The Treatment Program of Absurdity: 1

Barbara’s Front Butt

On June 3rd, 2011, I was outside Polly House, blasting “Barbara Ann” by The Beach Boys while waiting for dinner. Adam came along and started dancing to the music, in which I proceeded to join him, and George later started to dance. Not before long, Barbara came out and began dancing, with both her stomach and her boobs beginning to wobble, since she wasn’t wearing a bra. George and I went back to our house, where we would initiate a conversation over the trauma that we witnessed.
“Why would she come out there and force us to watch her dance, when it is hard enough looking at her to begin with?”
“She wants to show off her front butt.”
“I wonder if it has a mind of its own.”
“Imagine if she teaches a class on how to wash your front butt.”
“I would tell her, “Unlike you, I don’t have a front butt.”
“What about when you marry a maid with a front butt?”
“I will never marry a woman with a front butt.”
“Just you wait, my young Padawan.”
“Barbara, do you have a man clean your font butt?”
“No, I go to Heraldo; Mexicans do the best job.”
“How much do you pay the Mexicans?”
“Two tacos!”
“I presume the Mexicans sing while they clean your front butt?”
“Harry, let’s write the song that they sing.”
We came to America for opportunity,
But now we are stuck cleaning lady’s front booty.
We hated being coerced by the cartel,
But cleaning Barbara’s front butt is a living hell.
With doing this 20 hours a day, I don’t have time to f*** my dog.
Maybe instead of America, we should have gone to Prague.
For weeks we haven’t be able to afford an orange;
But compared to cleaning this front butt, that is of little abhorrence.
To think for this we risked our lives to cross the border,
And we had to leave behind our 5-dollar tape recorder.
I despise having to clean out this giant squid,
But I have to do it to feed my 30 kids.
This is a job I would love to quit,
but any other profession requires to the ability to read, so I am not mentally fit.
If only I could acquire a visa,
I might be able to get a job that would allow me to take a siesta.
After all of this, I am stuck living in a broken down Camaro.
Her front butt keeps crushing my sombrero.
We can’t believe that our parents would bring us into a world of social rejection,
but it was either that or contraception.