NOW THAT'S NOT FUNNY

Holiday STRESS...

Holiday cooking, cleaning, and decorating... I was born into these traditional holiday activities - it was always just an accepted and expected part of the Thanksgiving/Christmas Holidays.

But a whole lot has changed since I was born... and not all of the changes are for the better either.

Take cooking... I'm shocked at how many families (regardless of how they're made up) don't actually cook ... they "buy and serve"...

I consider myself fortunate... yep... I got people that come over just for a taste of something "we" cook... got people (yes, I said people - their not friends actually as I only see them when they know "we" are cooking something they want - THAT'S NOT A FRIEND)... there are a few people who come by just for a little turkey and ham... there are the ones who stop by for a taste of stuffing and my cranberry creations... but my favorite people are the ones who come by for my Ambrosia Salad and Pies... coffee included.

This year we were suppose to be in Kansas... my car broke. We couldn't go to Kansas. I was very, very sad.

But the people still came... people I haven't seen since this time last year... hmmmmm

My daughter was horrified when I wanted to put a coffee can out and clearly label it - $$$ DONATIONS.

"Mama that's just tacky." my daughter said. "I know...but it's what I feel like doing."

"Well, you just can't..." my daughter's voice trailed off and she again busied herself with one of the ten pies we were baking. Pies are cooked the day before, the stuffing is prepared and put in the fridge, turkey defrosted (didn't have time to brine it this year).

"This is the last year I think we should do the Greenbean casserole thing."

"What are we going to cook in it's place?" my daughter asked.

"Picadilly Carrot Souffle" I replied.

"I don't know how to make that." Rae Lynn said sharply.

"I got the recipe; it's no big deal."

"Okay then..."

"Maw it was smart of you to rent this other table. I like it."

"I knew you would... now we can seat fifteen impromptu guests all at one time, and you can decorate both tables any way you want...but no table cloths - okay. The grand kids will probably pull the tablecloths off the table and everyones plates will end up on the floor."

The floors are mopped. The cabinets shine. The counter tops are spotless.

Thanksgiving Day - Buffet Style ... from noon until the food is gone or the people are full... which ever comes first...

Black Friday - I'm not having anything to do with that maddness. The local paper filled pages with pictures of people lining up outside of Best Buy, Target, and the Mall. "That's just insane!"

Saturday morning my son and his son were sick as dogs... come Sunday... so was I. I could have been Linda Blair in The Exorist... oh I was sooooooooo sick.

When your a parent, it's common to catch everything your kids drag home... when your a grandparent whose grandkids basically live with you... you get the opportunity to go through that shit again... like I said... I was sooooooooooooo sick. Damn...

Cyber Monday is just another retail delusion.

Now, it's the Thursday after Thanksgiving... and I'm still to sick to go get my car.

FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY, & MONDAY still recovering... my son and grandson had recovered so much faster than me... it must have something to do with their youth...

While I was soooooo sick... I took up residence in our bathroom... I was going to get better or die... I wasn't so sure which... every once in a while (I had lost all track of time) I would hear my husband's voice asking, "Are you still with me?" I could barely manage to mumble a "yeah"...

Tuesday morning I was finally well enough to ask my husband what he would have done if I'd have not answered him any one of the million or so times he kept asking, "Are you still with me?" He said he would have called the ambulance. I informed him he was not to ever, EVER do that unless I request an ambulance... if I'm unconscience... LEAVE ME ALONE... I don't understand... I've fetched cold towels for everyone, held their heads, soothed them as best I could... but nobody is ever there for me damn it...

Later Tuesday morning... drove my daughter's car to Abita Springs to get my car...we did stop at Toys-R-Us (we don't have one here)... and then with Rae Lynn following me... we drove home. It's a 200 mile round trip...

Wednesday... I felt like I'd been hit by a truck... several of them. My husband left to go offshore, and is not exactly sure when he'll be home again. Lucky man.

Today is Thursday, and haven't heard a word from my husband.

Now my stove hood needs cleaning, the entire backsplash around the stove, including my entire stove. My counters are full of dirty dishes... I sent the extra table back to the rental store yesterday. There are other people that live here... yes their related to me one way or another... but when I tell you all they do is eat, sleep, and shit - just believe me!!!

I've got laundry in various stages of being done, but Lord knows I'm tired... very tired.

I had even quit smoking for a week. I was too sick to smoke...

I'm so ready for this year to be over with. We're doing Christmas dinner at my daughter's house... she has young children and it would just be cruel to tear them away from all the toys Santa will have left for them... YIPEE the people so accustom to just stopping by for Holiday food will find my house empty, foodless ... but I suspect they'll find us at my daughter's house on Christmas Day...

I'm not even putting up a Christmas tree... I absolutely refuse.

The other grandmother is doing the turkey. I'm doing the ham. My daughter is doing all the sides... and the pies.

Yes, of course, ya'll are all invited to come. I sincerely hope you do - each and every one of you... (lately there seem to only be two people reading these entries - so I don't think it's going to be a big problem.

My daughter's house has a whole lot less parking. She sets up two 4X8 sheets of plywood, puts on a nice table cloth (acutally it's a very nice, crispy white king size sheet - but it works), she does a nice holiday center piece, and there are about 20 or so mismatched chairs (yea we've done this before... mostly for birthdays, wedding and baby showers...) HO... HO ... HO

Merry Christmas!