Death and Relations Can be Painful

Depending on the Relationship

Death tends to affect each of us differently. 

Some of us, it just knocks us for a loop, and leave us holding on for dear life.

Others, it may take the wind out of their sails for a day or so, but the bounce back with new determination.

And, yet others appear to be just fine, and minimally affected by the loss.

I pondered these aspects of people and the death of a loved one recently, and decided that the impact or the affect on the love one depends on their relationship with the person that has died.

For example, a most recent death in my circle of friends brought back fond memories and thankfulness for his friendship.  No sadness.

Another recent death in my circle of friends literally made me frantic and stirred emotions of disbelief.  I even shed tears over the loss.

And yet another loss in my icicle of friends caused me to shed tear, and move into action to help the family grieve without worrying about what needed to be done.  Their loss was very personal for me, and felt more like the loss of a family member.

Finally, I examined my feeling about the recent loss of my brother.  I knew early on that he was losing his battle with life and death.  I knew that I would probably never see him alive again.  I wanted to, but just could not force myself to accept his demise.  I felt betrayed, alone, and to some degree helpless in the wake of his death.  Once he died, was cremated, and planted in the earth next to our Mother, I also felt a sense of relief.  For days afterward I would find myself crying for seemingly no reason.  I just wanted to sleep.  I was challenged to acknowledge that Jimmy would never ever answer his telephone again.  I played music that I thought would easy my feelings, but it too made me cry.

My conclusion is that each death is in its own way personal and experienced differently depending on the person's relationship to the deceased.  Each is a loss, but that loss is measurable only by that person's experiences and interactions whit their dearly departed.