Sunflower Powers Thru

One Resolution Down

The dishwasher is running, and about 3/4 of the kitchen mess is behind me. The more space I have, the more space I have to mess up. I made that promise to myself that I'm in the habit of making when all the clothes end up dirty and I have to wash load after load after load, and say "I'll have to make sure this never happens again." But, eventually it does. But the kitchen is all better! The resolution part will come in keeping it tidy.

Despite the fact that dealing with the rest of the world on my sleeping schedule poses a problem, I really enjoy the luxury of going to sleep when my brain and body are worn down, and sleeping until I wake up on my own. I don't remember when I went to sleep. I was on the sofa, I had that very relaxing new age station playing music, and I drifted off before the sun came up. It was between 3:30 and 5:00 am. I guess I got my twelve hours of sleep.

I remember waking up sometime in the daylight, answering the phone, and talking to the lady that helped me with my checking account changes yesterday. An unanticipated check showed up for payment where my funds aren't, so she asked what I wanted to do. She's so sweet. She asked me what wanted to do, and when I gave the wrong anwer, she rephrased the question and asked again. I'm not with it when I first wake up. I can sleep through the ringing, or have a conversation that's remembered only as a vague dream. People who know my sleeping habits regularly leave me a message.

Mom and I went to IHOP for my breakfast and her dinner at 5:00 this evening. She wasn't holding a grudge about me missing her last doctor's appointment. It was on the calendar, I knew it was that day, and I took off to wash my car, missing her call about it being time to go. I thought her appointment was at 4:00, instead of 2:00. She drove herself okay, and held up in body and spirit for the doctor.

She's so funny sometimes. I know she must be doing to me what I've done to her. She gets my goat and I overreact, unless I realize what's going on. It has to be a codependent thing. When we were waiting to see her general geriatric doctor, first visit in the office as a new patient who had called the doc at 2:00 am when she was having pain, she tells me that I need to explain to the doctor what problems she's having. Doctor's don't like for the daughter to explain, because the daughter isn't having the symptoms. We had a rehersal in the waiting room, and she did most of the talking, and managed just fine. She was just tired and anxious.

Mom's thrilled that she found a housekeeper. I'm double thrilled for her, because that means it's not my responsibility any more. I really had the best intentions, but with a bad back, a couple of writing deadlines, and a lived in house of my own, I just couldn't seem to find a block of three hours to work at her house. I feel a bit guilty, but she understands. It's not that I'm totally lazy, because the CAT scan showed that my spine is in the process of degenerating, just like Mom's has. She kept her house clean as long as she could, and even loner when she knew I wasn't watching. But now she feels like she has a new person to depend on, so I'm happy for her.

When the sun comes up, as it's 4:30 now, I'm going to gather all the Christmas things, and carry them out to the garage. This year it just ended up being clutter. I usually appreciate the season more than I did this year. I just needed more people to celebrate with. Critters don't understand Christmas. I'll be glad to have all the red and green back where it belongs. Then I can get at the dust and dirt that's accumulated. It really shows up on the hardwood floors, but they're beautiful when they're clean.

I spent several hours looking for freelance jobs yesterday. I may get a reply or two. I'm still learning how to work with a contract sensibility. I'm used to having jobs that go on forever. I've thought about substituting. Still at the thinking point. I found a place in town needing teachers part-time for GRE review sessions a few days a week. I think I'd prefer that to anything long term.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on adding more items to my port. My writing just dried up for awhile. I did some very personal, self-revelation kind of writing in my spiral with pen and paper. I still enjoy practicing penmanship. I do my first drafts more comfortably on pen and paper too. There's a time and place for both kinds of writing. . . .