Dreamland

Raising Puppies

Tonight in Dreamland I'm living in the future. I'm in my mid thirties, married to a woman who is pro-environmental, trying to make the world a better place and all that. Although I admire her convictions we don't always agree, as is apparent in our current discussion:

"I know we both agreed we don't want to bring any kids into this overcrowded world, but I've always felt something is missing. And Stephanie who works in accounting, she did it."

"I don't know Jill, it just doesn't seem right. Wouldn't it be better to do it the old way and just go to a pet store?"

"Come on Steve, you know that isn't the same! This is so much more of a personal experience. Please? For me?"

"Well, if you want to that much I guess it would be OK, but I want to talk to the doctor first."

At the doctor's office:

"Mr. Anderson, I want to assure you we've done well over a hundred of these procedures from this facility since it's been approved. Our human/ canine compatibility DNA matching is equal or superior to any of the other facilities you will find in this area. We have a 97% success rate, and our prices are quite competitive."

"OK Doc, but Jill, are you still sure you want to go through with this?"

"Yes! more than anything!"

"All right Mrs. Anderson, if you'll just lie down on the table we'll begin the procedure..."

Nine months later Jill gives birth to two Labrador Retriever pups. I couldn't bring myself to watch it happen, it still seemed too unnatural to me, but I did meet her and the "kids" in the recovery room immediately afterwards.

"Oh Steve, aren't they just beautiful?"

I looked down at the two pups suckling on her breasts. I gotta admit, they were kinda cute...

Back at home a few weeks later, Jill starts to complain a little about the work involved with raising the "kids". Then one day one of the pups bites her nipple while nursing.

"That's enough for you!" she says, putting the little nipper down on the floor, "I think it's time we buy some puppy chow."