Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about how not to get hired.

THE PROMPT: "What is your greatest strength? What is your biggest weakness? Write about each and why you think it’s a strength or weakness. How would you change either of these things, if you could?"

Good evening friends. It was recommended of us to treat this prompt like a job interview, because you're always asked these questions. I've always hated job interviews, because typically it means I need a job, and the interview is basically me having to talk my way into one. And the worst part of interviews? These questions.

Luckily, I do pretty well in interviews, even if I don't like talking about myself. Sometimes, all you need is the right mix of confidence, humility and experience just to survive and move on to either the second interview or the job itself. While I recognize there isn't a job at stake here, I'd like to present to you the things I would like to say, but can't out of the fear of not actually gaining employment (and how they work to my benefit).

Strengths:

I dated your daughter in high school! Ummm, I mean, while she was in high school. (The "in" with the hiring manager.)

I can waste time conservatively. (I'm economical.)

Did you know that calling in sick and taking a sick day can actually make you more money with some companies than just working your regular shift? (I'm concerned about the health and well-being of others.)

My sense of humor gets me more compliments from customers than write-ups from bosses. (Exempilary customer service.)

I don't smell like cat pee, but your elderly receptionist does, and has the stains on her sweater to prove it. (Attention to detail.)

I can retain some enough of my sobriety at the office Christmas party to convince the hot chick in Accounting to drive me home. (Responsibility.)

Weaknesses:

We're both glad that wasn't my kid, aren't we? (The "in" with the hiring manager.)

Weakness? I get distracted easily. (I have a good cell phone plan.)

I don't call in sick that many times during the week. (I'm really concerned about my coworkers' health and well-being.)

Sometimes, there's a fine line between funny and offensive. (Misunderstood at a previous job.)

Yo, that old chick that buzzed me in? She smells like cat pee, and she's got it all over her. (Very, very uncouth.)

So if I'm hired, maybe we can hit up Applebee's after for some Long Island Iced Teas? Wanna see how I live? (Totally the incorrect way to thank someone.)

I realize I totally missed on the prompt. I'm ok with that, cuz I nailed the sub-prompt. What's one bad entry in a month anyway?

MUSICAL BREAK!!

The corporate office called...they said you need to watch this video as part of a "retraining initiative" they're launching as a part of the rollover from last year's training conference in Woebegone, MA. Remember that conference? Neither do I. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c

VITAL STATS:

This entry was interrupted and blindsided by what I couldn't in a million years see coming...Tebow beating the Steelers with his arm. Was that not amazing? I mean, I don't get him one way or the other, and I'm still reserving judgement on him, but the dude almost always wins. Unless I see him play in Buffalo. Then, he gets pew'd by the ministers on the Bills. How can a crappy Bills team missing some of their best players romp the Broncos and force Tebow into a bunch of turnovers, while two weeks later Tebow shreds the NFL's #1-rated defense on the ground and in the air? This is unimaginable.

Lost in all of the hype of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , yesterday was in fact the 100th entry in this new blog. Guess it's time to stop calling it new now, huh? Must be time to rework the opening ceremonies of it too.

I wish I had more for you, but I don't. It's been a football and pizza puffs and tuna sammich kinda day. And probably an early night too, since I woke up and could barely get out of bed because my lower back is tighter than...never mind, it's really frickin' tight and coughing makes it hurt. So there. Watch your Sunday funday shows, do what ya gotta do, love each other, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCC_PxRWVI4&feature=related