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A little bit of everything, colored my own way. |
THE PROMPT: "An anonymous valentine." Good evening, good people. Curious prompt, given that it's already a few days after Valentine's Day. And I'm not known for my penchant of being anonymous, so allow me to satisfy the prompt in the only way I know how...from me. ![]() Dear Anonymous, I don't think you need to hear me send you my regards. If you felt the need to solicit them, after the fact that this cheesy Hallmark holiday has already passed, then something is clearly wrong. Ummm, with you. See, if I wanted to wish you a happy Valentine's Day, I would've. But you've chosen to have me send you one anyway. I find that to be a little selfish and a lot more self-serving. I refer this to the same type of people who feel that they have to point out how funny, attractive, or intelligent they are...if they have to be the one to tell you so, even before you've had the chance to figure it out, well, then they probably aren't funny, attractive, or smart (or any adjective of their choosing when referencing themself). Furthermore, you needn't thank me for my lack of a proper Valentine greeting. It's getting late, and the chimpanzees in the basement need to be fed. I originally hired them to see if they actually could type Shakespeare plays on the computer, but lately they've been translating unnecessary and undecipherable emails and other blatherings on my laptop that seem to keep slipping past my junk filters and anti-virus software. You've always got to stay vigilant to keep these things at bay, or else the terrorists win...again. So instead, I'll offer my condolences in lieu of flowers this year. While discouraged by your faceless and nameless claims, as well as your unsightly indiscretions and terrifyingly sad attempts at life and how it's used to discourage and debase others, I must admit I find myself staring at you much the way I rubberneck at a car crash. I suppose I should apologize for that, but there's enough water under the burnt bridge for me to grab onto a slab of wood and float away, shaking my head like "This just actually happened?". May the slavation of love find you elsewhere. Best wishes, This guy. MUSICAL BREAK!! Dear Valentine Anon, please accept these samples of tuneage as a token of your deep infestation of weirdness. Creeper. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VPXlalP2YU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KEpExTCX4k http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hhu-OyHqZM ![]() VITAL STATS: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() And with that I'm outta here. Gotta send a shout-out to the winners of the January "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" ![]() ![]() ![]() http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dNkf6uFZIs |