Jaded Warriors book 2 (Jade Series)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4





Shadows dripped down the walls at the reflection of the fire in the hearth outside of my room. The warmth hadn't reached my room and I wrapped the downy comforter closer around me as I snuggled deeper into the silky sheets. A dull buzz increased to a pulsating throb in my head as I tried to ignore the pain. Unable to fall asleep and not wanting to face my nightmares just yet, I listened to the guys as they talked in the front room. 


“How long has it been… A little over a week? Do you have to give her that drug still?  It’s been long enough,” Kane said, as he questioned Casey.


“It took longer this time, but she’s not getting it anymore… I gave the last of it to her yesterday.”


“What do you mean it took longer this time?”


“I brought her off it before in the jail… But when Damian found out about us coming and moved her, he loaded her up again… This is the second time she’s had to go through this.”


“Then why is she still like this?” Kane asked. Frustration heavy in his voice and I watched him walk past my room, with a strained, impatient look on his face as he paced the living room floor. I sat up, propped by pillows and stared blankly out the window into the dark night.


“Mentally… She's traumatized and can't cope. She lost her will to live, she watched people die, her brother, and she's probably blaming herself… Not to mention dealing with the effects of the drug on her own now. The physical addiction is real.”


I sat up, close to the glass. The pane leaked cold air from the outside and and wrapped around me like icy fingers. I breathed a warm sigh. The window squeaked as I doodled absently on the fogged glass then wiped it away. I stared through my faint reflection into the dark night. Icicles dripped from naked branches and glimmered against the moonlight like crystalline daggers. 


“What is it?” Gage asked. I looked back through the door. I climbed off the bed and crept across the carpet then leaned against the frame of the door as I peeked into the room to see Kane, Casey and Gage around a dying fire.


“It was engineered specifically for human torture. The government developed it and somehow Morrison got a hold of it.”


“What does it do exactly?” Gage asked, his eyes stoic, his hands restless as he rolled the stoker between his fingers, then his dogged glare softened as he glanced up at me in doorway. He held my gaze, the somberness in his eyes, matched the sinking feeling in my gut as we listened to Casey explain my withdrawals.


“It's a neurotoxin that’s highly addictive. It affects the brain, causes hallucinations, delusions. It messes with the mind, the memory, and knocks you out if given enough.” My eyes shifted from Gage to Casey as he paused briefly and looked back over his shoulder to see me in the doorway, then continued as I dropped my gaze to the floor. “If it’s given in high amounts like she had, and then abruptly stopped it causes tremors, sweats, the brain swells, confusion, headache, the whole body is in intense pain. The muscles become tense and rigid. Eventually breathing becomes difficult… I’ve seen Morrison give it over and over again. When it's stopped abruptly, they suffer through a painful death… But if given in the right amounts, it can be tapered off without permanent effects.”


I looked up to see Gage still intently watching me. His eyes softened, full of concern as he pleaded silently for me to talk to him, when all I wanted to do was forget.


“How did Morrison get it? I mean how does a man like Morrison get a hold of something like that?” Kane asked.


“I wish I knew... He had connections everywhere, crooked cops, high-ranking officials in the U.S. Army, Government, CIA, FBI. You name it, he had men there but I think he’s working under someone. There are other cells like Morrison… He can’t be the head guy.”


“He’s not,” I said absently, a vague memory of harsh words and demands, and Morrison being reprimanded by someone flashed through my mind. Gage sat up quickly to the edge of the couch at my words, his endearing glance shifted instantly to questioning as he gripped the fire stoker tightly in his hands. Casey and Kane whirled around, the look of shock etched into their tired faces.


“Jade,” Kane said with astonishment in his voice, bewildered by my comment and my presence. I felt stunned myself, unsure where my input to their conversation came from. A look passed between him and Gage.


“Did you see something?” Gage asked, his voice cautious, his eyes hopeful. The silence grew tense as the three of them watched me and waited for my response. I pulled my gaze away and looked at the fire. It died down to silent, flickering orange and red embers with an occasional tiny flame that struggled to stay lit. It’s energy and fuel consumed as it threatened to die.


“No,” I said, my voice barely a whisper as I stood mesmerized and felt my energy drain with the dying flame. I slid down slowly against the frame of the door and crouched on the floor. “I heard something.”


“What?” Gage’s eyes pleading.


I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled them close. My usual position in the jail when I felt cornered, trapped. “I don’t know…” My thoughts and fragmented painful memories of my time in the compound jumbled in a tangled web. Flashbacks of Morrison, large and overpowering, looming ominously over me with a pistol to my head. His eyes dark and recessed black holes that led to the bottomless pit of his evil soul as he threatened me with my life.    She knows more than she’s telling us!    I covered my ears as I clenched my eyes tight, his words echoing heavy and warped in my mind. Tell me about Kane!    His contacts!      Kane isn’t your brother anymore!      His interrogations, his threats, his puckered angry face and dark eyes when I didn’t give him what he wanted. His evil smirk, satisfied and pleased, when I did. I didn’t want to remember, I couldn’t, I wanted to forget.


Kane stood and I looked at him suddenly with an audible gasp as he went to approach me. My eyes grew wide, wild with fear and impending pain as Casey suddenly grabbed his arm, stopping him. Kane stopped, his look of interest shifted to eyes of worry as he watched me, huddled on the floor. My chest heaved with each exaggerated breath as I waited for the brutal interrogations to start.


“I don’t know, Kane,” I said, my voice wavered as I pressed my hands to my forehead, a sharp stabbing pain throbbed through my temples and grew with intensity with each pulse. The panic inside me welled to terror as my chest grew tight, constricting my breaths. I couldn’t breathe and felt the dizzying effects of my racing heart as tears surfaced in my eyes. “I’m sorry.”


Suddenly I jumped up and shut the door behind me as I stepped back into the safety of the shadows of my room, my quiet empty room. I slowly stepped backwards until I felt the soft mattress pressing against the backs of my legs. I stared at the black door before me and prayed it remained closed. I let my mind empty, black and hidden like my room. The seconds ticked by in loud echoes in my hollowed mind and my breathing and heart slowed. I wiped my tears and breathed a sigh as no one came.  No one’s questioning eyes, no one’s attempts to pull the painful memories from the depths of my mind, no one to force me to relive the terror.


***


“Jade, darling, you’re awake. Can I come in?”


I looked to see Marge in the doorway. She came by every day to see me but never said much. She stayed busy as she tidied up or brought me food, but I think she waited for me to start any conversation. I knew I wasn’t being ignored by her quietness, but it felt that way. I didn’t know what to say anymore, I didn’t know where to begin and I was sure she didn’t either.


“You can come in,” I replied, as my gaze remained fixated on the world outside the window. Heavy thick flakes fell across the snow-covered yard and accumulated in the windowsill. I wiped at the fog covered window with gentle fingers then watched the glass slowly cloud again as I breathed on it, blurring my view of the outside.


“Can I do anything for you, sweetheart?”


“No…” I felt the bed shift under her weight as she sat next to me. I turned to look at her, my heavy emotionless stare set into place.


“Do you need anything… Maybe something you don’t feel comfortable asking Kane or Gage for?”


“Oh… Umm, no, I don’t know, maybe.” I tried to remember when my last menstrual period was, so long ago, I couldn’t remember. “I haven’t needed anything like that for a while.”


I saw a momentary glance of worry pass through her eyes. She looked like she wanted to say more but she hesitated and just smiled at me instead.


“Ya, I guess I might need them sooner or later, maybe I should have them just in case. Can you get them for me?”


“Yeah…” Marge replied. I saw the panic build as her face paled the color of bleach bone and her eyes glossed over. “Jade, is there a chance you are… pregnant?”


“No!” I reacted abruptly, just the thought of it, terrified me. “Well, I don't think so… that's not why I've stopped… ”


Relief settled into the deep cresses of her cheeks and drained the paleness from them as color slowly returned. She brushed at a wayward strand of my hair that hung over my eyes and tucked it behind my ear.


“There…” She smiled. “Now I can see your eyes.”


Marge gently pulled me to her and I settled into her arms without resisting. I took in a sharp breath and filled my lungs to expand the tightness in my chest, and then let it out in a slow, ragged breath. I closed my eyes and took in the feel of the warmth of her soft wrinkled skin and her smell, a mixture of perfumed powder and dish soap.


“Marge?”


“Yeah?”


“Will you just stay for a while?”


“Of course dear, whatever you need,” she said, as she combed her fingers through my hair.


“Thank you.”