Shouts From Down Under

Chewing is one form of exercise that takes no effort at all

I like to offer unusual things for sale here, just for fun, to be wacky, and as items to stir people's thinking a bit. Previously in blogs I have put up a Hospital for sale, a Pub and now, here's a few "bombs" for sale.

Here where I live, a "bomb" isn't a reason to evacuate a shopping mall or school. A "bomb" is an old car, that years ago, we used to drive around the farm; a paddock basher, unregistered, not to be driven on public roads, although this did still happen at times (ahem, cough cough) and were often used to travel from the farm homestead to the school bus stop, or to go "shooting". That's not such a politically correct thing to mention nowadays, and it probably better known as "hunting" but that's what "old bombs" were often used for on the farm when I was a kid.

So, here I offer for sale (in fact I think they are probably already sold, but you could always make an offer to the new owner) a paddock full of "old bombs".

http://bangshift.com/blog/for-sale-80-acre-8000-car-idaho-junkyard-show-up-with-...

Another item of interest for you to "chew over" in your brain-mushed grey matter, is this strange item for sale, and how much money was on offer for it. Seriously, be in the right time and have the right product on offer, no matter how weird, and you never know how rich (or stupid and broke) you'll be.

http://mashable.com/2014/02/10/used-iphone-flappy-bird-ebay/

ON THE matter of chewing. Let's be serious about this now.

Today I decided to watch people. Nothing new. I do this everyday, and it doesn't involve stalking, peering through bathroom windows, or causing people to frown at me wondering if they should ring the police.

Yes, I decided to watch people very closely and for a specific reason. And it came to me (not by Australia Post, but just crept into my sludgy brain and into the dog kennel of my thoughts) that I should put this in my blog as an exercise, and perhaps succeed, if nothing else, to stimulate people's thought patterns into a crazy, half mental state like mine own.

In other words, normal provocation of fellow writers. If there was a musical group, a band, named after writers, I think it would be called Mental As Anything.

Back to the topic at hand, the thing that glowed in my head, or above it, like a light bulb coming on, was this matter of people eating.
More specifically; chewing.

Ever notice how people do this? Hopefully not, because if it IS noticeable, then it's probably noisy, gross and potentially even biologically hazardous - (spittle and it's contaminants).

People view the food item. Then they open their cake hole, move forward slowly, and if they aren't looking somewhere else, for example, their phone, at someone else who's speaking, or at their breasts (that they seem to need to check / count / self admire / or assure themselves that they are still there, or that they are not suddenly somehow exposed) they keep moving forward until their mouth and wide open teeth close slowly over the edible substance in question, biting (hopefully) a small portion off whereby they can then close their mouths, and eat.

This is called mastication. It sounds gross, and really, after watching people quite a bit today, is probably good for dieters, because it puts you off your own food. Yes, appetite sapping and green around the gills inducing.

Ok, let's tiptoe past thinking about mastication, and step towards the dawn of a fresh new day. Ok, let's not. We still have to talk about chewing!

Why? Because it's details like this that are part of your writing. Yes, do any of your characters chew?

Ok, so it's not a vital part, but still, its a good exercise I feel, to think of the details, and analyse what you are writing about, and how to get that information from the immediate world around you. Yes, for free!

As I've said before on many occasions, ok, maybe a couple, we have this world of stuff happening around us, that we can mine for information, for free. If people find out about us writers, they'll somehow put a stop to it, I'm certain.

So back to that food being crushed, chopped up, soaked in saliva, and being rolled over the subjects palate, made into dough, then into watery slush and finally when the recipient's body feels it is not going to choke on the stuff, allowed to be swallowed down past the tonsils, past the windpipe opening (that will still be opening if choking occurs I guess?), on down the oesophagus and into the growling, hungry maw of the acidy food processing cave known as the stomach.

I've had to be careful as I watch people chewing, keeping various looks off my face, such as frowns and wild looking eyes, as I see those violent teeth mashing away, hear the sounds of smacking gums and slurping tongues.
People should look in a mirror sometime, and see how others see them, as they eat.

How to describe someone chewing? Ok, you've derided my efforts in writing about it...how about YOU describe it in your own words

They seem to narrow their faces a little in one motion, the mouth rolling as their teeth move forward and backward in a cutting motion, and then the cheeks widen as the jaw does it's backward thing.

The lips have their own dance at this food party, pursing and flattening in a circular rhythm, the person staring into space as the taste factor moves into their pleasure sensors of the brain. (I'm just free handing this ok? I have no idea and have not researched the real anatomical points of this process; gimmee a break!)

Chewing is probably, from a somewhat sick-minded writer's POV anyway, a form of light entertainment. Sitting in Cafe's around the place the amount of times I do, utterly bored and without much company, this becomes something to think about. Well, it beats looking at Facebook all the time .


I found another interesting article and lifted it from Facebook to plonk it in here. It's not meant to be a humour piece, this one, but as a warning.
Chew it over, and be safer.

Please read below:

Interesting(troubling) article if anyone has been thinking about putting these family stick figures on your car’s rear window. You might want to reconsider…..

I know everything about you and you are my target

(Article by Rake Jeeves 11/12/2013)

I have never met you and don't know your name and up until today I didn't
know where you live

You passed me on the road and suddenly I knew everything about you

You are a single mother with teenage daughter, no men in the house.

You are relatively well off and like playing tennis

You don't have any big dogs, just one small dog that is no threat to me

Judging by the car you drive you will have flat screen T.V's and because you
have a teenage daughter there will be things like computers, tablets and
smart phones in your house

I decided to follow you home because you have shown me that you are a soft
target

When I invade your home with my gang I know there will be very little
resistance, no men and no big dogs but plenty of expensive stuff for us to
take

How did I know all this information about you without having ever met you,
spoken to you or seen your house?

By the little pictures of your family set up that you put on the back window
of your car

These pictures have made my job so much easier because they tell me nearly
everything I need to know without having to drive around the neighbourhood
spying on houses and sitting watching and gathering all this information

It used to take me days of surveillance to get this information

Thank you very much; I will be visiting you one of the evenings whilst you
are watching TV

I'm not a violent person but I can't say the same for my gang members

Fortunately I'm not a violent criminal but because of my job I have to think
like one and driving around checking out the little pictures on the back
window of cars made me realize just how much information they give out about
you, your family and to a large extent your wealth

Pictures of a family with golf clubs, children with computers, wives with
tennis rackets and pictures of what type of dogs your family have all tell a
story about you and whether it's worth making you and your family a target.

Thank you


Sparky

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