Fighting For A Life Worth Living

Day 3

Today I would like to share a little bit of my back ground with you. Recently I saw a video with Chris Pratt where he demonstrated the phases of being on a diet. The first phase he was very optimistic, but the farther he went the less motivated he became until he finally gave up altogether. I used to follow this circle, but in recent years my circle has changed. My problems originated as a child and many of the bad habits I developed I still have today. As I dive into my childhood a dark picture might be painted of my parents. They are great people, who like everyone, have made mistakes. Please do not leave any comments pertaining to my parents.
My dad has owned a small tow truck business since before I was born. He did towing as well as an auto repair shop and small used car lot that only carried about 5 cars at any given time. My mom would often help out at the station as a secretary. The station was home to a candy box filled with different types of candy bars and other individual snacks. Once a month I would walk into the station door and it would feel like Christmas morning, this candy box would magically be replenished. Growing up at the station it did not take long for me to get bored and as a child that candy box was a pot of gold. I would eat a few items from it daily, usually I would ask my mom for change and she would say no a few times, but I'm persistent and would wear her down. The other way I would get lots of candy was by going for rides in the tow truck.
Riding in the tow truck was the only way I got quality time with my dad. I loved sitting high in the truck I felt like we could run over cars if we wanted, unfortunately that never happened though. What did happen is we would run out of gas and have to fill 'er up. Gas stations are also a gold mine when it comes to sugary bliss. I always got a bag or 2 of candy to share with my dad along with some type of soda. Sometimes if I hadn't been riding with my dad he would come home after a long day at work with an assortment consisting of 6-8 candy bars and 20 oz bottles of pop. Those days were the best.
When I was 10 or 11 I talked my mom into letting me stay at home alone while she helped at the station. As you can tell by now junk food was never in short supply at my house growing up. Not being allowed to leave the house I spent countless hours watching TV and while watching TV I fed my boredom monster. My dad would always bring home the candy and he would munch on it as bad as I would. So my mom in an effort to control our ways, would hide the candy. Knowing it was in the house and a general location of where she hid it I would sneak it out and eat it. I got in trouble a few times for eating almost the whole bag. Sitting in front of the TV I didn't realize how much I was eating until the bag was nearly gone or completely gone. I had to do something so my mom wouldn't find out what had happened. It didn't take long before I started asking my dad for $5 and he would almost always give it to me. I developed a system, when I over indulged a short 2 block walk to the local grocery store would give me an identical bag of candy and then I would eat it down to the point of where it was before and place it back in the hiding spot. The older I became the less I had to do this because my mom got to the point where she didn't want to cook. I am the youngest of four kids and the only girl, we all liked different things and it became to stressful for my mom to cook things we all liked. Having my dad pick up fast food was much easier than actually cooking. These unhealthy habits lead me to a unhealthy weight at a very young age.
At the age of 13 I weighed a staggering 230 LBS. A doctor told me I needed to lose weight. That day my world shattered. I was forced to join weight watchers and the once plentiful mounds of sugar disappeared. While on the program I lost 40 LBS. Some bad habits we really changed like the amount of sugar in the house. Other habits came running back into our lives like eating fast food and at restaurants nearly every day. In short I have been trying to diet since I was 12 years old. I seem to follow my own circle consisting of trying to be healthier, failing, becoming depressed, and repeat. Since I have been married the last 6 years I have made some wonderful strides, but I still have a lot of bad habits I want to break. My largest struggles are being tired and not wanting to cook and instead order pizza, feeling a need to buy snacks and junk food when at the grocery store, and eating while I'm bored. Knowing this you can now know what I am basing my success on.
Day 3 was nearly perfect. I stayed on track until about 11pm. I drank water and unsweetened green tea all day and we had a delicious chicken dinner. I was asking myself if I was really hungry every time I wanted to put something in my mouth. I couldn't ask for a better day and then it all came crashing down. At 11 I was a little hungry and decided to pop an individual size bag of popcorn and have 1 fruit snack pouch. The popcorn was great, but eating the fruit snack unleashed a wild beast inside of me. I went back to the cupboard and pulled out a handful of fruit snacks and then the snacking got worse from there. I ate graham crackers with frosting, some more animal crackers, and a chocolate chip bar cookie. After I grabbed all the fruit snacks I felt horrible and didn't care that I was eating all extra food that I truly wasn't hungry for.
Here's our new plan:
We are going to the zoo with my Nephew on Saturday and I think I am going to give my fruit snacks to them. They were my trigger and must go! I wish I could demonstrate self discipline, but I can not yet. So tomorrow I am going to count out portions and put them in individual baggies. I hope that will help my current problem. I really want to get into the habit of accessing my hunger so I am still going to ask myself if I am hungry before eating.
I CAN DO THIS!!!!