A peek at the REAL Thumbster

Free Range Chimps (Official Monkey Business)

Thank you for contacting The Government of Canada Website Directory. Please select which official language you wish to proceed with.









You have selected English.












Please select which Canadian Government agency you require.











You have selected Canadian Primate Regulating and Licensing Agency.












Thank you for contacting the Canadian Primate Regulating and Licensing Agency. Please note: All primates in Canada must be registered and licensed. This applies to ALL primates, regardless if the primate is intended for institutional, commerical or private use.












Please select whether you wish to register and license a primate for institutional, commercial or private use.












You have selected you wish to register and license a primate for private use.

















Please select which primate species you are requesting to be registered and licensed.





















You have selected gorilla. Unfortunately gorillas are NOT permitted to be registered and licensed for private use in Canada.




















You have selected monkey.





















Please state from where you aquired this monkey.



















You stated you aquired this monkey from Dillman's Exotic Critters, 147th Feeney Avenue, Havelock, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

















Please select whether this monkey is to be used for educational, clinical, commerical or personal purposes.




















You have selected personal purposes.


















Please state what personal purpose.



















You have stated family pet.





















Please state how many hours a day your monkey will be expected to be a family pet.



















You have selected 24 hours a day. Note: monkeys in Canada are NOT permitted to be family pets more than 10 hours a day. They must also be given a 15 minute break every 3 hours and an hour off for lunch.




















You have selected 10 hours a day.


















Please state whether you monkey has a name.






















You have selected your monkey HAS a name.



















Please be advised all monkeys in Canada MUST be named and registered in accordance with the Canadian Monkey Name Registry.





















Please state whether your monkey has a name registered in accordance with the Canadian Monkey Name Registry.























You have selected your monkey's name is NOT registered with the Canadian Monkey Name Registry.




















Please state what name you wish to register your monkey.


















You have stated you wish to name your monkey Jingles. Unfortunately that name is already registered to another monkey. Note: monkeys are not permitted to have the same names in Canada. Please consult this list for available monkey names. Permitted Canadian Monkey Name List















You have stated you wish to name your monkey Mr Bungles. Note: there is a $25 surcharge for any monkey name that starts with "Mr".

















You have selected you wish to name your monkey Bungles. Unfortunately that name is already registered to another monkey. Note: monkeys are not permitted to have the same names in Canada. Please consult this list for available monkey names. Permitted Canadian Monkey Name List




















You have selected you wish to name your monkey Pic.




















Please state if you wish your monkey to have a middle name.



















You have stated you wish your monkey's middle name to be Wic. Unfortunately that middle name is already registered to another monkey. Note: monkeys are not permitted to have the same middle names in Canada. Please consult this list for available monkey middle names. Permitted Canadian Middle Monkey Name List Also note: there is a $25 surcharge for any monkey middle names.






















You have selected you DON'T wish your monkey to have a middle name.





















Please state whether your monkey is right handed or left handed.



















You have selected your monkey is right handed. Note: there is a $25 surcharge for registering and licensing a right handed monkey.




















You have selected your monkey is left handed.




















Please state whether your monkey will be an indoor or outdoor monkey. Note: monkeys are NOT permitted to roam freely in Canada.



















You have selected your monkey will be an indoor monkey.























Please state whether your monkey will have access to both English and French. Note: monkeys MUST have access to both of Canada's offical languages.
























You have selected your monkey WILL have access to both of Canada's offical languages.






















Please select which level of monkey license you are applying for.






















You have selected Monkey License Class 1.
This license permits your monkey to accompany you if you travel outside the country.
Allows your monkey to own and opperate a motor vehicle.
Allows your monkey to discharge firearms.
Ensures the monkey's acceptance into the nearest university.
Negates you from having to clean up any monkey turds.
This license is $5,000 for 3 years.




















You have selected Monkey License Class 2.
This license permits your monkey to accompany you if you travel out of province, (but not out of the country).
Allows your monkey to occasionally drive your car.
Allows your monkey to load, but not discharge, firearms.
Ensures the monkey's acceptance into the nearest community college.
Negates you from having to clean up any monkey turds between the hours of 9 - 5.
This license is $3,000 for 3 years.




















You have selected Monkey License Class 3.
This license permits your monkey to accompany you if you travel to the nearest town, (as long as it's not out of the province).
Allows your monkey to sit up front, but not drive your car.
Allows your monkey to touch, but not discharge, firearms.
Ensures the monkey's acceptance into the nearest high school.
Negates you from having to clean up any monkey turds between the hours of 11 - 3.
This license is $1,000 for 1 year.






















You have selected Monkey License Class 4.
This license permits your monkey to accompany you if you step outside your front door, (but the monkey can't leave your property).
Allows your monkey to sit in the back seat of your car, (as long as your car doesn't leave your property).
Allows your monkey to look at, but not touch, firearms.
Ensures the monkey's acceptance in any learn-at-home eductaional institution.
Negates you from having to clean up any monkey turds over noon hour.
This license is $500 for 6 months.






















You have selected Monkey License Class 5.
This license permits your monkey to accompany you throughout your home. (This means the monkey gets to watch you while you use the washroom or as you fool around in your bedroom).
Your monkey is not permitted to leave your home, (unless it's to shit in your car).
Your monkey is not permitted anywhere near firearms but is permitted to play with knives and matches.
Your monkey is not permitted any form of education other than watching Jerry Springer and afternoon soap operas.
You must clean up any monkey turds yourself. (Don't think of getting the monkey to do it. He's been given a 24 hour Monkey Abuse Hotline number, can of mace and rape whistle)
This license is $100 a month.




















You have selected Screw You Canadian Primate Regulating and Licensing Agency. I'm getting a hamster instead







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