Straight No Chaser

Hard Decisions

ashton chesney married kaylen greer. aidan chesney married lorelei cox. trevor cox married ariele chesney. matthew cox married morgan o'bailey. eja slaughter married kailani sera. kyle slaughter married annabelle chesney. kiran kennedy married alana chesney. devin hollis married nicole kennedy. preston greer married leiko sera. keanu sera married simone slaughter. mele sera married angelique chesney. trevor and ariele have a toddler, saylor; they, as well as lorelei, morgan and angelique, are pregnant again.

(note: there are too many chesneys, hence there's going to be inevitable cousin-cousin inbreeding, come the next generation.)

alan and annica, justin and chloe, michael and naima, landon and sivan, jonathan and riordan, emilio and violet are, slowly but surely, getting old. annica retired first, and now spends her days painting, cooking delicious meals and busting one yoga move after another.

the thing is, we've got six aging couples, eleven young couples just getting their start. the oldies live in these giant, red-bricked, custom-made estates, perfectly furnished and color-coded--the one where the chesneys grew up is done all in greens and blues, and there are six identical, tiny cubbyhole bedrooms upstairs for each of the six children who grew up there. it and the others are gorgeous houses, and would make the whole process of getting started a thousand times easier for any of the young couples.

retirees make great maids, nannies and personal chefs. they've got lifetimes' worth of skill-building behind them, moderate energy and literally nothing to do all day, otherwise. ideally, moving a young couple back home with one set of in-laws would be the surest way of giving that couple an amazing head start. but who? which? the chesneys have six kids; how in hell do you fairly bequeath one prime piece of real estate to a single one of your six kids?

firstborns, would be the obvious answer. chesney home goes to ashton and wife, cox home to trevor and family, slaughter home to eja and wife, et cetera, et cetera. but ashton and kaylen are career-driven, have decided not to have kids, which makes the seven-bedroom estate pretty much a waste, and means i'd have to spend the rest of their lives chasing each person endlessly from room to vast room. plus, how depressing, to wind up widowed in a house that size, and have to live there, alone, every creak of the knees echoing through the giant hallways.

i don't know. waiting on a brilliant flash of inspiration. i guess i'll know when i know, like if there's a fire and mele's house burns down right before angelique loses her job and goes into labor, or something. then we'll know. youngest moves in, older ones fend for themselves.

this moment brought to you by nerds who really don't have the free time to waste on such pursuits.