The Silent Voices in my Mind

A Speck of Dust

In the grand scheme of things, I am nothing. I am a speck of dust in the universe that exists only during my cosmically short life span, making no marks on history save perhaps for a few 1s and 0s in routine paperwork. To the world at large, I am invisible; to time I am meaningless.

On a smaller scale, I have an impact on the lives of my own circle of people. My husband and four children would not be the same without me. My best friend and her daughter are central in my life. My extended family is touched by my life and choices. I have limited impact on one circle wider in that I have dealings with teachers and doctors and other parents.

The problem comes about because I don't think I want to be merely a speck of dust. I want to make a difference in the lives of people who are not forced to be around me by virtue of the fact they were born from my womb. I have a passion for understanding people - who they are and where they are coming from, how and why they think and act the way they do. I am fascinated by how people express (or suppress) emotions in their words, their face, and their body language. I love trying to understand the motives behind behaviors and the roots of those motives.

So here I am... stuck. I want to move towards doing something with this passion, putting it to use - preferably to help people. But I have absolutely no idea how to make this happen. I know of no way to make use of psychology knowledge without formal education and training. As much as I would love to pursue this training and take every college class I can get my hands on, the financial resources are simply unavailable. We make too much to get financial assistance and not enough to cover the bills we have, let alone support college tuition. At this point, I don't even see any hope of that changing for at least the next 12 - 16 years. (At that time my youngest should be graduating from high school or college.) What do I do in the meantime? Isn't there some way I can inch towards that goal - some middle ground somewhere?

Or is it my destiny to remain a speck of dust?

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