Mental Meanderings

The Art of Facing Reality

Ever wake up, see what the world is like today then want to go back to sleep instead? I know I've faced a lot of days like that. I let my highs take me too high, do things that are completely out of my normal comfort zone, become the sort of person I'd be with none of the inhibitions of experience and decorum, and then within days I'm thrust into the reality. Facing reality is harsh, it brings on hermit and defensive mode and I realise that I don't much like the person I am. If I don't like me then I have no right to subject myself on others.

This world is filled with humans from all walks of life. As a writer it's interesting to observe human nature. I'm an observer, standing outside the window looking in at the world and wishing I could take part. But I can't, because I'm on the outside of this window and reality is on the inside. When I'm high I feel like I'm on the inside but then when I come out of that high I realise I'm not inside, I'm still outside, being the clown and drawing the attention of the diners but not really a part of them.

Being online is like being able to stand behind the glass and not see or feel it there. Somewhere deep inside you know it's there, you know your not actually with these other people, you know it's just a fantasy where you share your minds but are still, distant, untouched. It's easy to forget that reality surfaces, the glass slams into place when you get too close to it.

I've had a lot of online friends. When I'm in my highs or even standing on a shaky edge of balance I can be a pretty nice person. I face the world, online and off, with rose colored glasses believing that ultimately it is good, and kind. But every person brings their own damages into reality. We each have our own quirks, and slants, and ideas. The variety makes for spice in life, as the quote goes, but it also seperates what goes on in the mind, what we want, and what is really there.

Facing reality drives home the differences in the way we think and the way we feel. We can stand shoulder to shoulder facing the same situation and generally our reactions would be poles apart. There are a lot of great people in the world, most of them are wonderful in parts. I've come to discover all of us aren't in other parts too.

When I wake up on a morning, see the world for what it is, and wish I could go back to sleep instead, I know I'm not going to be a very nice person that day. That's the day when my normal optimism is gone, when I can't find my rose-colored glasses, when I can feel the glass under my fingers that separates me from the rest of the world.

*goes to listen to Simon & Garfunkel "I am a Rock"*