Grandma's Pearls

The reason

O.K., the reason behind the crying, I had just stopped by a friend's house to talk to her about the loss of her mother, a little over a week ago. Just to give her some moral support and let her know that what she was feeling was normal. I lost my mom last summer and I know what she is going through. There is such a strange mix of emotions that your brain wants to turn itself off but just doesn't.
It is very hard to watch someone you love just stop living and even harder to watch it happen slowly. Her mother was diagnosed with end stage leukemia and alzheimer's, so it was exceptionally hard for her because there were days that her mother did not know her. I can't imagine how that felt but I am sure it was hard for her. When someone you love goes through something like that and all you can do is watch, it is very trying for your mind and your emotions.
Then when the inevitable happens and they pass away, part of you feels relieved and then you feel guilty because you felt relieved that it was over. They aren't suffering anymore and your happy about that but you can't or shouldn't feel that way and then your sad ontop of all of the other emotions. Then your brain just doesn't know what to do and you walk around in a kind of fog for a while. It is almost a never ending circle of conflicting emotions and it is totally draining. Because you are so emotionally invested in the person, it becomes physically draining as well. You forget to eat, you want to be left alone but not really, you want everyone to go away but not really, you want things to get back to normal but feel guilty about wanting that to happen, it just feels like it never ends and your so tired that you just want to sleep until things are back to normal but not really.
All of these things are normal at least that is what I have experienced and what I have been told by others who have been there also. When I saw that accident that day, I was just emotionally overwhelmed. Talking to my friend ahs helped me to deal with my mom's death last summer and life goes on as they(?) say. If you don't try to keep up, it passes you and then you have all kinds of trouble trying to catch up.
My advice to my friend was to take it one day at a time and if something you see or hear makes you want to cry, then cry. Don't hold it all in, you will explode in one way or another. As for getting back to normal, the only thing I have found that seems to work for the short term, pretend that everything is ok and that you are fine in public for example, at work, at the grocery store where people know you but not personally. After a while, you begin to accept what has happened and there isn't as much pretending going on as there was. Life goes on.
If you know someone that has lost a loved one and they tell you to go away and leave them alone, do so, but don't go far. Just leave the room they are in but keep an eye on them. Don't bother them but don't go away. Give them time to deal with the emotional overload, Just be there to listen and give them a shoulder to cry on or two arms to hold them up for a while. Help them to keep going and not give up. They need your love and support and comfort and understanding more than you know. Cooking dinner for them and bringing it over, that helps, especially if they have others who depend on them for the evening meal. Helping them by cleaning the kitchen or just something simple like vacuuming for them while they are out makes such an impression and believe it or not, relieves some of the stress they feel at this time in thier lives.
Little things make the biggest impression.Sometimes the smallest thing is just the right thing to help them through the day. I am going to try to take my friend on a picnic lunch this weekend. Just to get out of the house and enjoy the day. When you have a good day, it is a blessing.