Amygdalia's Blog

I hate New Years Resolutions

I hate New Years Resolutions – picking an arbitrary date on which to change your life seems futile. And yet, I consider it, every year. What would make me a better person in this upcoming year? How can I be the person I want to be? What do I need to change about myself, in order to achieve that goal?

Oh please . . . the answer is that I need to transport myself into someone else’s body, with someone else’s motivation, metabolism, and experience.

What are the things I would like to change, if I could? For starters, I need to sleep. I have weaned myself off of my sleep meds (which I really DID need to do, though I’m very much regretting it at the moment). So I’m sleeping horribly, waking up far too early without the ability to fall back to sleep, and as a consequence I am cranky and tired throughout the day. Which is no big surprise. I’ve ALWAYS been cranky and tired during the day, with the exception of a short, blissful period of time when a couple of meds were working beautifully for me.

What would I do if I were not cranky and tired all the time? I could be a better, more patient mom. I could accomplish more during the day. I’d have more energy to exercise, motivation to clean, and focus to write and edit. I would not feel like “just a little snack will perk me up,” adding to the tally of unburned calories in my life.

It all comes back to sleep . . . the one thing I am thoroughly and completely without control over. If I slept, I could be thinner, because I’d have more energy to exercise and more motivation to stay out of the kitchen. If I slept, I could be a more accomplished person, and not feel as though I were living on the precarious edge of nothingness. If I slept, I could be a more pleasant person to be around, mainly for my kids and my husband. With most other people, I can fake it. If I did all of those other things, I might be better able to sleep.

Or is it all one big excuse? Sure, if I slept life would be so much easier all around. But does that mean I cannot effect the changes I need to, regardless of the time of year?

I don’t know . . . I’ll have to think about it when I’m not so tired.