Swingerella

Scene 3

Scene 3
The lights go up on NATALIE, standing SL in a glittering green dress, fixing her hair in the phantom mirror.

NATALIE
Are you almost ready darling???

DANIELLE
(offstage, struggling)
Just give me… a few more minutes!

NATALIE
Are you having a hard time getting into my dress?

DANIELLE
No! It fits….(grunt) Perfectly!

NATALIE
Well let's see it then! We have to meet them in ten minutes!

DANIELLE
I'm coming!

She walks out, wearing a dress that is too tight in the bust, as well as a few other areas. NATALIE looks up and gasps.

NATALIE
You look gorgeous!

NATALIE skips over to her sister, turning her around at the shoulders to get a 360 degree view. The dress is caught in DANIELLE'S underwear, and when NATALIE sees this, she bites her lip uneasily.

DANIELLE
What do you think?

NATALIE
It fits you perfectly darling! There's just.. one little…

She tugs the dress sharply out, and DANIELLE shrieks, mortified.

NATALIE
There! All better! Honestly dear, you look stunning. Now let's go!!

The two of them cross from SL to SR. As they reach C, smoky orange and green light fills the stage, and the bar and tables appear C. NATALIE struts up to the entourage, coolly standing SR, while DANIELLE follows close behind.

NATALIE
Hellooooo, my loves!

GIRLS
Natalie!

ALLIE
You look so adorable!

LINDSEY
Where did you get that dress?

NATALIE
(beaming)
Just had it lying around. Doesn't my sister look gorrrrrrrgeous too?

LAUREN
(stumbling)
Yeah… You look so….

ALLIE
Provocative!

LINDSEY elbows ALLIE in the chest. ALLIE grunts.

LINDSEY
In the most flattering way possible!

DANIELLE smiles uneasily and yanks at the dress.

DANIELLE
Thanks.

ALLIE
Have you seen your boy yet?

DANIELLE
No…

NATALIE
But we just got here, darling! The night is still young!

DANIELLE
(smiling shyly)
Yeah…

LAUREN
Come on, you guys! The owners of this place are about to do their signature spotlight dance!

The lights dim slightly at that cue, and a single spotlight illuminates the COUPLE, clad in the same outfit they had worn during Rose's explanation of them. Frank Sinatra's "It Had to Be You" softly pipes from the speakers while they slow dance.

ALLIE
So cute… I want to be just like that when I'm old.

LINDSEY
(swoons)
Me too! They're so adorable!

LAUREN
Did they meet here? That would be SO romantic!

NATALIE
I don't know… That sounds a little too old-school sappy movie to be true.

LAUREN
Oh, you're so jaded, Nat! Don't you want Prince Charming to come sweep you off your feet?

NATALIE
(bitterly)
Prince Charming is a lie, darling. You can meet someone, lose your freaking mind about how perfect you think they are for you, and prattle mindlessly about how they’re “the one,” but before too long they’ll pull the rug out from under you and run away before you even know what’s happening. And then there are the romantic comedies! I swear to God, if I see one more shitty movie about two COMPLETELY incompatible beautiful people getting together at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, I’m going to vomit!!!!!

A scared silence as ALLIE, LINDSEY, and LAUREN all stare at her.

LINDSEY
Who are you and what have you done with Natalie?!?!!?

NATALIE
(shrugs)
I’ve been this way for a while. It’s not that I don’t have wishes and desires! I’ve just learned not to have them revolve around a boy.

ALLIE
(horrified)
Well what do you WANT then?

NATALIE
(pauses)
A little bit of happiness, and to grow old gracefully. That's about it.

LINDSEY
But how can you be happy without a boy?!?!?!?!

NATALIE scoffs.

NATALIE
Do you actually listen to yourself talk? Girls, this might be a startling revelation, but believe it or not we don’t need men to be happy! If you need to have a male affirmation of how wonderful you are to be happy, you’re unbelievably desperate!

LINDSEY
(bewildered)
Wow…. That’s so deep!

LAUREN
And not materialistic at all!

NATALIE
(grins)
Now, girls, don’t take this the wrong way! I'd probably marry a guy if he could afford a Vera Wang gown.

ALLIE
(rolls eyes)
Nope. Not materialistic at all.

LAUREN
Even if he was terrible in bed?

LINDSEY
Ewwww!

NATALIE
Girls! Shut up and watch! You're ruining the moment!

While they watch the couple dance, a soft light gently makes DANIELLE and GREG stand out as he appears on the opposite side of the stage. Their eyes meet, he waves slightly, and she gives an awkward half-wave in return.

NATALIE
(curious)
Who do you see, sissy?

The light instantly turns off on GREG. DANIELLE coughs nervously.

DANIELLE
Uh.. no one. I was just fixing my dress.

NATALIE smirks.

NATALIE
Sure you didn't see a lovely mystery man?

DANIELLE grins sheepishly.

DANIELLE
Positive.

ROSE appears in GREG'S place and waves at DANIELLE. She waves back excitedly and skips over.

ROSE
Hey there, Danielle!

DANIELLE
Hey!

ROSE
Wow, nice dress! You look like you're having a good time tonight.

DANIELLE
Yeah, it's been okay. Did you see your favorite couple dancing just now?

ROSE
What?! No, I just got here! (groans) I KNEW I should have left earlier!

DANIELLE
No worries. They were as cute as ever. You would have loved it.

ROSE
I bet. Have you been dancing with your sexy mystery man?

DANIELLE
Wh..What?

ROSE
Nat told me about it. I think it's really cute! If I see him I'll be sure to put in a good word for ya.

DANIELLE
Thanks…

ROSE
My pleasure, darling, my pleasure. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a gorgeous boy over there who is just begging me with his eyes to dance with him. I'll be seeing ya.

She walks away.

DANIELLE
(softly)
Be seeing ya…

GREG appears out of the crowd and taps DANIELLE on the shoulder. She turns around and jumps.

DANIELLE
I didn't see you there.

GREG
Just got here.

DANIELLE
(nods)
Cool.

GREG
Is that a new dress? It looks pretty remarkable.

DANIELLE
In a good way?

GREG
Not really. More like a way that doesn't make you look like yourself.

She scoffs. He shrugs.

GREG
Well hey, aren’t you glad I was honest?

DANIELLE
(defensively)
Well, you must not really know me.

GREG
Where did you get it?

DANIELLE
(hesitant)
Natalie.

GREG
Ah, that makes sense.

DANIELLE
What?

GREG
Why would you want to be so much like them?

DANIELLE
Well… they're perfect, I guess.

GREG
How?

DANIELLE
I don't know. They're funny, and charming, and-

GREG
Not.

DANIELLE
What?

GREG
They're not funny, or charming. They're obnoxious, fake, and exclusive. The only possible reason they could be appealing is that they don't let anyone else in. So, naturally, everyone wants to be.

DANIELLE
You don't know what you're saying. This is my sister you're talking about!

GREG
If she wasn't related to you, you'd be in the same boat as the rest of us.

DANIELLE
You're a bastard!

GREG
Am I? Or are you just too naïve to figure out that what I'm saying is right?

DANIELLE
I'm NOT naïve.

GREG
Sure you are.

DANIELLE
And how the hell do you know!

GREG
Becau-

DANIELLE
No, don't even start. You don't know who I am! You met me a week ago! You have NO idea what I've been through or how I've been hurt.

GREG
(rolls eyes)
And I have a feeling you're about to tell me!

DANIELLE
(turns her back to him)
Go to hell!

GREG
You don't mean that.

DANIELLE
Ohhhhh yes, right now I certainly do!

GREG
I'm just saying that you're naïve because you're so insecure. If you weren't, you'd be perfectly content just being you, and would tell the rest of the world to go screw themselves.

DANIELLE
I am conte-

GREG
(becoming aggravated)
Oh, don't even tell me that. You try so hard to cling to the inane idea of trying to be as perfect as Natalie (who, by the way, is nowhere near it) that you never realize that NO ONE, including you, will EVER attain it!

DANIELLE
And I bet you've never had ANY problems like that!

GREG
(softening)
No.. I'm naïve and insecure too. (beat) I'm just more aware of who I am, which is more than I can say for you!

NATALIE
(a good distance away)
DAAAAAAAAANNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

GREG cringes.

GREG
How can you even stand to listen to that?!?!

DANIELLE
And how can you stand to talk like that to me about my sister!!!! (throws hands up) Why do you hate me so much?!

GREG moves slightly closer to her.

GREG
(softly)
I don't.

He walks away.

NATALIE
Danny, darling, we're over here!

DANIELLE perks up and runs forward.

DANIELLE
I'm coming guys! I- Wooooop!

She loses her balance, slips, and goes careening off of her feet, taking a hard landing on her rear end in front of everyone, all of whom except NATALIE burst into squealing laughter. Mortified, DANIELLE scrambles to her feet and brushes her dress off. NATALIE rushes over to her.

NATALIE
Sweetheart, are you alright?

DANIELLE
(obviously not)
Ye..Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine.

NATALIE
(smiles)
Well, I happen to see a very handsome young man in a black fedora coming this way.

DANIELLE turns to see MYSTERY DANCER saunter over, fresh from a dance with FLAPPER GIRL. He bows low, holding out a hand. DANIELLE looks timidly back at her sister, who shoves her toward him before quickly vanishing.

DANIELLE takes MYSTERY DANCER'S hand, and again the two of them whirl around as if they were born to dance together. Janis Siegel's version of "Bei Mir Bist du Schon" fills the air, and slowly they stop.

MYSTERY DANCER
It's our song.

They continue dancing until the slow part, when MYSTERY DANCER presses DANIELLE closely to him. They sashay gracefully, and he dips her beautifully. When he lifts her back up, at the end of the slow section, they stare silently into each other's eyes.

MYSTERY DANCER
…You're beautiful.

She smiles, visibly shaking with nerves. At the best moment that he might kiss her, FLAPPER GIRL struts forward and yanks him away. They dance for the fast ending of the song, and vanish into the crowd afterwards. DANIELLE stands dumbfounded.

DANIELLE
…Damn.

TRACEY, drink in hand, enters and walks over to DANIELLE, arms outstretched, drunk out of her mind.

TRACEY
NATALIEEEEEE!

She wraps her in a bear hug, dumping beer all over DANIELLE'S dress.

DANIELLE
Hey!

TRACEY
(tilts her head)
You're not Nat…(noticing the beer stain) Awwwww honey, you oughta get that cleaned up! Not very ladylike! …Do you know where Natalie is?

DANIELLE points to where her sister is standing and TRACEY slumps over to her. DANIELLE wanders away, sadly regarding her stained clothes.

DANIELLE
God… damn!

She runs into the back of someone and jumps again.

DANIELLE
(flustered)
I… I'm sorry! I- I-

She realizes, as he turns around, that it is the MYSTERY DANCER, and gasps.

DANIELLE
You…! But…

Wordlessly, he offers his hand again. She grins, lifts an eyebrow, and takes it. The spell resumes; they move incredibly well together on the floor, until DANIELLE suddenly bumps into someone's back while in mid rock-step.
She jumps, startled, and whirls around to apologize. When she turns back around, the MYSTERY DANCER is dancing with FLAPPER GIRL.

DANIELLE
(bewildered)
..What?

She watches, dumbfounded for a beat, before strutting over and shoving FLAPPER GIRL out of the way. Oblivious, MYSTERY DANCER dances with DANIELLE for a few moments, before FLAPPER shoves DANIELLE out of the way. This happens once or twice more, until FLAPPER and DANIELLE walk circles around each other, both glaring viciously. Finally FLAPPER snatches MYSTERY DANCER away, and the two of them spin around the floor and until they are offstage.

Fuming, DANIELLE turns slowly around, scouring the club for him to no avail. She throws her hands up in the air and walks to the bar in C, unwittingly taking the seat next to GREG.

GREG
(impressed)
I didn't know you could dance like that.

DANIELLE jumps. GREG laughs.

DANIELLE
Me neither.

He holds his hand out.

GREG
How about it?

Shocked, she looks at his hand, then into his eyes. Just before she says "Yes," NATALIE'S voice pierces the air.

NATALIE
DAAAAAAAANNY DARLING! WE'RE LEAVING!

Desperately, DANIELLE gazes up at GREG.

DANIELLE
…I can't…

She leaps up and runs away. As she is making her way downstage, she looks over her shoulder at him, and the entire stage grows dark, except for a single spotlight on her.

DANIELLE
(to audience)
What is WRONG with me?!
Why is it so hard to stop following people?
Why is it so hard to figure out what I want?
Why can't I fit in, ANYWHERE, no matter what?

Again NATALIE appears SL, putting her hair down, mimicking removing her makeup, taking off earrings, etc. DANIELLE walks over to her.

NATALIE
Well, that was another good night! Good job with your little mystery man, darling, I-

DANIELLE
Why don’t you like Greg?

NATALIE freezes.

NATALIE
My dear, haven’t we been over this?

DANIELLE
His not being afraid to be himself doesn't count.

NATALIE sighs in frustration.

NATALIE
It’s not important.

DANIELLE
No, Natalie, it’s VERY important, because it seems like every time I talk to him, you come out of the woodwork to try and get me away from him!

NATALIE
Okay, fine. You want to know why I don’t like Greg? You really want to know?

DANIELLE
Yes! Why do you have to make this so dramatic?!

NATALIE sighs again.

NATALIE
I dated his brother.

DANIELLE
(pauses, then shouts)
WHAT?! When?? How??

NATALIE
It was last year.. I didn’t tell Mom or Dad, or really anyone except the people that went dancing with us. He used to come out with us, and was JUST LIKE Greg too. Different. But wonderful. I thought I was completely in love with him, and you know what he did? He broke my goddamn heart! Yeah.. because of him, I found out that that pretty, perfect, Hallmark card shit doesn’t really exist! (holding back tears) I don’t want that to happen to you, Danny…

DANIELLE laughs.

DANIELLE
It already has…

DANIELLE hugs her tightly.

DANIELLE
But that doesn't mean you can't put yourself back out there! You fall down, you get hurt, and you get back up. It sucks, and it's scary as hell, but you have to do it. And even if I might not be falling for anyone any time soon, that doesn’t mean I can’t at least talk to someone like him!

NATALIE
(glumly)
Yeah. I know. I’m just paranoid.

DANIELLE
Natalie. (shakes head) You’re fabulous.

NATALIE looks up at her sister and smiles. DANIELLE wraps her arms around her and they rock back and forth for a long moment.

NATALIE
You’re great.

DANIELLE
I learned from the best, darling!

In her usual fashion, NATALIE quickly snaps out of being sentimental and walks out of her sister’s arms.

NATALIE
But one more thing! What’s up with the whole Nathan thing?


DANIELLE sighs and puts her face in her hands.

NATALIE
Oh darling, it’s been such an overly sappy night, you don’t even have to talk about it! Now, I’m going to bed. Night night! (kisses her cheek and exits)

DANIELLE
(to audience)
And there she goes again
The Queen of avoiding moments that involve any feeling.
(smile)But hey, you gotta love her still.
And then there’s me.
(pause.)
..Am I a bad person for not missing him?
A shock of white hair that told me he loved me and lied.
Now I can barely recognize myself.
(beat. She looks down at herself)
This dress is RIDICULOUS!

(she pulls it off and throws it to the ground, standing in a slip and bra.)

It's not me.
It's her.
I'll never be like that
Why did I even try to convince myself?
(she shakes her head.)
I don't belong there….

I belong in something comfortable.
Classic
Beautiful…

(A mannequin is rolled onstage, dressed in a bright, eye-catching, but simple halter dress. DANIELLE regards it in amazement.)

Like that!

(She grins and excitedly pulls the dress off the mannequin, slipping it over her head. It fits her perfectly. She looks up, eyes bright, and exclaims as if she were a dramatic movie announcer.)

How To Get What You Want by Danielle Murphy. Chapter Three.