Dear Lucy

October 19th

                                                                                                                       October, 19th, 2007


Dear Lucy!

Yet again, I'm sorry for not writing you constantly. There wasn't that much happening in the last few days.
I did go to bed early on Monday. On Tuesday, I didn't get much of a chance to work on my project for Stephan took all my attention. I didn't even have the chance to see Dana for long. Just a quick 'hi' and 'how are you', 'good, you?', 'thanks, me as well' ,'bye', 'bye'. That wasn't so nice, but it's okay. Even as friends we don't need to hang out every day.

Wednesday I finished my flyer. Before handing it in, I printed the design and quickly showed it to Dana. She was surprised how good it was. At least that's what I was reading out of her reaction. She stared at it for a few minutes and then a bright smile crossed her whole face. She told me how good it was and that she had no doubt anymore that the job was mine. I'm not sure if she has seen any of the other flyers. But her positive reaction allowed me to give my flyer to the boss with a certain kind of pride. He took it without a comment and told me that he would let me know about his decision. Whenever it's done.
Great! That meant waiting and waiting and waiting....

The rest of my work time on Wednesday went past very quickly. Besides my quick visit to show Dana my flyer, we, again, didn't find the time for a longer talk. I hoped for Thursday.
When coming home, oh wonder, I met Stephanie in the hallway. I haven't seen her for some time. She had just come home from jogging. Which was a painful reminder that I had wanted to do that as well, right? I will..just not now.
We talked for a few minutes. About nothing special. Just her boyfriend and university. Stuff like that. Then she hurried to get a shower and I went in, got changed and took my bike to get some shopping done.
My thoughts were constantly circling around my flyer and how the boss would decide. I was scared but also had hope.

Thursday: another very not so special day. Again busy. And yet AGAIN, I didn't get the chance to meet with Dana. Since it was raining the whole day long, I didn't even bother to go out when I came home after work. I watched some TV and went to bed early.

Friday. That's today. Got in to work a bit late. Not a good sign to start a day. Was called in to the boss right after coming in. I tell you, I was scared as f**k. Was that the moment that I had to pack my things and leave? My heart was pounding so hard when walking along the floor and taking the stairs up to the boss's bureau, that I feared an earthquake would erupt from it. The way to his office seemed longer than ever before. My hand, as my whole body, felt numb as I knocked on the door of the anteroom. The boss's  secretary called me in and told me to have a seat and wait for a few minutes. The boss was on the phone still.
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. I hated it. It felt like at school after your final tests. When you have to wait for your marks and to get told if you passed or not. I tried to look everywhere but to the secretary. She, though, kept looking at me from time to time. And I swear. She had that most compassionate look on her face. As if to say that she was so very sorry. And that she was sure I would find a good job somewhere else. Just not here.
Then the boss opened the door and greeted me with a big smile. I went into his room and sat down at his table, opposite of him. On his desk lay the three flyers. At first he didn't look up but stared on the three sheets. What a torture! Jeez!
Then he looked up, made eye contact and rose from his chair. His hand reached out over the table into my direction. I was stunned but then shot up as well and took his hand. He shook it, no words said. I felt my mouth drop because I wanted to say something. But nothing came out.

“Welcome to our team!” He said, let go of my hand and dropped back into his chair. Then he leaned back in it and watched me. Amusement openly shown on his face.

I was gasping when I sat down as well.
“You mean...I....you...the job...”

He laughed at my confusion and nodded.
“Yes. You've got the job. It's incredible what you've done with that project. And Mark and Stephan said you were best fitting for our team. So, welcome.”

“Oh my god! Oh my goooood!” I had to fight to not jump up and hug my boss. How does that sound – my boss. I've got the job! Can you imagine that!?! I really have it.

We chatted for some more minutes. I will have the web designer position by the first of November. Until then Stephan is supposed to show me more of how things work. Starting November I have the full responsibility for our web presence. Besides that I also have to take care of other software issues. So, whenever a computer crashes, I have to hurry to get it back up working. Something I don't really like that much. But I hope my computer knowledge will be good enough that I'm able to handle everything. The main view of my job is all the design work though. And the first assignment I have, is to redo the whole web page and build a totally new one. It's a lot of work but I'm not complaining. It's great! A miracle!! I can't wait to start.

I had to pull myself together not to run back to my office. Yes, it's going to be MY office. A whole bureau for myself. Myself alone.
On my way I stopped by Dana's door. My hand flew up to knock on it and I heard her calm voice calling me in. I rushed to open the door. She was taken aback by my sudden entrance in such an excited manner. When she recognized me, she immediately got up and came around her table.
“What? What is it? Did something happen?”

It was hard not to jump up and down like a child.
“I've got it! I've got the job!”

Dana laughed and reached out her arms towards me. I was so excited I nearly jumped into her arms for a quick hug. Unfortunately I didn't even realize what I was doing. A quick squeeze from us both and I was back out of her arms. I just couldn't stop and was rushing around her office. Dana was just standing at her table, watching me delighted.
Me? I was hurrying from one side of the room to the other, jabbering about my ideas and how wonderful this was. Some minutes must have passed, before she grabbed one of my hands and made me stop in front of her.
“That IS wonderful. Congratulations!” Dana's smile told me how happy she was for me. She squeezed my hand and let go of it.

We looked at each other for a moment. Then I took a deep breath to pull myself back together. As soon as the next idea came to my mind, it already was out of my mouth.
“Care to celebrate that with me tonight? I invite you for a celebration dinner.”

“Yes.” Dana laughed, but the next second her face turned dark. “No...I mean...I can't.”
Suddenly all the happiness was gone out of her voice and body. Her shoulders visibly dropped. She turned and walked around her table, only to sit down slowly. “I'm sorry. I can't.”

I put my hands on my hips.
“What do you mean, you can't? I mean, come on, I got that job and that will happen only once. It's a very special day. And to celebrate that with you would be the best.”
Disappointment was crawling up my back. Why wouldn't she want to go out for dinner with me? We're friends and I would do that for her. I would be happy to celebrate such an incident. Especially if she asked me to.

“I can't. I can't leave Tess alone tonight.” Dana was avoiding my eyes. Her fingers were nervously playing with the corner of a paper laying on her table.

I dropped my hands from my hips.
“Why can't your husband look after her? It's only for a few hours. Come on, please. Say yes? Please. Pleeeeeease??” I tried to use my puppy eyes to persuade her. Dana looked up for a split second. Long enough for me to see pure sadness and hurt in her face. I was taken aback by that reaction. What was going on? What was so bad about me asking her to go out for a celebration dinner?

“I can't.”. She looked away again.

“Please?” Another puppy eyed look with a cheeky grin.

“I can't! Stop it. I mean it.” Dana said, a sudden force in her voice that I hadn't expected. She shot up from her chair. Her palms were laying flat on her table. She threw such an angry look at me. Behaviour that I hadn't known from her. I took a step back and raised my arms. Why was she getting so furious at me? I had just asked because I thought she was a friend and would like to spend the evening with me. The evening to celebrate a great success for me. What is so bad about that?!
“Okay, then don't.” I couldn't hold back the disappointment. It wasn't the fact that she couldn't come that hurt me. I mean, yes, of course I wasn't too happy about that. But that is okay. We could have found another day to celebrate if she can't find the time today. That's fine with me. Maybe her husband isn't at home tonight and she can't find anyone to look after Tessa. I understand that.

What I really don't understand his how she talked to me. I hadn't done anything to her to deserve that. The way she had almost screamed at me in anger, had hurt me. Why would she do that?
I turned on my heels and left her office. The door fell close with a bang. I heard her calling after me, but I wasn't in the mood to listen. If she wants it that way, she can have it that way.

I'm telling you....I can't believe this. In no way, I wanted to have a fight with her. It's just...why should I let her talk to me like that? Right? Maybe you will say I overreacted. Maybe I did. I don't know...it's just...yes, maybe it was the disappointment that she couldn't come or didn't even try to think about how she could manage to come. It would have meant so much to me. But it also was the hurt about being approached like that. She could have talked to me normally. Just told me what the problem was and I would have been okay about it. Really.

I didn't see her again today. She didn't even bother to come around and say sorry. I hid in my bureau  for the rest of the work day.
There was and is no way though, that I'm going to let her steal my good mood away. At first I thought that the day would be done for. But after an hour or so, I decided to not let that happen. It's my day and no one will be able to ruin that for me.
So, I picked up the phone and called Nadja. She sounded really happy to hear me. I told her about my success at work and she got even more excited. She immediately agreed to go out with me. So, that's what I'm getting ready to do now. I've invited her to go to a chinese restaurant in town. I've walked past it a few times now and always wanted to go in there because it looked very inviting. After that we might go back to that club where we met a month ago. Was that really a whole month ago already?!? Time passes by quickly.
Anyway, after finishing here, I will go have a quick shower and get ready to meet with Nadja. I am looking forward to spending the evening with her. I won't let what happened between Dana and me today spoil my day. I just won't.

I'll tell you tomorrow how the dinner was.

Take care!!

Yours,

                      Myra