Fighting For A Life Worth Living

Day 22 - Sometimes We Need To Chill Out

Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, my excitement gets a little carried away. I get an idea in my head and from there my excitement takes over until I have an idea that is larger than life. Typically this happens when I start doing well on a diet. I will start to day dream about what it will be like to wear a bikini for the first time in my life or how excited I will be when the day finally approaches that I can fit into my junior prom dress. As a result of my excitement I have decided that I will be taking 2 trips along my weight loss journey. One trip to Branson Missouri where I will be able to ride the 3 story tall go-kart track and a zip line tour without having to worry that I am over the weight limit for the attractions. The other trip will be to Hawaii because I have never learned how to swim, partly because I have never felt comfortable in a swimsuit and I'm terrified of drowning. The Hawaii trip is only going to happen when I have changed my body and have broken out of my shell that allows me to be timid. These are my dreams.

The problem with my dreams is that when I start doing well I become excited because I feel like my dreams are happening, but then when a small bump in the road comes my way I start to panic and fear the worst. Most of the time I stress out to the point that I cause myself to fail. Today I began this slippery slope. I'm not sure if I have reported this or not but so far I have lost 7 LBS this month and that is the best I have ever done in a single month. A normal rate for me is 4-5LBS in a whole month. Starting to become very excited I am hoping to reach the 10LBS mark at the end of May. Of course my mind can't stop at 10LBS. I have started thinking that if I continued this rate I could be at my wedding weight by my 7th year anniversary in October, but do I stop there? NOPE! If I kept up my weight loss through the holidays I would be close to my high school graduation weight by Christmas. How awesome would that be! Having these dreams and goals are great, but there are consequences.

The main consequence is that I do not let go of my dreams easily and the moment I begin to focus on my dreams is the very moment I start to nitpick my success, ultimately losing my dream all together. I know it sounds like I am being a drama queen and I am, BUT I am stressing out over this for a reason. It has happened to me before. Once I start picturing myself at my goal I get a rude wake up call the next time I look in the mirror and realize that picture in my head is 100LBS away. This kind of behavior leads to depression and I have worked too hard this month to start daydreaming just to get hit with a harsh reality that leads me to give up completely.

Sorry about that I become excited so easily sometimes it is hard for me to control myself, but I have closed my eyes, taken deep breaths, and am playing Katy Perry's song Firework. On a great note I talked to my sister in law today and told her about some of the new things I have incorporated into my new lifestyle and she responded saying that I am inspiring her to get back on her program. It feels really good to know I have helped her in some way. I hope she tries some of the things I have mentioned to her (I have also mentioned those things in my blogs too) and that they help her like they have me. Now all I need to do is learn to control my excitement.