Cabin Fever

Long Hello, Short Goodbye (demo edit #1)

<12/12/03 This isn't complete... (it's under a working title and it's very seldom that I do something like that)...I've got ideas scrawled out on the backs of semi-important papers...not sure if this is what I'm trying to say but I don't know exactly what I want to say yet (and being that it's a busy time of year for me as well, sometimes I need a bit of a shove). It somewhat recalls and almost mocks my older styles of writing...the untrained year may not see it, and I don't mean either part of this statement in a bad way. Please offer feedback, because I'm not yet sure where to take this; should it rhyme, shouldn't it, can it be lyrics, should it be more cryptic, I don't know. Any input will be appreciated...>
<Updated, 3/1/04 I revisited this several times, sans notes, like now. Short glances but nothing pulled me to amend anything. A few tweaks today. This is on my burners, just waiting for the right ingredients...>

Long hello, short goodbye...

Where are you going,
and why did you think it was here?
The cracks and holes have opened,
exposing us as what we each left behind
too many times before,
but now in a more refined form.
Filling the blood with water
isn't the patch I'm seeking
to make the amends I'm unfortunate enough
never to see.
"I'm sorry" helps, in some respects,
but it's nothing for you to be apologetic about.
Really, it's not. See,
you've already made it to the next level in life,
complete with a glass floor
that lets me look up and admire you from below.
You've never looked so good,
even when I loved the way you did back then,
but it's your divine right to walk across me now;
thank you
for not acting on your opportunity
to crush me completely.

Your arrival here at our nearest sundown
will sell us on what we already know.
I'll have balloons, streamers, a cake
and another grave to dig.
It's not mere addition by subtraction,
nor just the aggravation of attraction;
this isn't as simple as us at 17 and 21 anymore.
In an unmovable world we're safe
from what we've been hiding from for awhile.
There's no crime now in what exists
for you and I
and no one's at fault for wondering,
but sometimes even the best laid plans
can (magnificently, and haplessly,)
become undone.

I can't say much but I won't say goodbye.
Your heart is just as strong
and just as awkward as mine.
Tonguetied I get in loss;
even more so humble sometimes
when I hear what becomes smaller reclaimations
and smarter attempts and repairing relationships.
Is what was "us" fate, or a tired cliché,
coming back to life again
in the form of my rotten prose?
Emote your deadliest weapon by smiling upon me
and grab on tightly to your urge to kill,
because this doesn't mean it's over
but what have we begun?
We've opened a can of worms
that has the potential
to dismember everything we've learned
and disrupt everything
in a way that we already haven't disrupted yet.
This disruption isn't repetition;
the years themselves have more than a toned
all your "rights" and all my "wrongs",
sometimes in seedy ways
but otherwise meaningful to us both.
Yet we're still not "moving on".
Keep me as close as your heart will allow you
and when our outer challenges fade,
let's see how this pans out.
I can't say much but I won't say goodbye;
you're just as strong,
yet your heart's as awkward as mine.

(...I'm missing you stronger now than when I did back then...)