The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

I swiped it.

1. List two facts about the last person you kissed.
My last official kiss was not a romantic one. It was a motherly one, a kiss stolen just before the school bell rang. The person I kissed has a shiny, beautiful face, and she yells out expletives like 'Thunderbugs!' or 'Pickle Juice!' when truly ticked off.

2. What was your first thought when you looked in the mirror this morning?
'What is the deal with all these fuzzy hairs framing my face? When did my hair become woolly? Seriously, now, is this is the beginning of the end? My hair used to be the one thing I could count on, dammit.'

3. Do you believe there's always room in your heart for your first love?
Absolutely. He served as a very gentle introduction into the world of sharing two lives, and we meant it at the time. That intention which existed in the beginning continues to beat inside.

4. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's underwear?
Nope.

5. Where is the next place you will travel to?
M. has it in his head that he wants to go to Newfoundland, mainly because I mentioned that at most I think I can handle a two hour flight, which just about covers the flight time from here to there. I've no real interest in Newfoundland because it conjures images of fishing boats and drunken, displaced former Irishmen, but he says we can go whale watching and assures me that it's warm in the summer. We'll see.

6. Do you want to get married and have kids one day?
Like most things in my life, let's reverse the order of the options. Yes, I'd love to get married and at this point my child will be the flower girl or perhaps the maid of honour. I feel certain that the man I'm with is the one I want, this time.

7. Do you curse a lot?
No. I sound ridiculous when I try to pull off street.

8. Have you ever kissed in a pool?
No, come to think of it. In a lake, yes, but a pool? No. I'm not much for water and when I'm in it, I generally focus on the fact that I'm trying not to drown.

9. Do you have long hair or short hair?
Long. Toward the lower middle of my back. It needs some volume, though. My hair at present is bothering me greatly. I have taken to pulling it back, which reveals my white streak and the crop of fuzzies by each temple. I need a change. Stat.

10. Do you like ice cream?
It's probably one of my very favourite things, ever. I also haven't eaten any since October, and I'm very sad about it.

11. What's your favorite color?
I used to say green, automatically, because no one else I knew claimed it as their favourite and because it is the colour I most closely identify with Irish pride. Then, recently, I allowed myself to acknowledge my unconscious pull toward all things red and realized that it is my genuine favourite, even though I've been trying to convince myself otherwise. You are who you are. Red, then green.

12. What does the last text in your inbox say?
I don't text. I have other ridiculous habits with which to fritter away my time.


13. Are you open about your sex life?
With my friends I am, except I seldom get raunchy about it. I tend to allude to things rather than come right out and say them, mostly because I know I have a reputation for being something of a lady and being anything less is supremely uncomfortable. I might say something along the lines of 'and then he, you know, did his thing, and I almost, you know, got to where I wanted to go', which the person listening is supposed to understand as 'he moved in that direction and I nearly climaxed'. I make you work for the dirt.

14. Have you ever lied to protect someone's feelings?
Absolutely. Being honest is sometimes an exercise in sadism if you know what you're saying will only serve to hurt the person the comment is intended for. That said, if the person would benefit for the truth, then I'll give it, but more often than not, I either opt for the little lies or I dance around an actual answer.

15. Are you hiding something from your parents?
I'm a little bit beyond that stage of life. My parents probably know too much about me, to be honest.

16. Do you get jealous of other people easily?
I've been working on this lately. I used to get jealous of other people's successes, until I realized that the difference between them and me was that they made an effort while I would sit back and wait for good things to just inch their way over. Doesn't work this way. That said, I have been envious of people who seem to get everything they want with little or no talent/effort. Like this girl I used to work with who recently got her dream job, despite having no experience and very little smarts. While I am sending out resumes and agonizing over what to do, she walked into the job without a suitable period of mourning after losing the one before it. I just keep thinking that my turn is coming.

17. What's the best thing about having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I love the late night conversations. I like lying in bed, chatting into the blackness, sharing private jokes and laughing ourselves to sleep. I like the feel of his long legs wrapped around my own, and I even like to look at his laundry in the basket because it makes our relationship seem more real.

18. Have you ever been asked "does size matter"?
No. I guess my exclamations during the throes of passion have told them everything they needed to know.

19. Oh, there was no eighteen.


20. Are you of great importance in someone else's life?
You'd have to ask anyone who knows me. Sometimes I fantasize about whether there has ever been a man/boy in my past who has laid awake nights thinking of me and I never knew it, or if I've been featured in a sizable chunk of some random person's diary without being aware. My ego goes on wild adventures with this kind of thinking. In reality, though, I know I am important to M. and my wee person, and hope that never changes.

21. What's your favorite saying?
There's a reason for everything.

22. Is there anybody that knows your deepest, darkest secret?
For the longest time he was my deepest, darkest secret, but we're past that now.

23. Could you?
*sigh*

24. Who taught you to tie your shoes?
I have no idea, but I want my money back. I still tie them backwards, according to everyone who has ever been bored enough to watch me tie my laces. I also whistle backwards, if you must know.

25. Do you usually sing while showering?
I hum a great deal, mostly because I never remember the lyrics to any song. I start off singing 'Traveling Soldier' and find myself suddenly in the middle of 'Blowing In The Wind' before I give up entirely and start humming like a lunatic.

26. What's something that really grosses you out?
Saliva, mucous, blood, feces, urine and acne. I have a hair trigger gag reflex.

27. What is the oldest person you would date right now?
If you'd have asked me this in my twenties my answer would be much different than it is now. Men of all ages are attractive to me now, as experience and wisdom are just as important as agility and physical attraction. If I were single, I'd probably cap it at about fifty-five. As it is, I'm in it with this one until the hair goes white and the bones go brittle.

28. Do you stick up for what you believe in?
Yes, and it almost always ticks someone off. I need to work on my delivery, I think.

29. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Stock answer is myself, but today I'm feeling fairly fat with pride. Mostly, though, I am annoyed with myself for giving in to my self-doubt and fears, but at the end of the day it all takes you in the direction you're supposed to. In this way, my current state of delicacy might be viewed as a learning experience. I'm okay with that.

30. If you could go back in time, would you?
If you mean just to watch and observe and then come right back undetected, absolutely. If you mean to go back and do things over again, I don't know. I don't feel as though my personality has evolved enough yet to allow to make the smarter choices a second time around, and also, I am not sure that all the good things in my life would fall into place if I went back and made even the slightest of changes.

31. Do you use your middle finger often?
As a bit of naughty sign language? Not since I was twelve.

32. What's annoying you right now?
I believe I mentioned the fuzzy hair thing already. It's no fun looking like a Muppet. Also, supremely unhappy with the short lip life of my new lipstick. I am annoyed that people still buy all the crap that China is cranking out because we need our manufacturing industry back and it would be nice to know that what we as consumers are buying isn't going to kill us somewhere down the road. I 'm a little annoyed that M. is seemingly off his game today, sort of sulky and distant when today is my 'I got published!' day. I don't expect much, but I did expect his enthusiasm. He says he's tired. Whatever.

33. Are you a really understanding person?
People tell me I am, but just as many people argue against it. I think my patience and understanding are always at odds, in that I understand and empathize, but then I get tired of the situation and just want it be over. Of course, when I was working, I was the manager people came to with their problems not just because I understood, but because I usually had a suggestion or a way to fix things. I'm better at fixing other people than myself.

34. How many people have you kissed in your entire life?
Six. The first one was a one-off and I felt cheated because it was awful and invasive. The second kisser was too old for me and I was clumsy and frightened the entire time he tried to swallow my head. The third one had braces and drew blood more than once. The fourth was better, but he was far more experienced than I was and I tried to keep my distance. I actually don't remember kissing him much, which is odd because I know we did. I guess he made little impression. The fifth was a kiss that went on for thirteen years. The sixth was the one that decided my life's course.

35. Do you know anyone who's addicted to any drugs?
Not anymore. Most people I have been close to who have done drugs have not been 'addicted' per se, but were casual about it, partaking at parties and such. One person I did know who was into it on an addictive level eventually overdosed and is currently in a state of decay under six feet of dirt. I don't have a lot of patience for drug users, though, and if anyone I know is dependent on them, I'm sure I'd be the last person they'd confide in about it.