Fighting For A Life Worth Living

Day 11

This is the first day I am truly dreading writing this blog. My frustrations are high resulting in me wanting to eat junk I know I shouldn't. Day 11 wasn't terrible, but of course could have went a lot better.
I had joined weight watchers back in October. Of course, I was pumped up and determined to do well. I have always struggled with counting calories, before I signed up I had to prove to myself that I could indeed keep track of what I ate and I did for 3 weeks straight. Then I went to a meeting that was about how to get back on track when you come up short. THAT WAS A DISATER! I was feeling confident in my abilities until that particular meeting, because of how I am wired I simply can not stop replaying the part where my leader said, "at some point you will undoubtedly mess up." PERIOD, that is all I heard and the stress began. I had worked all summer long to get me to this point and now a tiny little sentence was going to haunt me until I stressed out to the point where I really did fall off the horse. In the worst possible season: Thanksgiving/Christmas. At new years I was determined to start going back to the meetings and do well again. I forgot that that is when everyone else decides to as well. My already large meeting exploded with people. Before, you could walk in 5 minutes early, get weighed, and find a place to sit. Now, if you arrived 5 minutes early you had to wait in line for 15 minutes just to get weighed and by the time you were finished it was standing room only and by the time you got to the point you could enter the meeting, it was already half over. I never liked the size of the meeting, but it was the only one my husband and I could attend together. My other issue with the meeting is petty but true. I hated going there and seeing all these other woman who just joined losing 13lbs in their first 2 weeks. It felt as though I was working just as hard as they were, but I was forced to sit in the stands as they were playing ball. I started just trying to keep track of points but little by little that whittled away as well. It was previously stated in a comment that counting calories might help me with my evening snacking. I appreciate the comment and have started trying to track my points again. During the day I am doing great, but when evening comes a switch turns in my brain and tracking is not a thought anymore. It might just be me, but this seems like a very depressing post. I'm not a fan of depressing so let's find some of the positive! Back in October I was doing very well and tracking religiously. If I did it once, I can do it again! Right now I track until supper time then it becomes more difficult for me to track. My goal is to track past supper, I can build myself up to tracking all day. I still want to practice asking myself if I am hungry before I eat. I still feel a little depressed but my spirits are better now. I CAN DO THIS!!!

P.S I finished chapter 1 of my book, I think it's pretty awesome and would love for you to check it out. It's called, Surviving Death and it's based in a kingdom where the day you are born you are also assigned the day you will die, but a girl is born with a purple skin tone and...you'll have to read it to find out :)