Memories of Snow

NaNoWriMo Day 2: Revealing More of Myself (WD:2086)

‘Idál (Justice), 19 ‘Ilm (Knowledge), 173 BE - Wednesday, November 2, 2016 AD about 8:43 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Revealing More of Myself and My Past

Coffee a Family Tradition

There's nothing like a strong hot cup of coffee to get me started on a chilly autumn morning. The truth is that it doesn't take a chilly morning for me to enjoy a hot cup of joe. I like to drink hot coffee in any season. I also like to sip iced coffee in the summer. I enjoy all types of coffee whether it's hot or cold. I also love to drink coffee with different flavors and sometimes even with cream in it. I won't put surgar in my coffee, but I will put hot chocolate mix or Ovaltine in the mug before pouring in the coffee.

Favorite brand is Folgers
Favorite variety black silk

I learned to drink coffee from my grandfather. Every morning before breakfast, Grandpa Frank would brew a pot of coffee, pour himself a cup or two to go with breakfast, and then get ready to go to work. If Grandpa was working at the Smelter that day then he would fill a thermos bottle, put it in his metal lunch box with a sandwich and a Hostess Twinkie. If he was working at home then he would leave the coffee pot plugged in all day, always making more coffee as he needed it.

Grandpa brewed his coffee either in a stainless steel electric percolator or a non-electric coffee pot. The percolator always sit on the kitchen table next to the refrigerator. The coffee pot was in the trailer house (mobile home) that sit on the lot Grandpa rented at the Lake. When Grandpa and Grandma went to a restaurant he would order hot coffee and Grandma either hot tea or iced tea (depending on the time of year).

Inhale the aroma of dawn
Listen to the song
Of morning coffee brewing

When I first started drinking coffee, I would add cream and sugar. However, that stopped when I began working as a waitress in Oklahoma City. I stopped adding anything to my coffee then and simply took it black. I didn't start ordering speciality coffees until I moved to Las Vegas. I guess you could say as I matured my taste in coffee matured and I became a coffee aficionado. I am extremely enthusiastic about coffee.

Midweek Reflections on Love

Today is Wednesday, November 2, 2016. The writing.com newsletter hit my inbox this morning. This week the spiritual newsletter is title "What is love?" This is a good question because it's one I've often ask myself. I'm not sure that I've ever experienced romantic love, I experienced what I thought was romantic love once, but it wasn't. For a long time I didn't know what it was, but at 69 I've came to realize that it was just my way of coping with loneliness.

As a results of that encounter I gave birth to a daughter. I gave her up for adoption. One of the reasons I gave her up had to do with my living arrangement. I was living in Las Vegas with my mother and the family. I knew that if I took the child back home with me then J.S. (my mother's boyfriend and my sister's husband) would eventually sexually abuse her as he did my sister and me. I'm still dealing with the scars that he left on my soul.

J.S. was a predator and an alcoholic. He was an abusive and a hateful person. He was prejudices against everyone except white males. He was the opposite of a loving individual. I thought for several years that he was the Devil Incarnate. I realize now that he was just a drunk who couldn't stop drinking and abusing those he thought were beneath him.

I know I need to forgive. I know I need to stop hating him. Forgiveness is necessary for the spiritual advancement of my soul. J.S. is dead and in whatever afterlife he earned for himself. I know that hating him or anyone will scar my soul even more than it already it's already scarred. Writing this has helped a little bit. I'm sure that through prayer and with the assistance of Baha'u'llah I can overcome the hate to the point that it no longer cast a shadow over my soul.

Blog City Prompt for Wednesday, November 2, 2016

I belong to several blogging groups on writing.com. One of those groups is Blog City. The blogging prompt for today is "Make a list of 10 things that make you smile." Since one of my goals for today's NaNo entry concerned a dot list, I'm going to write that list here and then later copy it to my writing.com blog "More Snow Melt."

Chanting God's Most Great Name
Memories of the years I spent with my Mother
Positive reviews I receive on writing.com
A strong cup of black silk coffee
The picture of 'Abdu'l-Baha I have sitting on my computer desk
Remembering to take all my medication
The Long Healing Prayer revealed by Baha'u'llah (Baha'I Prayer book pages 91-98)
The prayer of protection revealed by The Bab (Baha'I Prayer book pages 133-135)
Watching China the chihuahua dance across the tile floor
Accomplishing my daily NaNoWriMo word count goal

Morning NaNo Writing Session Day 2

It's more difficult to write 2,000 plus words in blog format then I thought. I used to think writing that many words in a novel was difficult, but I was wrong. It's way more difficult to write personal stuff in a single session the imaginary stuff. I've only written three pages so far and already I'm begging to stretch for things to write about. I think I might have to break the NaNo sessions up into two or three each day. I know I can't give up until I written at least 2,000 words. I need to write more than that because the word count in Word Online is different than in the writing.com thingy, word processor, that I save each days NaNo in.

Right now, I'm going to save what I've written and copy it into Chapter 2 of my writing.com novel book. I will return to this document later this morning or this afternoon to finish today's 2,000 word goal. I shouldn't have that many more words to write. The problem right now is thinking of other personal or spiritual items I want to write about today.

Time about 5:57 PM Pacific Daylight Time

2016 a Year of Miracles

Perhaps miracle isn't the right word here. Maybe AWE would be a better word. What I do know is the financially things haven't seemed to get better, but every time I need money I seem to get it. I'm worrying less and my faith is improving. I begin this year giving $20.00 a month to the National Baha'I Fund. I haven't been good at giving money to the local fund, which I'm in the process of changing or rather attempting to change.

I'm still afraid I won't have enough money, but that fear is going away. It would stay away if I were more diligent about prayer. I have to work on prayer instead of fantasizing which only increases my fear. I' do better writing my fantasies in a short story or novel. I did attempt a novel about my fantasies a couple of years ago, but I only ended up writing a story I didn't like because it wasn't what I wanted to write. The problem was that I was afraid to write what I knew I wanted to write and needed to write. I hope this stint of NaNo Rebellion will help me overcome my graphophobia if that's what I'm experiencing.

The truth is that I'm afraid people will laugh at me or think I'm crazy. I've always been afraid someone would laugh at me or think I'm crazy. I think the problem stems from my childhood. I know the fantasizing when I don't want to face a situation comes from childhood experiences. There are a lot of leftover childhood emotions that I'm dealing with. I've been dealing with them since I turned 18 or even before that. Writing helps. Writing would help a lot more if I were willing to put those emotions into either poem or stories.

My Personal Fears

I would probably... I got interrupted and forgot what I was going to write. I think I intended to say that I would probably do better if I wasn't so afraid of revealing something about myself and my past. I'm sure that some of my family members are or rather would be angry knowing that I write about the sexual abuse I experienced when I was a preteen and teenager. One of my sibling will not admit that it happened because I mentions something about it once and that person got angry. However, I can't let someone else's opinion interfere with my spiritual growth.

It's not like I'm deliberately trying to make the person angry. I need to deal with the issues J.S. caused me when he came into my bedroom at night. I know that all of my siblings probably have issues stemming from him. Each one of us has to deal with our issues in our own way. I suspect most of my fear comes from that period of my life. I don't want people to hate me. I don't want people to think I'm crazy. The sexual abuse happened and it left scars on my soul and mind. It's affecting the way I live and love. It's preventing me from teaching the Faith the way I should.

The only things that have help that fear is the Baha'I Faith and writing.com. When I say the prayer revealed by Baha'u'llah, The Bab, or 'Abdu'l-Baha the fear seems to dissolve and disappear. Joining writing.com helped my confidence. I still have issues with confidence, but they're not as bad as they were before I joined writing. Com. Sometimes I want to procrastinate because of the fear, but I know if I procrastinate it will only make the fear worse.

Sometime I want to fantasize because of the fear. I know that fantasizing will only make the rear the procrastination worse. Sometime I give into the temptation to fantasize and procrastinate. Maybe these instances are more then sometimes; however, they're not as often as the used to be. I think I'm making progress. I hope I'm making progress. I pray that I'm making progress.

Pushing Myself To Write

I'm pushing myself to write this. I know if I don't complete the 2,000 plus words today then I will not push myself as hard tomorrow to accomplish the goal. Accomplishing my writing goals gives me a shot of adrenaline, which causes me to smile. There's nothing like a shot of adrenaline to get the emotions up. It isn't a drug high, but it is a natural high which is the best kind. I know I have to finish today's writing goal. I know I have to make the National Novel Writing Month goal this year. I'm not sure why I have to do this. I could be doing this for myself, but I don't think so. I think there is something or some other reason for me to accomplish the goal this year.

Maybe I'm doing it for myself. Maybe I'm doing it for Mama. Maybe I'm doing it for Baha'u'llah. Maybe I'm doing it to prove that I can do it. I'm not sure today. I just know that I have to write at least 50,000 words in this blog, novel or whatever it is I'm writing. Perhaps these entries will become an autobiography. Someone suggested I write one. He said I sounded like I'd had an interesting life. I have to admit I've had and interesting and stressful life. I think that's what an interesting life is or at least my life has been stressful and interesting.

Maybe I should change the name of this personal journal novel or whatever to "The Joys of a Stressful Life" or "The Joy and Stress of Being Prosperous Snow". I'm going to have to close this for today because I'm getting mentally tired again. I'm smiling, but I'm mentally tired. Writing today has been an interesting experience. When I write my fears fade. When I pray my fears fade. I don't want to fantasize or procrastinate when I pray or write.