Memories of Snow

Another Fearful Tuesday

Another Fearful Tuesday

The wind is blowing
Across the street the pine tree
I waving good-by to clouds.

I look out my front door. Across the street the limbs of the pine tree are blowing in the wind. There is a gray car parked under the pine tree, but it is not shaded by the tree. The sun cast long shadows from the south side of Sunrise Avenue. The shadows are those of palm trees and apartment buildings. The shadows of the palm trees are moving because the wind is blowing the palm frowns.

I feel the tension
I am afraid! I feel fear!
The approach of disaster.

It is another fearful day. It is Tuesday and I feel unexplained anxiety. I cannot say why I am afraid. Maybe I should not focus on the fear. Does focusing on the fear increase it? I wonder if I can use this in a story. How do I describe unfocused anxiety, fear, and terror? Do I use mythological terms such as dragon or ogre? Do I use zombie or vampire? Zombies and vampires seem more appropriate to describe the political conditions of the present world rather then as a description of unfocused fear.

I feel tears approach!
The dam is about to break.
Why am I so sad?

Perhaps if I took some sort of action then the fear would dissipate like this morning's clouds? Did the clouds dissipate or did the wind blow them away? Maybe if I go out then the wind will blow my fear and tears away. I am terrified to leave the house. I do not want to leave the house. I do not want to get in the car and drive to the store. I have to go to the store because I need to pick up my prescription eye drops. I need them because I have to put them in my eyes before I go to sleep to night. I guess while I am at Smith's Food & Drug I will see if I can afford some Refresh and the other over-the-counter eye drops the doctor recommended.

A fearful Tuesday
Becomes a tearful Tuesday
Unfocused anxiety

I am attempting to write through the fear and anxiety, but perhaps that is the wrong approach. Prayer and work is the only way to overcome anxiety and fear. Prayer is a wind that rips the dead frowns from the palm tree of my spirit. All right I got that idea because the wind just took a dead palm frown off one of the palm trees that line Sunrise Avenue.

Why do I worry?
Why am I terrified?
I have God's Glory!

I put my problems in God's hands this morning; at least I think I did, but that was a long time ago. Perhaps I need to say a prayer placing my troubles in God's hands more then just once. The problem is me. I over-think, I worry about everything. This is something I have did all my life (I think I mentioned this in another entry or one of my blogs. It will take more then just one morning prayer for me to overcome this issues. I have to overcome it because I cannot go on this way. I cannot find a way to help myself, while God is helping me, if I continue to worry and over-think.

Breath in and breath out
Pour another cup of coffee
Fix myself a sandwich

I will finish the coffee I made this morning. I will eat the other piece of groundturkey that is sitting in the electric skillet. Then I will get ready to go to the store to pick up my eye drops. I cannot let fear of leaving my house hold me prisoner. I have to get out of the outs. I feel as if a panic attack is waiting for me. I have to place my entire faith in God and Baha'u'llah because that is the only way to survive in this world of unfocused anxiety and fear.