Ten-Finger Exercises

what to do, what to do?

Nearly a month ago, on 10-10, I was stewing about what to do about Thanksgiving, when I uncovered a handout with good advice. It had two columns titled: When I Feel Responsible For Others and When I Feel Responsible To Others.

Here I am, stewing about the same thing over again. My ex called me to talk about Thanksgiving. He didn't know why Hap didn't know about his plans (to have all ex's family at the beach for the holiday,) and he made out like that was Hap's fault but that that wasn't important. Hap had told him he now had made plans with me, and could I, who had known about ex's plans, possibly get out of my reservations and free Hap up to go to the beach with the rest of the family. I said I'd look into it.

It will cost me $50 to cancel my reservations, which are already paid for, but I would do that if Hap, now that he understands his dad's plan, wants to go to the beach. Okay.

Hap sounded sort of excited on the phone, but said he really wanted his dad to say, "I'd really like to spend some time with you." I passed on the message to his dad.

But then, two days later, Hap tells me no, he'd rather come be with us; and he evidently told his dad the same thing. Evidently the personal invitation he'd wanted didn't happen. Okay. I haven't canceled anything yet.

So, I get an email from ex asking if Bill and I would like to come be with them at the beach if he can get another room? (I'm sure he's not planning on paying for it.) "Are we that sophisticated, that we could be around each other without tension?" he asked. That tensed me right up!

Anyway, I wonder what brought that about, so I try calling both son and daughter with no answer. Eventually Hap calls back and says he still wants to go with us.

Daughter calls back tonight and thinks it would be dandy if we were all going to the beach together. I feel torn. Bill is willing to do whatever, just wants me to make up my mind.
I have made it up; it just keeps getting unmade.

Well, remembering the handout I found, I reminded myself that it was my feeling responsible for Hap that got me into this in the first place, and here I am trying to make it work out well for all of them again. I'll be darned.

What do I want to do?

I don't want to go be tense and help ex's newest wife make Thanksgiving dinner for fifteen people in a motel kitchen. Nor do I want to be company and let her wait on me, although I did have to ponder that one for a minute.

Even though that motel has been totally redone, it's one my mother and dad used to like. I took her back there once, just the two of us, after Daddy died. It was cold and damp. I suspect this Thanksgiving will be cold and damp there too. I opt for Skamania Lodge, with its big stone fireplaces and delicious food. There will just be the six of us-- Hap, his wife Liz, Lucy, Katie, Bill and me-- but we'll have a nice time. And the rest of them probably will too. We'll all have plenty to be thankful for, even if we're not all together.