Perpetual Ruminations

Spring; A New Beginning

Spring is the season of new beginnings, but this particular spring brings another new beginning...

My last journal entry was back in November, six months ago, but wait, it gets worse. My activity in here also began to diminish shortly after. Part of the reason I wasn't writing in my journal was because of all the writing I was doing for a contest. It was supposed to run a year, but things happen and it ended with the start of the new year, five months into the contest. Because I was writing a story a week for the contest, I was focusing most of my attention in that direction and let my journal fall by the wayside for a bit.

When the contest ended early, I was resolved to continue writing the new story each week, just to be able to complete the contest I had started. Vary good intentions, but unfortunately, some unpredictable incidents developed and my good intentions fell alongside my journal, by the wayside.

I was a bit frustrated when the contest ended, but I could understand the circumstances behind it and maintained a positive attitude and outlook. Shortly after, a very dear old friend took ill. To many, he may be thought of as just a pet, but to us, he was family, as close as any child. He was, as was his mate, one of my few best friends, and now his health was deteriorating and we knew that soon he would once again be joined with his mate who had left us two years before.

He had all my attention, and we did what we could for him. There was no cure, age had caught up with him. He also developed a tumor in his digestive system, which shortened his time even more. With medication he was able to stay with us one final week, then passed quickly to join his mate. Both my wife and I were filled with grief and we took some needed time to mourn his passing. For me, there would be an even longer adjustment to make. To sit at the writing table and write, as I do now, was more than I could do, for whenever I sat at the desk or the writing table, my friend would be right there, at my feet, under the structure.

Hyko had always been very close to me, warning me in advance of asthma attacks, comforting me when sick or injured, and in constant contact with at least one of my feet when I would write or do anything at the desk or the writing table. He had become a part of much that I did from day to day, and an even bigger part to my writing. I would often stop typing to reach down and give him a pat on the head or pet him, and when things didn't seem to flow correctly, I would read what I had written to him. He would look at me and lift his ears a bit as I read, but never offered any comments. Even so, it became a way for me to think things out and make corrections and changes.

I knew that it would be hard, as well as sorrowful to adjust to him not being there, but I also understood that I needed to keep on writing and stay focused. Of course, some time would need to pass for me to grieve and adjust. Again, unseen circumstance arose, and I found myself with first a painful shoulder, then a pretty useless one. It started out like a pulled muscle or a sprain, but soon the pain was so bad that I could not do much of anything with my left arm.

I knew I had to keep it moving and keep using it, or it would become even more stiff and sore, but despite my best efforts, I found I was losing more and more range of motion and use of the arm. As much as I dislike to, I had to see a doctor. My doctor had me describe my symptoms, looked at my limited range of motion, and referred me to a specialist. He also had to know all the details of what had taken place, had me go through my limited range of motion, and prescribed some medication for inflammation and pain, referred me to physical therapy, and injected the shoulder joint and surrounding tissue with a steroid.

The condition is called frozen shoulder syndrome and who knows how or why it comes on, it just does. I was lucky to still have some strength and limited motion left, even though it was very painful. Therapy is also very painful, but like the doc said, in this case, there is no gain without pain. The muscles in the shoulder froze up and tightened to the point of not being able to do much of anything. They just do not give much, and what little I do coax out of them is excruciating. I have gained back a lot of my range of motion, and am continuing to gain a bit more with continued therapy.

I've reached a point now I can actually type without being in pain, although with the writing I have done so far in this entry, I am feeling more and more discomfort. It will be a while before I can type away without any, but I've reached a point now that I can type and by so doing, gain more, as I am doing for my range of motion.

There have been other setbacks as well. Finances are in a mess and the wolves are howling at the door. It seems like we will lose medical insurance, and we are tightening our belts and cutting back in any way we can. I don't know if I will be able to keep my current membership or not, it's due in another month and a half. Yes, it's been a long and brutal winter, but spring is here, and with it, a new beginning emerges... perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel.