Flash Entries

Air-Conditioned Amity (Winner Writer's Cramp 7/7/10)

Writer’s Cramp 7/ 7/10 Prompt: Your pants split during exercise class. Write a humorous story or poem about this comic event.
Air-Conditioned Amity
Amity had taken the training, passed her tests. She interviewed for the yoga instructor’s position at the new studio in town. She was excited to start her new job. This was the beginning of her new life.
She woke up early, laid out her new yoga pants and top. She loved the slate blue. It made her feel so peaceful and it made her eyes pop. She sang in the shower “Macho, Macho Man”, giggling and thinking about her first class of the day.
It was the Businessman’s Special. She had twenty men signed up to be in the strenuous course. She was up to the challenge. She knew she would put the guys through their paces. Amity and the owner of the studio had pulled together a workout for this morning’s group to challenge their strength, knowledge of the postures, and their balance. It would be interesting to see where their strengths and needs would lead the class.
Amity finished her morning rituals, a light breakfast and plenty of water. She dressed in her pretty new outfit. It left nothing to the imagination. Yoga had been good to her body. She was petite, slim and toned beyond tone. She checked the mirror one last time, grabbed her bag, and left for the studio.
She arrived early for the class. She opened the studio, turned on the lights and put the CDs in the stereo. She rolled out her rug in the front of her room. She faced the mirrors and started to warm up her muscles.
The first students were starting to arrive. Amity could feel her excitement grow with each tinkle of the bell on the door. All of these men came to take her class. She hoped she wouldn’t forget the vinyasas.
In less than five minutes the studio was packed. The men were all sitting on their sticky mats looking at her. She was sure she knew what Little Red Ridinghood felt like in a room full of Big Bad Wolves. She tried to shake her nerves and decided the best thing to do was to get started.
“Good Morning, my name is Amity. I know you all have a busy day ahead of you, so how about we get started.”
She sat cross legged facing the class, leading them through some mild stretches. Then they moved through several repetitions of Sun Salutations. She led the guys through Mountain, Tree, and Eagle postures. She was impressed with their posture and balance. She only had to help a few with minor adjustments. She moved back to the front of the class to start the Triangle- Warrior sequence the owner had suggested.
Facing the mirror, Amity began the sequence in Mountain, and then split her legs to go into Triangle. She slowly described reaching forward, shifting the hips back, and lowering the front hand to the floor beside the right foot. She told the guys to open and look toward the ceiling. She felt something pop. She wasn’t sure what it was. She’d never felt anything like that in her training. She kept going. From one position to the next, she flowed with all of the gentlemen working behind her. Every once in a while she would feel another little pop. She knew it wasn’t muscular, or nerves. She wished she could figure it out.
She kept noticing all of her students watching her movements so carefully. She was honored. She turned her mat to parallel the mirrors. So she could do the next series facing the guys. They stood with their feet about four feet apart. She had them bend down, grab their ankles and pull down as close to their legs as they could get. That was when she found out what was popping. It was the seam in the seat of her brand new yoga pants.
The guys were guys after all. They didn’t know her at all. How do you tell someone you just met, “Hey, yoga master…uh… your panties are showing?” Or being grown business men would you say the infamous, “I see London, I see France, I see Amity’s underpants?” Oh no, they had kept their mouths shut. She called the pose, and now she was looking at her own underpants. She wondered how long she could hold this pose. Then she thought, “OK Amity, at least they’re new ones.”
She discretely checked her watch, oh man, another 10 minutes before beginning relaxation. Her mind frantically searched for postures she could lead them through on the floor, well, with her butt planted on the floor. Amity kept moving forward. She had the men sweating and groaning before the class finally came to relaxation.
Softly and quietly she spoke as she led them into relaxation. She could see each man struggle and finally start to relax. It was quiet and she started to relax a little. It was hard to maintain her meditation, with her air conditioned pants situation. She brought the men back to the present, and ended the class.
She had planned to mill around with the guys, ask how they enjoyed the class, but she was embarrassed. So she sat in Lotus position as the guys chatted and strolled out of the room.
Amity, grabbed her stuff, and found a clean towel on the table by the stereo. She knew it hadn’t been there before. She wrapped it around her and headed for the door. All she wanted to do was to go home and hide.
Outside the door, a small group of class members and the owner was waiting for Amity. The guys were telling the owner that she’d given them a challenging workout, and how she kept going in less than perfect circumstances. Amity turned three shades of red. She hoped they would leave the rest of the story out.
Sam smiled at Amity, “You can give me the towel on Wednesday. We’ll all be back for the next class. Don’t even think about quitting ‘Air-Conditioned Amity’.”
kph
Word Count: 998