A Book Nerd's Inner Voices

Alex Band

Tonight I did something a little daring---and way out of my comfort zone. For years, the voice of Alex Band, lead singer of The Calling, has been my comfort, my muse, my internal bliss. My favorite band, hands down my favorite singer---ever. I would spend nights as a teenager outside laying on the top of the unfinished stairs, just gazing at the stars for hours and his voice would be the only thing I could hear.





He spoke to me without knowing me, was the one thing I could count on, can still count on, when my world was falling apart or when I just wanted to smile. Without understanding the power he has over me, he has sung the words of my soul, to my soul.





Added to that, he has the sexiest voice I have ever heard in my life and I'm pretty sure he is a musical GOD.





So...tonight I sent him an email via Facebook telling him all of that (including the god part. Oh, boy). I don't know why I did it. Maybe because I was thinking, "Why not?" Maybe because he's made a difference for me and I thought he should know. Because his words and his voice have made a difference. They've made my life better, given me hope when I could see none. And given me chills in a whole different way. But that's neither here nor there.





I don't know what I expected. No response, probably. Or maybe a bland response from a representative. What I in no way expected was a response within two hours from Alex Band himself, thanking me for letting him know how his music had affected me. (And assuring me that I never quite reached the point of sounding crazy as I'd feared. Which I could have.)





Let me tell you, I was walking on air. One of my idols, the one person I am DYING to meet, to get to know, to understand, the soul I am yearning to see, actually replied. TO ME. WHAT? I mean really, how often does that happen? How often does a celebrity respond personally to fan mail within a matter of hours. I don't even think it had been two. But I was in Heaven.





So then why did I feel disappointed when I thanked him for responding and received no further conversation? Because in my head, I had imagined we could be friends. (Told you I could sound crazy.) I have been half in love with him, the person who wrote the words of my favorite songs, who sang them in such a beautiful, emotionally charged way, for the last twelve years that some silly, fangirl part of me honestly believed maybe I would be able to get to know this amazing man. Foolish, yes. But still.





Why can't I just be satisfied with what I got? Such a gift. And yet... Maybe it's just my nature. Who knows? Maybe it's people in general that always see the grass as greener over the fence. Maybe we want to be seen as someone special, someone worthy of the extra attention, someone to be held above the rest. (Or maybe that's just me.) It has nothing to do with him being a celebrity. Nothing to do with fame, fortune or success and everything to do with the fact that he is continually changing my life and I think, maybe, I secretly wanted to return the favor. How do you repay a gift like that? How do you repay a stranger for being a constant comfort in your life?





Well, the answer is that you don't. So, I'll chastise myself for being greedy and I'll blissfully drift off to sleep with the knowledge that, at least in an abstract way, ALEX BAND KNOWS I EXIST.





Okay, maybe I'm still fangirling it a little bit. (Forgive me.)





(Just FYI, my dream birthday present? I want to actually meet Alex Band and it would be AMAZING to hear him sing in person. Just throwing that out into the universe.)