is a bad word and I'll get in trouble if I say it, but every time Toot says it I giggle...so she keeps saying it over and over. Toot says it's a lot of work to do by herself and that I'm a good helper. I like it when she says I'm good at things and I like to be a good helper.

When we're finished in the yard Toot boils hot water on the stove for our baths. I don't know why, but she doesn't have hot water in the sink and in the tub like mom and Aunt Mardo. I asked her one time how come, and she said it was because the men that came to put in the hot water wouldn't take off their shoes so she told them to go away. I know that's one of the rules at Toot's house. When you come in from outside you have to take off your shoes, or God knows what you'll drag in...that's what Toot says. Sometimes I look at the bottom of my shoes and I don't see anything, but if Toot says there's stuff, then there must be. Maybe it's invisible stuff that only she can see...like germs or cooties. when I went to preschool last year that one time, a boy in the class told me I had cooties. I cried and didn't go back anymore. I didn't see any cooties, but maybe they got on me from my shoes, so I don't mind to take them off.


We add hot water and cold water both to the sink so it's not too hot and then we strip down to out skivvies...that's what Toot calls our underwear, and that makes me giggle too. Then Toot washes me and her both. I say I'm big enough and that I can do it myself, but she says I will miss places and I believe her, so I let her do all the work while we chat. One time when we were having our baths we were singing that song from the commercial for the stuff that takes your hair away. I put my arm around Toot's waist and we kick our legs, our left and then our right while we sang the song. Toot sang the first line, "who wears short shorts?" and then I sang the next line, "we wear short shorts." Toot says the dance is called the Can-Can. I think that's a funny name and I'm already laughing, so I just laugh some more.

For dinner Toot makes Banquet fried chicken. A drum stick for me and a breast for her. We also have green beans and sliced pears. Toot buys Banquet fried chicken for me because I'm such a good eater when she makes it and because I like it. I'm not crazy about the green beans, but Toot says that if I eat them all I will be big and strong when I grow up. I don't know if I believe her and I don't say that, but my face must show it because then she says that if I eat all of them she has a special treat for desert. Toot always has good deserts and I like special treats so maybe green beans aren't so bad after all and I go ahead and eat them.

When we're done with dinner and we put all of our mess away Toot sits at the table and has a cigarette while I work on cutting out my new paper doll clothes. You have to be really careful because one time I cut all of the tabs off on accident and then none of the clothes would stay on the dolls. I felt stupid for doing that and cried, but Toot said maybe the dolls like to be naked, and besides, if we were really careful we could still play with them and just tape the clothes to them. Toot always made everything bad seem like it wasn't really so bad.

I'm wearing my red flannel night gown, the one that mom bought too big so that it would fit longer. I like red, the thing that's bad about the nightgown is that it's too long and I keep tripping over the ruffle at the bottom. Toot says my mom is "God damn ridiculous" and cuts the ruffle clean off the bottom. I know God damn is a really bad word, and I know from the way Toot says it that she's mad, so this time I don't giggle. But then she looks at me and makes a silly face and we both giggle, so everything is OK again.

Toot like her stories - that's what she calls the shows we watch on TV. We watch Sonny and Cher, Carol Burnett and Roller Derby. Toot says Roller Derby isn't real, they're just pretending to beat each other up. When she explains it like that, then I think it's funny to watch those women knock each other down. We also watch Kojak. Kojak is my favorite because he says, "who loves ya baby?" and then every time, Toot turns to me, smiles and says, who loves ya baby to me. Every single time I say, you do, and she gives me a big squeeze.

When I stay with Toot we sleep together in the little bedroom off of the living room. I can see it from the couch and when I start to get sleepy Toot says maye I should go climb in bed. It's not that I'm afraid, but I don't want to anyway. I want to stay with her until the news is over because that's when she come to bed too. Toot just smiles and pats her lap. It's the perfect size for my head. She says that's what it was made for and that makes me smile.

Toot's robe is soft against the side of my face and I can feel her belly behind my head. My head goes up and down a little every time she takes a breath. I feel like my head is on a boat on the ocean. Even though I've never been on a boat or on the ocean, that's what I think of anyway, a boat bobbing up and down. If I take Toot's hand and put it on the side of my face she will pet my head for a really long time. Well, I think it's a really long time, but I'm not sure because almost as soon as she starts to rub my head I start to feel that floating feeling you get when you get sleepy and can't hardly keep your eyes open. I try to fight it, try really, really hard not to fall asleep. I don't blink. I think if I can make my eyes stay open then I won't be sleepy anymore. It works for a little while, but my eyes are so heavy and the ocean is so pretty and that's the last thing I remember.

The next morning I wake up with my face in the crook of Toots arm and our smells are all mixed together and I can't wait for her to wake up so we can start all over again. But, then I remember that today is the day I have to back to Aunt Mardo's. I don't want to leave Toot's so I curl up against her side and hope that if we're sleeping when they come to get me, they'll just leave me here forever.